Transracial Adoptees

this is a huge worry of mine. i'd love to hear from adoptees who have experienced this, and what advice you would recommend for aparents? i wouldn't want to make race an issue, but i do not want to ignore the special challenges raising a child of a different race than ours that would present.

There's a great book called something like, "I'm Vanilla, You're Chocolate" which is the best 'researched based' book I've found. It'll tell you not to worry so much. Being a good parent covers a lot of things. Children don't understand race and even skin color the way we do....until 6 yrs for skin color, and then wayyy later for "race". They are much less handicapped than we are.My daughter is the most beautiful, funniest, smartest little girl in the world, and I love her more than anything - except our son - and that's the most important thing to her![url]www.adoptingemma.blogspot.com[/url]

I love that book! I recommend it all the time! I think that the best we can do is to love our babies and to teach them about how we're all different and expose them to as many different cultural experiences as possible. I know that she will ask more questioins as things progress in her life, but for now, she's stisfied with the fact that she came out of Miss L's belly, not Mommy's and that she is brown and Mommy and Daddy are pink. We also look for similarities, too. It's all about balance. BTW, I love your username!

I just wanted to point out that the issue of "acting white" or being assimiliated is not just a challenge for biracial or aa children who've been adopted into cc families, but also for aa and biracial youth raised in their bio families as well. Although I listened to the same music, lived in the same mostly-black neighborhood, watched BET, read Ebony/Jet, knew history, etc. I didn't fit in for lots of other reasons that might seem less important, but aren't. I was uncomfortable speaking "ebonics" because we didn't at home, I was uncomfortable being around other aa's because I was afraid of the violence I saw them causing in my neighborhood, and I had a different family dynamic going on than most of my aa peers. In my neighborhood, poor, single aa parents were the norm but my family (nuclear and extended) was intact and had $$ (my dad was one of those I-refuse-to-leave-my-family-home-when-the-ruffians-moved-in-types). We went on family vacations, spent summer weekends at a lake house, etc. It was more an issue, for me, of not being able to relate to their socio-economic backgrounds and social values than anything else. As a kid I never identified myself as a black child because I couldn't identify with the other aa's in my neighborhood and I thought if that's what black was (a group of behaviors my family looked down upon), then I wasn't it. Does that make sense? As a result, I had a very hard a time in making aa friends in junior high and high school (which I needed to do b/c my cc friends began to distance themselves from me). It was a painful experience to not fit where I was supposed to fit and not be accepted where I wanted to be accepted. I was the only aa in most of my classes all the way until college (even though my schools were well integrated) so I was truly isolated. That's one thing parents often overlook... classmates are a primary source of friendships and gifted and talented o advanced classes (even in diverse schools) are often not great ways to meet aa playmates.:rolleyes: My suggestion is to find ways for your child to meet and hang out with all different kinds of aa people. The diversity can't just be skin deep, it has to be a socioeconomically and ideologically diverse population of people so that he/she can see that there are lots of different and perfectly acceptable ways to be aa or aa/cc or whatever the child may be. Just my 2 cents.

I also wanted to point out that as an AA woman and an Early Childhood Educator, it has been documented that children DO, in fact, recognize skin color much sooner than we would think (it's been documented by age 3). This is a very important question that you are asking and I commend you for looking forward and becoming prepared. Asking the questions opens the door to educating yourself. While it will be difficult to be there for every hurt or disappointment that she may encounter (whether it be due to racial incidences or not), just being there for her and being her soft place to fall, so to speak, will speak volumes than being able to talk to her about actually having a "been there, done that" type of advice for her. Just be there to listen, explain things to her in a way that is appropriate for her level, and celebrate who she is. She more than likely will not encounter discrimination until she is school aged, but that doesn't mean that she won't pick up on subtle ques given off by others in her presence or "feel" that she is different in some way. Surround her with positive "brown" people, ensuring that she has people that she can identify with in some way (not simply their skin color). Playgroups that are very diverse (not just one or two children of color) will do more to help her develop a healthy self esteem and to ward off internalizing the usual stereotypes of AAs sensationalized in the media. And not simply celebrating her African roots, but other cultures and ethnicities as well to show her that we are all more alike than we are unalike. She won't have to go too far to experience CC culture so exposing her to others will be important. Is her birthfamily a part of her life? If you have an open adoption then she would have numerous opportunities to see others who look like her. If not, then an extended group of friends and playmates will be best. I would say to just love her and be honest with her. If you really don't know something, then tell her so and find someone who can explain something to her (if it's a racial thing). She won't have the privilege that your skin color provides and you may not always be there to protect her, so the best thing would be to raise a strong young woman who is secure in who she is! You can do it.............you already love her so much and it is truly evident in the way you are trying to gain inisght into this early. Keep reading, studying and talking to others. Now go out there and make genuine friendships with lots of brown people! :D Just kidding!

As a matter of fact, I do have brown friends! And Bella's best friend is brown, too! "Aunt" Angela lives on our street and her DD is several few months younger than Bella, so it's a perfect friendship for Bella. She gets to be the "big sister" and I get to hang out with a good friend. Don't worry. . . nothing anyone says to me that is said in a genuine effort to help will be taken badly! HUGS!!! (((kllee4))) Sarah