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Okay, this is a little ways down the line, but I wanna learn as much as I can about it now. Some backstory: I was married in 2000, and my daughter was born almost exactly a year later. By later 2002, our marriage was failing, and by early 2003, was definately over. Due to poor finances, and my 'husband' deciding to quit his job, neither of us could afford to move. We lived in the same house until Oct 2004. During that time, I met and dated a man, and we became quite serious. My daughter and I moved out in Oct 2004, 3000 miles away to be with my boyfriend. We now live with my boyfriend, and I'm still legally married to my ex. Working on finances, and starting to save some money to get all the legal work done. Once I divorce, my boyfriend and I would like to marry, and he would like to adopt my daughter. My ex has not had any contact with her, and has no interest in her. He's wanting to terminate his parental rights as soon as possible, but I cannot afford to file anything yet, and he's not willing to help contribute at all. He's still jobless, living with his mother, and just anxious to get divorced and terminate his rights to my daughter. Well, since I had to apply for Medi-Cal he got some papers regarding child support, and at that point decided to contact me, angry that I'm 'trying to get money out of him'. Anyway, once I am able to afford to file for divorce, and proceed with terminating his rights, what's the process like? Can I do it on my own, or will I need an attorney? What are costs like? I've talked to attorneys on the phone, you know, the free consults, and have been told that even with a small child and being several states apart, since all is uncontested that it won't be hard at all. But I'm still cluless. Like I said, I'm also pretty new to CA, and don't know what the laws/rules are here. Any advice? Opinions? Thoughts?
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First, from what I hear depending on the county you need to be married for at least a year before even trying to do stepparent adoption. Since the father is so willing to give up his rights it should be rather easy for you and from what the social worker here in Sacramento County tells me a lawyer is not necessary. I do recommend being very sure that this man really wants to take over all financial responsibilities. If he were to divorce you he would then have to pay child support just like he was the childs biological father. There is a book you can buy called How to Adopt Your StepChild in California by Frank Zagone. That will have all the forms and step by step instructions on how to go about it.
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Thanks for the reply. We already know that there may be a year or more after marriage to start adoption proceedings, and are prepared for that, I just wanna learn everything I can now, instead of being dumb-founded as we're ready to proceed. He also realizes what adopting her means for him. Financial responsibilities etc. He already has a child he has full custody of, and is fully aware of what raising a child entails.He already is basically her father, and is already providing for her financially, etc... (as I only work part-time).
Has the divorce already started to go through. I would focus on the divorce and remarriage first. You have to married in my county for at least 10 months before filing for the adoption. the termination of his parental rights more than likely will not happen until you file for the adoption. I do not believe that family law court has the jurisdiction. Now you might be able to get a consent formed signed now relinquishing his rights. Even that has to be sign in front of a clerk or social worker though. I guess to answer your question your steps would be 1 get divorced 2 get remarried 3 file for the adoption after a 10 month period, some counties it is a year, find out from your local clerk. 4 have a social worker or probatrion officer review the stepparent adoption ( a proceess involving a background check, etc) 5 a free from custody hearing, this is where is parental rights a relinquished 6 the adoption hearing 7 You have adopted the child. I hope thiis helps because I am a little confused on what you are looking for.
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No. His mother is still, minimally, involved, and would not consent to an adoption. Although, I would if she would allow it.We all live together as a family, and are a family, so really don't 'need' the children to be adopted by each other. My daughter's father has told me outright he plain just doesn't care about her, so honestly, who needs a parent like that?? And my other issue would be her last name. Once I marry, she'll be the only one in our family with a different last name, and quite honestly, I'd rather her have the same name as we do.
Good ! so the divorce is in california also huh? You are still going to have to go through some sort of child custody with him. Whether he cares or not. At least in the state of california. WHen that happens make sure you retain sole legal and physical custody of her. That does make a differance with the adoption. So if he does change his mind by the time you decide to do the adoption it is a good thing for you. I know how you feel about the last name thing. All of us have the same last name and my daughters is differant, but that will be changing. IT is hard with the child support thing through the state, I have experienced the same thing yet it is california law and if you want medical insurance for your child it is the only way to go. I know my husband just got a job past november and now my daughter is on his insurance. So now he is not hit with any type of child support at all. Oh ya , there is a process to the divorce. You go through a couple of hearings. In my case I was able to get the judge to grant the divorce before we finished all the other proceedings. So if you do it that way you can get remmaried quicker. Just a suggestion. He may not want anything to do with her right now but anything can happen so I would try to work as fast as I could.
Honestly, this might sound mean, but I'm really trying to do things while he still feels this way. It would just be so much harder on everyone, but mostly my daughter, if he had a 'change of heart' sometime down the road. I don't see it happening, but you never know!! Things are going slowly with the divorce and child support stuff, as in, they're just starting to send out paperwork, and since he's in another state, my county doesn't have jurisdiction, so I need to file specific papers so they can file in his county etc etc. It will take some time, but yeah, working on it! When he contacted me about the child support papers, he had the nerve to ask if he should even worry about the child support or just wait until he can terminate his rights. I'm like, ummm you ARE responsible for her up until that point. He just doesn't get it...
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Now are you suing him for child support or is the state of california? If the state of california is, dont even worry about that with the divorce. The thing is, those two cases are not the same. I have the two differant cases. I would just file for divorce and go for it. I would not worry about child support. Since he is willing to relinquish his rights you would not have to prove anything as far as that goes. But I will tell you my daughters bf owes $10,000 to the state of california and even when the adoption goes through he will still owe it. So he is pegged with the child support for the past 3 years. SO if he pays it or not that is his decision. You can have the child support issue going on all the while your new husband adopts her. And if it is the state they will not give up on getting the money they had already spent. I would just file another case in the jurisdiction you live in. If he does not show up to the hearing than request the divorce. I found that I gave up on the debts with my ex just to make things go faster. I too was waiting for a divorce to get remarried. Now does your soon to be husband now carry medical insurance? If not you may still be able to get the medical and they will not charge him for it once she is adopted. My whole family had medical and they did not charge my husband with my sons since we were together. Anyways I hope this helps a little bit. I am just wondering why it is going to take a while. You may also qualify for a fee waiver for the divorce. Truly the only income you will have to report is yours and include your 2 children as your dependants. It shouldnt cost much money at all if all you work is part time. I know a lot about the divorce area. And those courts.
Go to this link....
[url]http://www.dss.cahwnet.gov/cdssweb/On-lineFor_272.htm[/url]
You want form AD 2B. You can fill out most of the form yourself and send it to him to be signed and noterized. This way you already have his consent. This may also make the adoption move through quicker once you get married.
This will not relieve him of his obligation of child support. etc. until the adoption is final...but at least you will have the consent in your hand and it will take a court order to withdraw it.
As for low cost health insurance for children in California.....look at this website:
[url]http://www.healthyfamilies.ca.gov/hf/hfhome.jsp[/url]
I have my kids on this and it is great health insurance. I think that it has much more flexibility than Medi- cal and you don't have as much paperwork as you do with Medi-cal.
If you have to go on government aid for any length of time then the state will go after him for the money on that and it has nothing to do with you. You don't need to explain that to him though....if the state comes after him he can direct all his questions to the district attorney's office.
Hope this helps.