He isn't even a little curious?

Not to minimize what you are feeling at all, as I understand completely. Maybe his response goes something like this: He knows his parents. He knows his siblings. He knows who was there when he skinned his knee and had his first date. He knows about spending hours out shooting the breeze with his dad as they played hoops, and about how his mom has that tone of voice that means you better act right now or else. He has managed just fine without a medical history and has one for himself now that is plenty large enough (starting at that fever at 3 weeks that had his parents worrying their hearts out). He feels secure and complete in knowing who HE is. He knows where he came from. He knows he had a birth family, then an adoptive family. He knows about his grandmother's gout and his great-grandfather's service in the war. He feels like he is where he belongs. He is at peace with his birthmother's decision. He trusts her instincts. She knew it was best for him to have a new family and he accepts that. I have a relative who found out that she had known her birthmom all along, as they went to church together. Another relative worked for her! She had NO interest whatsoever, and even didn't go to her birthmother's funeral at the church a couple years ago... and this as a 40-something yo. She didn't harbor angry feelings, she just didn't have ANY feelings for her birthmom. She says she knows who her Mom is, that pain in the butt down the hall who eats all her chocolate. :rolleyes: Her sister was also adopted and does have a relationship with her birthmom. But the one I'm talking about says her sister is no less her sister, her mom no less her mom. She puts no stock in genetics and everything in who was there. Her sister, however, says the exact same thing as you. :D

I understand that, in part. I never really felt like there was a NEED until a few years ago. Gnawing curiosity, sure, but that's probably largely because my parents have always been very open to discussing the curiosity to the point that my mom offered to do whatever she could if and when I ever decided to start looking. This was ten years ago, mind you, and at the time, I had no interest in finding out anything. Now, though, well, I think a LOT of it has to do with the medical history thing. I've had a bit of a rough go in the past few years, and a lot of the medical issues are likely hereditary. I'd like to know what else may or may not be there. Also, I guess I feel like I owe it to MY children (when I have them, if I can even have them in the first place) to know our genetic background. The other stuff, well, that's just really more about curiosity.I don't know if I will really want a relationship with the birthfamily or not. I guess I'll figure that out as I go along. Right now, I'd just like to know who they are.

.....who had very very little desire to know his bfamily. He was only mildly curious and I think that may be stretching it a bit. While I was searching for my bfamily he didn't understand my need to have more info. I couldn't understand either....how can he not want to know who they were. After completing my search, it was then that he desired to have some knowledge of his biological family. Now we are both in reunion. He has little to no contact with his bfamily, I on the other hand still struggle with the knowledge that my bmom never looked back and still have need for some contact with her. The ironic part is that his bmom is very attentive and he does not need/desire this....and my bmom barely acknowledges I exsist.

Different strokes for different folks I guess.. My brother was also adopted and he has never had any desire at all to search for his birthfamily. His reaction, when he heard that I was searching was "I know who my parents are even if she doesn't" Goodness, it was never about replacement parents...of course I know who my parents are and they are most definetly the ones that raised me. He just didn't understand, which I must admit surprised me. My brother isn't even a little bit curious....no interest at all. He did make the comment years ago that he wouldn't search and why would he..."she didn't want me then, so why should I want her now?" Mmmmmmm....I do wonder at times if there are feelings that need to be acknowledged and addressed but thats not my business and certainly not my place to say anything.

I have never had a desire to find my biological parents. Everyone has different needs and desires for what completes the heart and souls of each individual. Never for once in my life have I been curious about starting a relationship with someone who has been a complete stanger in my life. The only person I have any desire to meet is my biological sister, who was adopted the year prior to my birth. She is what I consider my link and my connection to our history. I have 2 older brothers and 2 older sisters, whom I adore. But growing up, I never had the bond with them as they did with each other. I was the kid sister who was 13 years younger than her closest sibling. I craved to have a friend and confidant, that my friends and my own siblings had. My parents did consider adopting again after I was a year or two old, but due to my dad's age (44) they declined. My family and my connection have been made, it was decided 33 years ago when my parents braved a blizzard in Jan of 1972 to bring me home. To see my mother light up when she tells me they learned they were going to "have a girl". How last minute it was, and how they both immediately called everyone and said they were leaving straight away to bring me home. My heart is full and content, and I love my life as it has existed all of these years. I don't believe many people will believe me that I don't have some curiousity or some inkling to discover those two people that made it possible for me to live. Some of us are ok with the way things turned out.

I read through this thread very fast so I am not sure that someone else hasn't given you this advice, but why don't you just ask him what his feelings are. If he answers "i just don't want to" then i would ask him to elaberate. If he isn't comfortable he won't. Or maybe if you do really like this person wait a little longer, and ask again ,when you have had more time to get to know each other. He has to have more reasons then "Just don't want to" I wouldn't push it, but if he does open up a little and tell you,, I would considor that a positive in the relationship, as most men aren't the greatest at sharing. Just my opinion, I am also a adoptee, but had no interest untell I was in my middle thirties. My brother who is a year younger has no interest now, but as I remember he did as a kid. So again like mentioned everyones needs are different. good luck andi

My adopted brother never wanted to search for his bparents. I guess I never understood this as I have always had such a deep need to find mine. I wonder what the percentage of guys vs girls who don't want to know is. I had wonderful adopted parents whom I loved very much. And I wasn't trying to replace them in any way when I began my search. What I was looking for was something to fill the "hole" that was deep inside of me. I wanted to know that I looked like someone and to figure out the mystery that I saw everytime I looked in the mirror. In my case, I look exactly like my bmom. And I am reunited with my bsibs. There is a very strong connection there. We all are a lot a like with each one being unique too in his or her own way. I also have medical history which has been crucial to me as I have had some serious medical problems including a stroke. I am not saying that searching is right for everyone. We are all very unique individuals with our own wants and needs and each one of us chooses what is important in their life. So your friend may never choose to search. I know it is difficult for those of us who have had this gnawing deep inside all of our lives to understand. He also may change his mind sometime in the future. Snuffie