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I am an adoptee who has just made contact with some of my birth family. I've noticed both cousions whom I've contacted seem to be having a reaction to being contacted by me. Old memories of not so perfect childhoods. Can anyone share with me if they went through this and what I can do to help. These family members have been nothing but wonderful and I don't want to see them hurting over this.
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I am an expert on this....My family wanted the "old me" back..which was impossible...However, after more than a year, my children embrace my son as their "blood brother"...wonderful finally...His family, on the other hand, still struggles with these issues...I receive e-mails of passive-aggressive content that are very hurtful. My son and I have decided to ignore it and go on with our reunion. These are not "our" issues.
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Hi Newlyorphaned!
I, too, contacted my bcousins. And that was really a suprising situation. One was really happy because she had never had a real live cousin before. But the 3 male cousins never responded and the other female cousin sent a really, cruel, nasty letter. I was shocked! And angry! But then I stopped to think about why this had happened. And I came to the conclusion that this cousin could not have possibly been angry with me because she didn't know me. But her anger was directed at me because I made her realize that what she had thought was her reality wasn't. She hadn't known that our grandmother had given up a child and that child gave up a baby (me.) It was all to much for her comprehend. Her world wasn't what she thought it was. And even though she is professional, highly educated woman she couldn't deal with this.
I think that when someone in our bfamily doesn't accept us or gives us a difficult time it is because of their own "ghosts", their own hurts from their past.
I hope that our cousins will "come around" in time.
I don't think mine ever will. It is really sad. They don't know what they are missing!
With my son he had contact with my parents, my sister, her husband and her three daughters before I found him last year - long story why. He gets on fine with them however he wasn't very happy that in effect my family had lied to him - them claiming they didn't know where I was and not telling me they had contact with him. He also isn't happy about my sister telling him things that weren't true about me/my past. A few months ago he contacted one of my cousins whom he seems to get on well with as well.
Philippa :)