Lifebook questions......

I'm not sure if I would include them. If you put the pics in there, your child will want to know about them. That's natural. But it sounds like it should be something that is saved for later when your children is an older teen perhaps. Just my opinion. Good luck on your lifebook!

I would say use them. I don't think it is a good idea to keep secrets about birthfamilies from your kids. As far as a mug shot, you child won't even understand that concept for years. I too am struggling with how to explain cocaine abuse and incarceration to a 3 and 4 year old. But, I plan to. I say...include the picture. If I were your child, I would rather have a mug shot of my birthparents than no picture at all.

I agree - Include them. The only pictures we have of our boys birth father is from prison. They are 10 and 9 and havent really figured out that the pictures are from prison, however they do know that their birthdad is in prison now. Most research and experts say that kids should be told EVERYTHING before the teen years/puberty hit in an age appropriate manner. When our kids were younger we used simple phrasing like "Made wrong choices and had a big consequence" (which was similiar phrasing to what we used in our daily lives for choices etc). As the kids got older, we have brought the issues up and allowed them to ask questions. We dont expect them to initiate the conversations (although they do at times) but respect their lead if they dont seem comfortable discussion something at a particular time. Jen

Florobin, I would not use the pictures or mention that her parents are drug users and in jail in the lifebook. I would tell her about he situation. I always do the what if it were me. I would not want that in my life book as a child. Cathy

absoutly use the pictures....children do not understand 'mug shots', the lifebook is not a memory book. the life book is for the child to know about their lives and this will include any photos that you have. as for the substance abuse stuff...yes, put that in also, but of course the wording would have to fit the age.. a good book to get is 'beth omalleys lifebook' it helps with wording that is age appropriate......remember, you are making a lifebook for your child, its a story of her life from when she was born, until she was placed with you (the fun part of the book) include birthcetificate if you have it...her home address if you have it, or all the foster homes she might have been in and their names.... every fact you have for them, up to the time they were placed. but word it age appropriate of course. lifebooks and memory books are two different things...

I am currently working on our childrens' lifebooks. We had to include a section on their birthmother's drug abuse. Here is what I wrote. I used a lot of wording from a book I got on Amazon about Lifebooks, but I adapted it to our situation. "After children are born, they either live with their birthparents, or move in with another family or into an orphanage. There are many reasons why children dont stay with their first mother and father. All the reasons have to do with the parents, not the kids. Little babies canҒt do anything wrong. How can they? They are just little tiny babies! After you were born, Ill bet that your birthmother, ******, was very happy to have given birth to such a beautiful, baby girl. But it sounds like she was also sad and confused. I think your birthmother was worried because she had some big problems. One of her problems was that she used a drug called cocaine. Some drugs, like penicillin, are prescribed by doctors, to make people better when they are sick. Other drugs, like cocaine, are not okay for mommies to use when they have little babies. Some people use drugs like cocaine to make them feel better and forget about their problems. But, later on those drugs make them feel even worse." I'm still trying to work on how I will write about the fact that our son's birthfather was incarcerated, especially since I know nothing about the length of time. The only thing I may not include is that apparently our son's birthfather abused two of our son's older brothers. I don't know if that is a pertinent detail to my son. Who knows. Anyway...just remember...a lifebook is NOT a scrapbook. Scrapbooks are filled with warm memories and happy pictures of happy people. A lifebook is a truthful story about your children's lives. You don't want to spring sensitive issues like that on a teenager. Much better to introduce it young so that it is always there.

physical abuse: "grown-ups are suppose to keep kids safe, not hurt them. Adults and kids are suppose to use their words, not their hands when they get mad. grownups are bigger then children, and it wasnt fair to your brothers when your bfather and birthmother got mad at them, because kids are suppose to make mistakes and its the adults job to teach them new ways" i think you should put it in, his brothers are apart of his life also. incarceration: "your mommy and daddy had some big problems because they were using some bad drugs... and when people do bad drugs, they would dumb things. Sometimes when people use bad drugs, they have to go to jail. Its very sad when someone has to be in jail, because they dont have any freedom to go outside and have fun. but none of this is your fault, its just that your birth mommy and birth daddy had so many problems."

dadfor2 - thanks for the wording! That totally helps! My biggest hurdle to finishing the lifebook is getting about 8 pictures of their previous foster homes, homes and the hospitals they were born in. I have the addresses for them and they're all in a 30 mile radius...not in the greatest of neighborhoods...but I don't care!