parents finding out where you live

Hi Everyone, I'm a newbie and my husband and I are taking the classes in May. We have 3 bio children all girls and I'm looking to foster a little boy and hopefully adopt. I've been reading a lot about fostering. I have a few concerns though! My biggest concern is the bio parents finding out where I live and harassing us. That scares me to death. Especially because I have 3 young bio children. Can anyone give me some feedback on this? Thanks in advance!

They can find out (mine have). However, mine were never violent about it. In this day and age, I'm thinking it's not that hard to find an address.

Ditto with the Previous or Above Poster, and well said!! 'Google' yourself, and Anything can be found out about you on the Internet!! Most or I would even say all Case Workers would also Advocate Court's Orders of Protections if you feel the Parents are harrassing or antagonizing!! We have Fostered or Fostered to Adopted since March of 2000. The biggest problem that I have with Biological Families is managing the Visitations.

Ugh! I just googled myself and yes my address pops right up. Did any of you have any difficulties with the Bio parents knowing where you live?

We did everything we could possibly do to remain anonymous, and the bio parents of two of our kids found out where we lived. In our case, it was due to another foster mom that watched our kids one weekend and sent a diaper bag that had our names and info in it. If they really wanted to find out, they could. My kids were always transported to and from dshs for visitation with them. They could have just followed the transporter back to our house. The good news is, the dad in this case is a freak, but he has not harassed us at all. The bio mom has sent letters, asking for contact, but that's it. I was more concerned with becoming a foster parent and helping these kids than I was concerned over the risk of these people finding our identity and location. It happens, but if you feel called to foster/adopt, it's a risk you will take, and for us it has been well worth it.

How are you defining 'Difficulties' please?? Could you possibly share what some of your fears or anxieties are please?? Kids are removed for varying reasonings. As a Foster Family, you are able to choose, but alot of Removal reasonings are sometimes extremely very unfair, unjustified, or not validated?? In our state (California) the Clinical or Judicial Advocacy is Reunification with the Birth Family, but sometimes either there is no Clinical, Emotional, or Family Support System, for the Biological or Birth Parents to achieve this which causes anger?? As a Foster Parent, I can easily say I don't want to do this based on the Sandy Hook Elementary School Massacure as an Example. As well as the fact that I know that there are no Mental Health Services Advocacy, for People like Adam Lanza. Yet I agree also with the previous post as well also. ' That if you feel called to foster/adopt, it's a risk you will take, and for us it has been well worth it!! '

depending on where you live, your address may be given to the family right away. other states protect you more and try to keep your last name and address out of it. yes, you can find yourself on google--but only because you know your last name. you can, however, request your name and address be removed from places like spokeo. you do have a right to privacy. can you turn down a situation? sure. i've never had to cite the Sandy Hook shootings though. the truth is that when they call you, they seldom have enough info to let you know about the family. you might learn about the reason from removal, the genders and ages of the kids, but usually that's about it. i had one placement where mom knew not only where i lived, but also had our phone number for daily contact with her 14 yr old daughter. she never abused that situation. of the other 16 kids we've had, only one has contacted us--the bio mom of our 2 adopted kids. she got our full names from the court papers after TPR--they weren't redacted. she called here once 2 years ago. she sends cards and letters occasionally. outside of that, nothing. i want you to know that with our placements, there has only been one mom that worried me due to her gang affiliation. the others were fine. the last mom and dad are 2 of the sweetest, most gentle people i've ever seen with kids. their issue, like most of the families we've served, is one of addiction and generational neglect--they had no real model of good parenting. they have my phone number and still text from time to time. the biggest problem will come in the form of false accusations. it happens to all of us at least once. i've read that 90% of what we worry about never happens, and the 10% that does is beyond our control. parents harassing you is one of those little issues. it happens, but there's not much you can do. don't let this fear keep you from fostering. i've been doing this for 7 years. i've never been less than safe. and i've been extraordinarily more than blessed!

