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My daughter placed her son 6mths ago and it already feels like a lifetime. Her father's and my response was one of anger. I believe our anger lead her to this decisison because she believed we would not support her in anyway and being 17 still in hs school she did not see how she would do this alone. The father and her are still " together" but she had said to me she did not trust him to be there,as in 18 yrs, to help raise their child and that was part of her reason for adoption. The heartache I see in her and the pain of missing Hudson ( his birth name), the fear and guilt I feel is so overwhelming. I own the behaviors that lead me to feel guilty. I am looking for help and guidance in trying to begin some healing for our family.I have read so much on the net the last several days about adoption some favorable and some not. What I call the logic of adoption and the emotion of adoption are so opposed. This is my first time to write and i hope i have not offended anyone. please assist my family if you can. looking for info. on support groups in the Dallas area. Pray forsome peacetograce our family.Thanks for listening
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I was a teen parent! My own father reacted with anger and told me if I brought my daughter home that I wouldnt be going to his house. That's what he said when he found out I was pregnant. I knew I was going to bring my daughter home even if it meant the worst, that I would have to drop out of highschool. It took a couple months, but he then told me I could stay and that he'd prefer if I stayed with him. Then bought the crib!
Anger is weird sometimes. I'm sure she expected you to be angry when you found out she was pregnant. I cant imagine a parent being happy about thier teenager being pregnant. For me my fathers anger didnt have a large impact on my final decision to parent. It is possible that her decision to place was more about her and her child than about how it impacted you or the support she felt she would or would not recieve from you. I can understand you feel guilty now thinking you might have caused her to make this painful decision, but I'm willing to guess that she may have had an idea of it before you found out she was pregnant. Or maybe I'm way off base. Either way, forgive yourself first, you feeling guilty wont help your daughter. Forgive your daughter and work on getting through this. Talk to her openly about how you feel, your guilt and remorse, if you think it might help her to know you feel terrible/responsible for her pain. Just let her know you are there for her... I guess that's all.
Just want to really want to back up what Michelle wrote. My parents had the opposite attitude which was to insist that my baby would be adopted no matter what and it took me a long time to forgive them for the pressure they put me through.
No matter how you feel it's best to let your daughter know that you are there for her first and foremost. There's nothing wrong with the way you feel so it is also a good thing to deal with that as well.
Philippa