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I'm a birthmom looking for my daughter born in South Carolina on 1/5/87. I've been told by others that a lot of adoptees feel they were rejected or abandoned. This is what prompted me to write this letter and assure many of you adoptees that this is not the case with most birthmoms. Most of us are looking forward to a reunion and/or any kind of information. I know I am. I pray you are reading this note, daughter, because I think about you every day and look forward to meeting you some day.
Dear Adoptee,
Please dont reject me, your birthmom. I gave you to your adoptive family because I was unable to fulfill the role of parent at the time. Without thinking of my wants and needs, I thought of yours. When I held you after you were born and looked into your eyes, every fiber of my being wanted to hold you forever. The desire for you to be raised in a happy, loving home with two parents who could provide you a good life overcame my instinct to keep you for myself.
If you could only imagine what it must have been like to be a pregnant teenager with no support from family or boyfriend. In that day, I could have aborted you as many do today. That would have been the ultimate rejection; however, instead I chose to give you life no matter how great the pain of loss to me would be. I have carried that empty hole in my heart for all of these years you are gone. Only reconnecting with you will bring complete satisfaction to my life and an understanding to yours.
I did not abandoned you or reject you when I gave you to someone who couldnҒt have children of their own. You were a gift of love. They needed a child to fill their arms, and you needed loving parents to fulfill all your needs and dreams.
I know that I am only a stranger now and it may feel awkward to step out and make that connection. Fear of the unknown may be holding you back or fear of being rejected. Maybe youre angry about being given away and feel you were rejected or abandoned. That is not the case for most birthmoms and certainly not me. We never forget the child we brought into the world. We have a natural desire to see our offspring succeed in life and embrace with unconditional love those who struggle.
I ask you to put the mystery to rest and step out to meet us. We are standing here, waiting with open arms. We donҒt want to disrupt your life or take away from your adopted parents. We have the desire to know who youve become and how your life has been for we have longed to know these things since the beginning. If you chose to meet us, developing a friendship with you would be a dream come true. But, as hard as it would be for me, if you choose not to have a relationship, it would be nice to at least have the knowledge of how you are doing. Please donҒt turn away from my hopes. You are and always have been in my thoughts and prayers. I hope to hear from you soon.
With love,
Your Birthmom
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I hope that you find your daughter. I also gave up my daughter when I was 16 and felt the same way as you. I think that a lot of people forget that it is about the baby and what is best for them. Not us the mother. I have always felt that being a mother meant putting your needs and wants aside and doing what is in the child's best interest. Best of luck in your search.
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melodyz,
Crying as I read your post, it felt like you had read my mind! Sometimes I feel at 17, I made the most adult choice I have ever made. My prayers will be with you in hoping we can both find our children. I too would love a freindship, as I would never try to take the place of her parents. If she didn't want that, just knowing she is okay will be enough.
Many blessings to you!
Jenn
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