Hospital: Answers Before You Go

If you are planning to place a child into an adoptive home, or even if you're thinking about it and haven't decided you need to read this before you go into labor. ;) Trust me. The hospital can be a scary and very uncontrollable experience-especially if it is your first pregnancy and delivery! You need to be the one in charge, even if that means picking a close friend or family member to make sure your wishes are known and carried out by staff and visitors when you can't be in control of everything. Here are some very vital tips for you to employ at the hospital -regardless of your decision to place or parent. They come from a very wise source that has been there before (ok, I'm not very wise, but trust me on the subject): * Have several copies of a birth plan and a recovery plan (you have to write the latter yourself) with you when you go to the hospital. Pregnancy books have examples and if you google "birth plan" you'll find one there too. It's important that your wishes regarding the birth of your child are known. Sometimes hospital staff will be too busy or will need to trump some of them, but it is a good guideline to have, and lets all the visitors know where they should be. It also acts as an advocate for you! * If possible, room in with your baby. Especially if you are going to place your baby, you will look back on the time you spent with him or her and cherish it like diamonds after relinquishment. You WILL be glad for every second. My daughter slept on my chest for 3 days straight and didn't move except when she had to. Hospital staff may or may not try to encourage you to send your child to the nursery. Before signing the relinquishment forms that baby is yours and you are the mother and you have the right to tell them no. Don't be afraid to. * Don't advertize that you will be placing (or are thinking of placing) your child. They will ask you while you are in labor as part of their paperwork, and don't be startled. You should tell them No if you do not plan on using the hospital's social worker or if you have not made a decision. (It may be wise to say no anyway until after birth and recovery even if you use the hospital's adoption services; but I would advise on finding a non-profit 3rd party to handle the adoption instead.) It is not their business and they do not need to know. Plus, it may save you a lot of trouble in the long run- some nurses and doctors can have really snotty attitudes! *Bring a basket of goodies. Techs, nurses and doctors will be coming into your room at all hours of the day and night. To make your stay a more plesant one fill a basket with individually wrapped chocolate and non-perishable treats. Pack it weeks in advance and set it beside your suitcase. It perks the staff right up and you might find your stay much more enjoyable if the staff walks past a basket of chocolate before they get to you. (Trust me!) * Bring your own robe, fuzzy socks, loose loose fitting clothes, nursing bra and PJs. You'll want to get out of that icky gown as soon as possible. I had a C-section and as soon as they unhooked me from that bed I was up and in my own clean, comfortable clothes and so thankful I had them. Check the list in the back of your pregnancy book! * Designate one trusted person as interference. You'll need him or her to screen your phone calls and visitors while you're in labor and turn people away during your few precious days there. If you do allow visitors make it into a 1 or 2 hour block a day or two before you leave the hospital. Make a general announcement before you go that everyone should call this interference person before they plan a visit to make sure you were taking visitors. I made the mistake of letting everyone come and my poor daughter got passed around for hours and I missed out on a lot. They can catch up later-you need mom time. *Remember that you are the mom, you are the one in charge, you should be making the decisions. You do not have to let others form your birthing and hospital experience for you. You CAN breastfeed your baby-and you will be the only one to do that! You CAN change your baby's first diaper, dress your baby and let your baby sleep on your chest at night. You CAN be in control and you do not have to let a nurse tell you what you can and cannot do (as long as its in accordance with hospital policy). *Take rolls and rolls of pictures. Better yet, have someone ELSE take rolls and rolls of pictures. They're better than gold later. Your time with your baby is better than pictures, but when that time is gone pictures are priceless. Your time in the hospital can be a good experience and I don't want you to have regrets. These are suggestions that should be in every pregnancy and adoption book. Some I heeded and others I did not. All of these are very wise choices. Take them, share them and mold them to fit your own dream hospital plan. If you are planning to parent or place, it doesn't matter. You are the mother of that baby before and after he or she is born and you are just like every other wonderful mother on this planet. Don't let them treat you differently or try to mistreat you. Kindly and respectfully ensure that your wishes are honored-and when you are not capable of speaking for yourself (such as being in heavy labor or early recovery) have someone there who knows your wishes and will speak for you. Congratulations, good luck and God bless!