Bio parents had our address due a mix up of the CW sending out daycare info to the bio family instead of us. So they not only knew where we lived, but where she was going to daycare as well. I was angry about it at first. But like others have said, you can pretty easily find out where someone lives these days. (But not where the kids are going to daycare!) However, we have had no problems or issues from the bio family. We did go ahead an install a home security system, but have never had to use those services. (Except the one time I had a false alarm due to a helium balloon flying around and tricking the motion detector while we were gone.)

Please understand that most birthparents are NOT violent criminals who will put you and your children at risk. They are simply people who have made some bad decisions in their lives and, as a result, cannot parent the children they bore. Some may have had babies at a very young age, and may not have had a good support system. Some may have used alcohol or drugs, and may have neglected their children or been unable to support them, because of their addictions. If you cannot accept the birthparents as people who may very well have a good deal of love for the children whom they relinquished or who have been taken from them, you may not want to foster or adopt.Also, please understand that there are ways to protect yourselves from those few birthparents who might try to steal from you, kidnap their biological child, threaten you and your family with bodily harm, and so on. As an example, even if you really would like an open adoption, it might be advisable in certain cases to communicate with birthparents only through an intermediary, such as a social worker at the agency, sending only letters and pictures without identifying information, and so on. If there are concerns, such as a birthparent who is frequently high on drugs or who has been in prison for violent crimes, you do NOT have to invite him/her to your home, or even allow meetings to occur. You can make sure that your children's schools or day care centers know that only you and your spouse should have access to the child, and that the birthparents should not have any contact. You can get a restraining order if a biological family member has been stalking you And so on.In many cases, families set up totally separate Facebook pages and email accounts for use with their children's biological parents, to minimize the chance that they will be identified by a potentially harmful birth relative. Having visitation only in the social worker's office, and only if the social worker determines that the birthparents are not high on drugs or behaving in unacceptable ways, is quite common when there is someone dangerous or likely to behave irrationally in the birth family. Changing one's phone number to an unlisted one is possible, and scouring the Internet to remove your address or phone number from sites like White Pages may also work. Once you adopt, and are no longer just fostering, a child, you can even have his/her Social Security number changed so that a birth relative will not be able to use it to find out where you are or to to commit identity theft. Yes, some birthparents can be annoying, even though they are not dangerous in any way. Some may tell you stories, true or not, to try to persuade you to help them out with rent, car repair, or other financial obligations. You don't have to respond to guilt trips by giving money; you can refer them to a reputable social service agency. Some may continue to say things like "my son", even when a child is no longer their son, and may try to tell your child that, someday, he will come home to his "real mother", even though a final adoption has occurred. You can try to correct the birthparents gently, or even let them know that talking to your child in that way upsets him, and that if they continue, you will have to cut off contact. Some will push for as much contact as possible, yet fail to show up for meetings or to answer the phone when you call. These behaviors reflect immaturity on the part of the birthparents, due to their own upbringing and circumstances. YOU can be an adult, and handle them sensitively but firmly.All in all, I think that you are a little overly worried. Talk to a social worker about the likelihood that you will be referred a child with a violent or otherwise dangerous birth family. I think that he/she will tell you that, while it occasionally happens, most birthparents do NOT pose a risk to you and your family. But if you simply can't handle a little drama, like a birthmother who is having trouble "letting go" of her child, you may decide that fostering or adopting is not right for you.Sharon

When We First Started A Long Time Ago The Only Problem We Had Was With A 5 Year Old Boy And 3 Year Old Girl Sibling Set The Bio Dad Had R*ped The Little Girl And Had Escaped The Local Jail Were He Was Being Held And Entered The School They Were Attending And Unfortunately The Little Boy Was Shot Defending His Sister He Battled In The PICU For A While But Eventually Was Able To Come Home With Us The Next Worse Problem Was We Found Out A Teenage Boy We Were Providing Long Term Foster Care For Lost His Job And Instead Of Telling Us He Joined His Dad’s Gang Luckily We Found Him And Got Him The Help He Needed (He Was 12 He Is Now 29 And Has 5 Kids And Is Working As A Nurse) The Likeliness That You Will Experience Any Type Of Bad Situation Is Not Likely (I Have Fostered Over 2,500 Kids) And Only Had Some Problems With The Parents And Security