Workaholic Teacher Looking to Be a Parent

If you are adopting school age children, believe me, you will have to give up your workaholic ways. I used to be a workaholic lawyer, and I quit working to concentrate on building our family. We now have 3 children, ages 6, 7, and 9. I am a SAHM, and I honestly have never been busier or more challenged in my life. If I were working, I think I would lose my mind. It is VERY time-consuming dealing with the foster care system, which is bureaucratic and inefficient. It requires a lot of advocacy to get the children's needs met, and advocacy takes time. If you can get by financially without your income, I would highly recommend the SAHM route, for the first six months, anyway. That's not possible for everyone, I know. But if you can pull it off, it is worth the lost income. I stopped working first because it was affecting my health. I realized how sick and imbalanced things were getting when I could not relax even in the midst of a professional massage while on vacation. But I stayed out of work when I knew we were going to plan our family. I would recommend reading these books to prepare yourself: Our Own, by Trish Maskew; Parenting the Hurt Child, by Gregory Keck and Regina Kupecky; Therapeutic Parenting by Deborah Hage; When Love is Not Enough, by Nancy Thomas; and Attaching in Adoption, by Deborah Gray. After you've read all that, you might try Can This Child Be Saved, by Foster Cline. That book is tough reading since it represents the worst case scenario, but it is informative. Most if not all of these books recommend that one parent stays at home for several months so that the children are not in day care. Again, I realize not everyone can pull this off. And, being a school teacher, theoretically you could be home when the children are. But I know teaching is a very time-consuming profession and it would be very hard to prepare for class in addition to helping your own children with their school work. We spend up to 2 to 3 hours a day working on homework with our children. Most foster children are in the worst possible public schools and are well behind their peers. With your background, you will be in an excellent position to help your children learn what they should have learned years ago. Adopting older children is very consuming. I am so thankful for my children, whom I love very much. It is so much fun to be able to do fun stuff right away, like ride bikes, go to museums, walk the dog together, make dinner together, clean house, ice skate, etc. They are old enough to say, "I love you, Mommy," and draw you pictures and write little love notes. But you also have to deal with meltdowns, nightmares and other sleep disturbances, more doctor's visits than you imagined (foster kids don't get great medical care much of the time), therapist appointments, court dates, administrative dates, social worker visits, and many unexpected shopping excursions. If you leave your poor husband to do the lion's share of this, you will put a serious strain on your marriage. You both have to do this, and set aside time for your marriage, because abused kids will try to find a wedge between you and exploit it. You will also need time to yourself to do things like spend more time than you thought possible on these forums! ;) Seriously, as sweet and loving as my children can be, and as sad as I am about all the tragedy and suffering they've experienced, they can be ANNOYING, and you need time to yourself to rise above the aggravation. None of this is compatible with being a workaholic. I know how easy it is to be a workaholic, particularly when your job serves others. I used to be a legal aid lawyer, and the more I worked, the more people I could help. So I know how that is. But really, the purpose of work, even altruistic work, is to support your family. These children will need you terribly. And so will your husband. I would be lost in all of this if it weren't for my DH, who is a very involved father. It is wonderful that you recognize that this is a potential problem and that you are looking for ways to resolve it before the kids get here. I don't know if you are a religious person, but the book, 40 Days to a Purpose Driven Life might help you change your workaholic ways. Other resources for the recovering workaholic: I subscribed to [url]http://www.flylady.net[/url], which is a free email service that helps you organize your house and your life, before I got my kids. It has been a godsend. While I was a workaholic, I neglected my house. Now I've developed routines that keep my house spic and span, a boon when you have social workers and therapists at your house frequently. I also do a paid subscription to savingdinner.com, which is $30 a year and a nutritionist sends you quick, balanced menu plans, with a shopping list, recipes, and nutritional information. I do the vegetarian version, but they have a regular (meat) version, a kosher version, and a frugal family version. I always loved to cook, but I was a fairly elaborate cook before, and there's no time for that now, nor would my children appreciate my yuppy menus of old! Keep us posted! Welcome to the wonderful world of older child adoption!

While I certainly agree that the adoption process is time consuming at best, being a workaholic AND going through the process is going to force you to make time for the process which may ease you into a less hectic lifestyle. The good thing is that being a teacher may allow you more time, but only if you take that time and your child or children certainly deserve that. However, you might just find that you trade one compulsion for another (being a workaholic but trading that in for finding yourself working tirelessly to bring your child home and making sure that the house is perfect, etc.). :D I love the suggestions that Tybeemarie gave. In completing the Purpose Driven Life, it helped me to focus on what was really important. Being a teacher myself, it is the most meaningful work I have ever done - being second only to being a mom. So, relax!!!! Everything will fall into place and you will more than likely find something else to stress about (smile)! ;) Once your little one(s) are with you, I'm sure that everything will fall into place and you will find the right balance that suits your families, as well as your, needs! Good luck and welcome to the journey!!! :)

I also am a teacher that used to work A LOT... Well, with children in the home I couldn't stay at work as long or go in as early. I was concerned because I wanted to be the best teacher I could be... well, not to brag, but I still am a good teacher. I have changed some things. I teach middle school so I have to assign tasks to building associates such as photo copying and paper grading, and student service workers - 8th graders that can help... with sorting and organizing etc... all things I would have done myself before. I used to think I managed my time well, but I know I make much better use of my planning period than I used to... I'm also trying to get a new computer (my old one is very bad at home) so I can access the districts server and do grades etc. from home... Good luck... remember take time for yourself, and work will always be there - adopting / foster care is another great thing to do - so I didn't feel so bad not investing quite as much as I had before....

I was also a workaholic teacher. I would go in an hour and a half early and leave around 5 or 6. Most people don't know how much work there is to be done in the classroom. I teach first grade so I'm constantly making things. But you know what? You CAN still be a good teacher by working regular school hours. I just bring a lot more home now. And I also laminate EVERYTHING! Since I have been teaching for 6 years, I can then use the same posters and projects again and again. But I am also an over achiever so I tend to create new things every year. First of all, I use helper moms as much as I can. I have a schedule of volunteers that come in and photocopy, do bulletin boards, cut things out and organize parties. I grade papers when my son goes to bed, and I still usually spend a few hours a night searching the web for new lesson plans. All while watching my favorite TV shows! :) I'm a single mom so I don't have the choice of taking time off from my job. The most important thing right now in my life is my son. My students will still get a wonderful teacher, but I just don't OVER do it. And really, as the years go by...it's gets easier and easier to be a teacher. Things just come natural to you and you know exactly what you will be teaching each month without even having to look. Plus like many others have said...you will still have a lot of hard work ahead of you just by having a child! Whoa is that tough! But again I put everything I have into the job as parent and I LOVE it!