Too many emotions hitting at once!

I just placed my child April 2005. Now, being only 1 day later, I have just so many emotions hitting me, I don't know what to do.I read about the phases of grief and loss... I think I'm going through every phase at once! Last night I felt denial, depression, and anger at myself hit. Today it's about the same however I'm getting a sense of acceptance. What will it be like tomarrow... or for the next year?I'm a single mom of two already so just thinking of the things I'm going to miss in my baby's life is hard. But I know what I'll miss. When she lifts her head up, when she takes her first bite of food, when she sits up, when she stands, her first tooth, her first step, and the rest of the big accomplishements in her life.Although I've been through it all twice with my own children, it is different between each child... it is so hard to accept that I will miss those small milestones in her life.I try to keep my days busy but leave myself a little time to grieve. But I'm scared to grieve because I might grieve the wrong way by drinking alcohol or getting upset at my kids.Oh I just don't know what to think right now! I am planning on seeking counsiling but that will take awhile for my first appointment. I have people here to talk to however they do have different points of view about the adoption... really I just want to talk and someone to listen without saying a word.