POSITIVE ASPECT - What did your Aparents do right?

Hello - first time poster and all that. I'll also use the word Mum rather than Mom...can't help it...I'm English!Anyway. I was always aware that I was adopted but that's as far as it went. Otherwise I was treated just like any other kid in a decent home. Told off when I was naughty, praised when I was good. Just as it's supposed to be in the text book! They have their faults, and in retrospect could have done things better but those faults were not a result of adoption, they would have been apparent irrespective. Now I'm a parent with 2 kids, I'm propbably making exactly the same mistakes!!!

I am an adoptee-lite,which means adopted by one parent.My father is actually my adoptive father.My birthmom is my mom.The best thing he did for me was love me,and he was , he is, and he has always been just my Dad!!He loves me like he loves my brother{his bio son}.There are no differences in the bond.I am fortunate to have this wonderful man for my "DADDY".

[font=Century Gothic]well they told me right off from day 1 that i was adopted. They never kept it secret altho amom says since reunion she wishes she never told me..but anyway, they also helped me search and was encouraging during the search. They paid the $$ for the best christmas present of my life.. my bmomma.[/font][font=Century Gothic]The got a mediator and found my bmomma.[/font]

Being open and honest is the most important thing a.parents should do. I've always known that I was adopted and have fond memories of my a.mother reading "The Chosen One" (a book about being adopted) to me as my bedtime story. I have 2 older brothers who are also adopted and when my a.mother mysteriously/miraculously gave birth to a healthy baby boy at age 38 (after years of miscarriages and being told she could never carry a baby to full term) - my brothers and I begged our parents to tell my younger brother that he was adopted so he could be "chosen" like we were. In our minds - anyone can be born, but only special people are chosen! Although my brothers and I don't know any of our b.moms, my parents often included them in our nightly prayers saying they were a blessing to our family. My a.mom often told me that I am blessed that my b.mom loved me so much that she put my needs before her own. As a result, I have never felt abandonment or anger - I've only felt special and grateful.

Nice to hear the positive stories. I just started a blog about adopting our daughter, [url]www.adoptingemma.blogspot.com[/url] and have received some criticism for not understanding the problems my daughter - it is assumed will most surely - face.I'm going to post some of the comments at the site. You all said it better than I did.

I was adopted as an infant in 1980. From the beginning my parents (my aparents), told me as much as they knew as soon as i was able to understand. When i was five or six i started activley asking questions about adoption, and to explain it to me they took me to the animal shelter. They allowed me to choose any animal that i wanted, and put my name on the adoption certificate. I was able to grasp the idea about adoption more easily when they gave me an opportunity to experience a smaller scale version of adoption. While growing up, my mom and dad were very supportive in my curiosity about my bparents, and allowed me to look at my non id info when i was about 16 or 17. the one thing i always want my aparents to know is that they will always be my parents, even if i find my bparents.

What a great, thoughtful question! For me, always knowing that I was adopted was a big plus. I don't remember a specific time I was told, it was just something I grew up knowing and I'm grateful for that. I also have a 19 year old son who was adopted by my husband of 17 years. I was never married to his bdad. Because I was always so glad to have always known I was adopted, we raised him with the same knowledge from the get-go. Our other 2 children have always known as well, and we've been spared any difficulties or awkwardness regarding the issue. Another thing I truly appreciate about my amom is that she has always been "supportive" about my desire to search out my bmom. I put "supportive" in quotes because even though she has absolutely no problem with my seeking, she isn't the warm/fuzzy/my-mom-is-my-friend type of mom who would get involved or help me in my endeavor. I think it would be horrible for an adoptee to want to search out information on their bfamily and not have the support of their afamily, especially Mom and/or Dad (my aparents divorced when I was a toddler, so dad's feelings weren't a concern since I never knew him anyway.) My amom, bless her heart, did A LOT of things very, very wrong as the parent of 3 adopted children, but what she did right was to never treat us, or make us feel, as though we were anything different than her own flesh and blood. I feel very fortunate for that. As an aside, my search for my bmom began in 1982 when I was 19, and only very recently culminated in finding out that she died in 2002. The reason that it took so long is that even though I had all the "normal" curiosities of an adoptee, there was always a part of me that wasn't sure if I really wanted to meet her, and I let all the "what ifs" stand in my way. The good news is that once I discovered she was no longer living, I was able to make contact with my older bbrother and my younger bsister. They have been AMAZINGLY welcoming, kind, supportive and helpful to communicate with me and share info about and pictures of our mother, and to welcome me into their lives. Inga, I think you are off to a GREAT start as an amom!!! Already being concerned about her future concerns as an adoptee, and wanting what's best for the little blessing you've been given, speaks volumes about the kind of person you are. I'd say she is one very fortunate little girl! Robin

