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We've come to realize, it's about time to have a birds and bees lecture with our 7 year old. Anyone had experience giving "the talk" to their foster kids? My fs has a suspected history of sexual abuse, which is an added factor. What we do know is that he's aware sex is something boys do with their girlfriends but was not aware that it was how women had babies. (This discussion happened very close to bedtime and I decided to table it until I'd spoken with my husband and we had more time to have a discussion)
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in our state we are required to give age appropriate HIV education information to foster kids, which usually includes saying to to touch other people's blood..... so it is probably helpful to talk about it a lot and be open and stay calm as that is what he needs as he grows old...someone he can ask anything
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Oh my I was just telling my husband last night that I think we need to have a "talk" to our 8 yr. old adoptive son. He, for the past few weeks have been asking questions about sex and different things. This all started when we bought him a childrens bible and the word virgin came up ( the story of virgin Mary). The definition explained it and he already knew the word-sex- so we had to have a small talk about the birds and the bees, but not to the extent yet that he knows everything. We answered only HIS questions and no more. That seemed to satisfy him for now, that is until he starts asking more. 8 just seems so young but then again it seems as though kids grow up faster now days then before.
For any Christian parents who want to emphasize the importance and beauty of our sexuality to children on top of your discussion about the clinical side of things, the books The Princess and the Kiss and The Squire and the Scroll by Jennie Bishop come highly recommended. PM me if you would like to know where I've found the best price (around half of what most charge!) As for your own spiritual growth in this area, I recommend The Good News About Sex and Marriage. Pure Love I hear is great for teens. And another one I hear a lot of praise about is Questions Kids Ask About Sex: Honest Answers for Every Age.
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The one we wound up using was called "It's So Amazing!" It was a good book, it had cartoons and discussed things on a general level... may be too advanced for the 6 year old but the 9 year old would probably love it. We had one by the author of the Arthur series that was too general for Austin's purposes. Also "A Very Touching Book" is a good one on sexual abuse prevention. All of these are available at online bookstores.
It's So Amazing!" It also talks about adoption and my kids really liked it when they were little... If you have kids who have been sexually abused that book isn't going to be over their head... Most important thing is to be open and honest with them and get the point across that they can talk to you about anything.....and that the people who hurt them that way were very wrong to do that and that that was just about the worst thing someone could do to a little kid... We also have a NO NOT Telling rule....that no one should ask you never to tell something....
I just had to stop by and say this: any parent - adopted, foster, or birth - who asks what to say, how to explain, etc is a good parent overall, imo. It demonstrates concern, awareness of your child as a person, and a willingness to go out of your way to do what you hope is right. The extent of my birds and bees talk was my mother telling me about periods. :rolleyes: Warmly, heartbeat
I'm still waiting for 'the talk' from my mother! I think that answering questions openly, honestly and age appropriately is the best way. I'm not sure I would elaborate too much just yet. Although my son is only going on 6 and I'm still laughing at the fact that he calls his testicle - KNUCKLES! Really threw my niece off when she asked how T-Ball practice was and he said he got hit it the knuckles - she was so confused, she couldn't figure out how he got hit in the knuckles if he had a mitt on!
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I got the book "What's Going on Down There" for my 11 yo fs. He seems to like it. I'm a single mom and I ask him if he has questions; he says no. He was sexually abused and has 2 therapists; one of them talk to him about sex. I'll have to get a couple of books and have my own talk. heartbeat: my mother never told me about periods. I learned that in school. and the next year, I had to tell my sister (who was out when they did it in school). The talk with my mother consisted of: Don't have sex until you're married. (I was 16).You can have sex if you're engaged (this is the next day)
[font=Arial]Millie, I didn't say this in my earlier post. Yes, mom told me about periods, but when I didn't have one and didn't have one and time passed and I was 15 and 16 and then 17 she still hadn't said anything, didn't suggest I go to a doctor. At 17 I married against their wishes. I went to a doctor within a few months because I wanted to have children. He told me I was missing a uterus and I wouldn't be having children. **kaboom** There went my world. There I was sitting in his office and after he got done with his phone call making plans to go sailing that weekend, he assured me that it wasn't a big deal, like being born without a pinkie. I was only 17. If it happened today he'd be lucky if I didn't leave him with a throbbing groin - or should I say, his equivalent of a 'pinkie'. That wasn't the only absence, either.[/font] [font=Arial]Then I found out that during my physical when I was in reform school at 15, the doctor suspected what my condition was and told my folks, but no one told me. When I asked, mom said that the doctor wasn't sure and "we didn't see a need to upset you." I know they weren't hurting me on purpose, but how on earth can a supposedly sane person keep information like that from the one person who most deserves and has a right to know?? That was 32 years ago and I suspect I'm still angry. I pretty much shut down emotionally regarding the whole issue. [/font] [font=Arial]heartbeat[/font]
The series we used was "God's Design for Sex" series. It came in three dfferent books, all age approprate. Being Christians, it was important to use to use Biblically based ideas for handling it. I so much wanted my children to have a more relaxed attitude about sexual things, because it's normal, natural, not dirty, and has a specific time and place. I think these books helped us with that. The take they have on it is, everyone brings a gift to a wedding, well God brought one too...
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