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How does it work in MD regarding the birth parents terminating their rights? I hear that some adopting parents take the infant straight home from the hospital. I thought in MD, the birth parents had 30 days before terminating their rights to the child finalizes. Wouldn't that be a big risk to take the child home when the birth parents could change their minds OR in some cases, do the birthparents sign the paper work before the child is born? -Sherman
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Julia,
I'm in MD as well and their goal is reunification with families. So the kids tend to remain in foster care much longer. They are also not one of the states that will help with adoption costs for parents who live out of state but want to adopt a child who is not in their state. This discourages many families who would otherwise adopt older children without the potential costs. I just attended an adoption meeting with a well known agency (in MD) in which the costs will be about $6,000 if we adopted a child within our own state. But states such as Texas, South Carolina, etc. will pay that fee for us just to provide their children with a forever family. While I love the fact that MD is ensuring that the parents are given every possible opportunity to parent, the sad reality for many children is that they languish in the system so long that a large number of them "age out" of the system without ever having a forever family. I heard a statistic that alarmed me at the meeting: that nearly 80% of prison inmates had at one time or another been a child in the foster care system. So, either we pay early (tax dollars for foster care, reunification and adoption) or we pay later (since most kids who "age out" of the system leave without the resources available to succeed in life and most may not be informed that college is in their grasp since most states will pay for college). But who is going to help the young adult fill out college applications, choose a career path, apply for financial aid or even collect all the pertinent papers needed to receive the free tuition? A lot of the kids barely finished high school, a large number, especially AA males, are disproportionately represented in special education classes. A large number drop out and become involved in criminal activity just to feel as though they belong (a lot of kids simply want to feel as though they belong to someone) and gangs and drug activity help them make money and be part of a "society", however misguided the notion. If we can think of the foster care system as a microcosm of life, then how would a life of crime and the uncertainty that goes with it be any different than being a child in the system (the constant let downs and disappointments with occasional promises being made). For some, jail is actualy much better than living on the streets; they belong to a "crew" or "set", there are meals, a sense of structure, discipline, respect.
When I heard that about 60% of girls in the system eventually become teenaged moms and the cycle oftentimes would continue, then it got me to thinking that maybe adopting an infant is not where we need to be. I will admit that I was a little scared off by foster parents on here who have shared the stories of what they have gone through. But I guess I also had to keep in mind that for every horror story there are thousands of success stories. And maybe I could become part of the solution by giving a child a forever family that is waiting for us.
Sorry this got long, but my point is that there are risks in everything that we do and I guess I don't necessarily think that having a legal risk placement would be a bad thing if it put the parents at ease about their decision. And you could also have a legal risk placement of older children as well. This agency in MD, allows you to search for your child all over the U.S. Some parents request prior to relinguishment that there children only be allowed to remain in their state of birth but most others allow them to be adopted elsewhere. Just yesterday, I saw a beautiful one year old baby girl who just recently came available so maybe if we're willing to search our hearts a little, our children may not take the form of what we originally thought we desired. I now believe that my daughters may be out there searching for me, but are more like 5 and 7 or 3 and 6 rather than 3 months old! :)
Good luck in the search for your child(ren). They find us sooner or later!!!! And I haven't heard any stories of anyone regretting it. Most agree that it was the best thing that they ever did once their children are in their arms. ;)
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