very depressed lately

Hugs being sent your way, doesn't help the pain go away .... thinking of you. Philippa :)

makhaze, Hugs, I know how you feel. I have missed my daughter for almost 34 years now. I just started searching last year. What have you done in your search? While searching take the time to like yourself and become a person your daughter would be proud of. Best wishes, Barbara

I've done really all I know to do. ISRR, reunion registries, sent to state for non-id information. Depression is not really the word for what I've been experiencing lately. It's more like torture. I keep making myself remember the day I left the hospital. I walked right by the nursery and heard a baby crying. Thought it was her. Did she know I was leaving her? Did she sense that? Did she wonder why she never heard my voice again? I just feel so guilty all of a sudden. And worried, too. Why isn't she searching the registries? What if something happened to her? I wouldn't even know. I have tried to talk to my husband, but he just gets frustrated with me. Tells me the past is the past and there's nothing I can do about it. Sorry, but that doesn't do a lot for me. Anyway, thanks for your support here. It helps.

Don't ever give up hope. Some adoptees don't even start searching until they are in their 30's. I know the feeling of "What if something happened to her?" Before I found out that my birthdaughter was alive and happy, I worried about whether or not that she was killed during the 911 attacks. Did you go through an agency? If so, then maybe you can contact them. The agency I worked with was able to locate my daughter's aparents who informed her of my wishes for contact. She declined at this time but did send me a copy of her wedding portrait. Wow! At least I know that she is alive and well. I do long to meet her some day. You may want to consider putting a waiver of confidentiality in her file. If you need a sample letter, just pm me and I will send you one. In the meantime, I would just keep posting (always listing date of birth, gender, and city and state of birth) in hopes that she may wander into the world of cyber and run across one of your posts. I would also read and visit these forums. They are a wealth of information and give you great insights into all sides of the adoption triad. It has help me tremendously this past year. Best wishes, Barbara

Paula,You and I have ALOT in common. I gave up my son will be 21 years ago this year July. My daughter 18 years ago this year December. I too keep wondering why hasn't he found me? Does he think of me? Does he want to know me but afraid for fear of rejection? Does he wonder what I look like? I too have registered with ISRR and on numerous other adoption sites and with the state. I still want it all to happen TODAY. I don't want to wait another second. I need to know that they are OK. If they don't want to know me, that will crush me but I respect their decision whatever that may be. I just want to know that they are both OK and alive.I too have problems talking with my husband about it. I thought that if I shared my feelings about my children with him that it would bring us closer. I have never felt more distant from him than I do now. He knew before we married that I had children and that I would be a part of their lives again if they wanted me to. I just feel so alone right now. Thank God for my wonderful Mom (who also placed her daughter, my sister in 1965) who so understands. She's my best friend. And this forum, it is truly a God send! Please feel free to pm me if you want to talk anytime. The more support we get the lighter we feel. I will be thinking of you and pray for you.God bless,Robin

Barbara- thanks again. No, I didn't go through an agency. It was a private adopton. My obstetrician recommended the couple that adopted my baby. They had some infertility problems and were coming to him for help. I never met them, never got names. I did try to find the doctor, but he has retired and moved away. can't locate him.Robin - thank you so much. it really helps to connect with someone who is going through the same thing. I feel exactly the same, i want it to happen TODAY. Even if she rejected me, at least i would know she's alive! The thing with my husband is that he is the birthfather, so I really feel like we should be able to lean on each other. But his attitude is that it happened so long ago, i should be over it. just the opposite is true. the more time goes by, the more it hurts. i'm glad you have your mom to help you. thanks again. - Paula

Paula, Sending you another hug, makes you wonder how your husband would feel/react if you were both reunited with your daughter. My husband isn't my son's bfather so it was different for me although we never really talked about him much. It did blow up in our faces though when I was reunited with my son last year. My husband was pleased for me but he had to deal with jealousy, anger and having to share me/fear of losing me to another man. He felt at times his feelings were irrational but they were real. With time he has got used to our reunion and has always been supportive particularly during the difficult times but it has calmed down now. My husband and son now get on much better which helps as well. Hugs, Philippa :)

I think I posted a reply to your husband on adoptionmeet.com. It sounded like the same situation, anyway. He is to be commended for supporting you and sticking it out. We birthmoms can be very emotional! Also, I think you are the one I spoke to on adoptionmeet about doing a support group. I have got everything into motion with that. Made some flyers, put them in libraries, getting calls. I am very excited about that! It gets my mind off of things!

Yes, you have responded to me and my husband on adoptionmeet - wanted to show support there as it is a new site. I don't know how I would have coped if it hadn't been for him. In the early days my husband went through hell with me as well as having to cope with his own feelings but that speaks volumes for our marriage. I'm glad the flyers have worked - keep me informed I am interested to know how it works out with the support group. Philippa :)