I'm a 33 year old mother of a beautiful 9 year old daughter and I am also an adoptee. The best thing my parents...and when I say parents I mean my aparents...did for me was tell me right from the beginning that I was adopted. I dont ever remember a time in my life that I didnt know I was adopted. I was never made to feel any different because of it either. I went to the same school all though-out and most of the kids that I went to school with didn't even realize I was adopted until about 7th grade when I happened to announce it during class because I was asked what my heritage was. Noone even guessed that the loving mother that also happened to be a teacher at that same school was not my real mother. I have 2 older brothers that were also adopted and my eldest brother is the only one that ever wanted to look for his real parents. I was too young at the time to remember just why it was that he wanted to look for them but I honestly believe it was because he was angry with my parents at the time and not any real desire to get to know his bparents. Anyway...Im rambling....the best thing I think that aparents can do is tell your achild as soon as possible that they have been adopted and reasure that child that they are loved unconditionaly...no matter what. Don't hide anything you might know...if you don't know anything about the bparents then be honest and tell the child that. Thats what mine did for me. I have never had any desire to find my bparents..not until I had my own child that is. Now my goal is to find my bparents only and I mean only to find out 2 things...my heritage and if I should worry about any inherited diseases. My amom died when I was 17 and my adad died when I was 26 and I dont have any desire to try and replace them with bparents that have never been there for me or had any desire to try to be. Ive had a wonderful life and am not going to muddle it up trying to get to know a person or persons that I really dont care anything about. That might sound synical and bitter to some people but its really not. If you as an adoptee were given the love and support growing up as I was given you would feel the same way to. I hope all out there manage to find what they are looking for in this life, but I hope you all dont lose sight of whats in front of you either. I have found it best to live in the now and not in the past. Adopting parents out there....give your adopted child unconditional love and support and as much knowledge as they ask for and you cant go wrong. Thank you for letting me share my story. Good luck to you all!!!

Hi: My parents did everything right as far as I'm concerned. They told me from the very beginning I was adopted, they answered any question I had, loved me unconditionally, and when I wanted to look for my biological parents, they never were jealous or refused to help me. Lastly, they never spoke ill of my biological parents. Your child will have her feelings without you adding your feelings. Jesse

To stay positive and to answer your question, in my case, what my aparents did right was to let me know at an early age I was adopted.

I have always known my aparnets told my abrother we were picked that they had picked us I'm in my 50's so back then it wasn't talked about alot I knew I had been born in ks and adopted out of mo.

My parents instilled in me a belief that I could do anything my heart desired. They loved me deeply and supported me in everything I undertook. They provided an excellent education. These are things I will always be grateful for and I love them very much.I knew from about the age of 3 or so that I was adopted. When I was a child I was very proud of my adopted status. I thought it made me more special than my peers. As an adult I wish, however, that I had been given the opportunity to realistically examine my hidden feelings about being adopted.

I was raised knowing I was adopted and knowing that adoption was a blessing. My birthparents were the answer to my mom and dads prayer for having a child. My mom also kept all of my adoption paper work and jotted down what she could remember about my birthparents. I started searching for them in June of this year and my parents supported my decision to search and even helped me. Most of all my parents loved me, they were always there and for all of this I am extremely greatfull. There is a poem that is in my journal, second entry, that explains what adoption is to me and my family. God bless! Aura

My parents told my sister and I early in life about our adoptions. They did not hide it, but also did not talk about it. They just helped us to realize that our family was important and that we were connected to one another. Found birthmother in 1989I have three half-brothers and half-sister, all younger

I am happy for you that you loved your adoptive parents, but you might want to consider being less judgmental about your birth parents. Chances are that you'll find they relinquished you out of love and that they've never forgotten you for a moment. You might even find out they're nice people you would enjoy getting to know. At least think about it. Who doesn't need more love in their lives?