Grief and loss

Hi Susan, My son's first diagnosis (after the inappropirate ODD) was an intense grief reaction. Early on I had heard Art speak on family life stages in adoption and he talked a lot about grief. Finially there was a light at the end of this dark tunnel we were trapped in. All of my son's extreme behaviors could have been explained by grief. As it turns out, the behavior continued into what we now know was RAD. But my son continued to struggle greatly with anything that represented loss. He had extremely dramatic reactions to movies. He would sob hysterically at the traditional Disney themes of loss. He struggled and grieved the loss of every quasi attachment figure. Now that he has resolved the attachement issues, this type of grief no longer seems to have it's hold on him. But he has entered into a new life stage, which for an adopted child brings with it another stage of grief to resolve. My son has started to grieve the mother that he never knew. Around his 9th birthday, he showed signs of mild depression (tired, lack of appetite, wanted to just lay on sofa with a blanket over him - but would readily engage in an activity at my suggestion). He majorly denied that Svetlana meant anything to him and absolutely would not discuss it. He remained stable behaviorally and it lasted less than a few weeks. Around mothers day he again showed signs of depression, but was now ready to admit that Svetlana was important and was willing to talk about her. He earned money to put in a church envelope for a spiritual bouquet in her honor on mothers day. They hand out carnations to the women of our church that Sunday, and he got 6, and that he put into a vase for Svetlana. He made sure that both my vase of flowers and hers had the same amount. He picked prominent places for both vases. This time his bout of depression was again mild, and only lasted for a few days. I am truly amazed at the power of grief and how overwhelming it can be. For my son, having a secure attachment, makes all the difference in the world in regards to handling his grief. DimasMom

I also experienced the same painful experience. I cannot give birth to a child so we, my husband and I decided to adopt one, a baby girl. We were very happy together and we raised her very well. But the most tragic and most painful day came into our lives. While she was playing with her bike with her nanny outside the house, she was accidentally hit by a fast running motorcycle. That day our life changed and stopped. I didn't even notice who made the [URL="http://www.fulhamfunerals.com.au/"]funeral planning[/URL]. And now 5 years had past, she must been very big now and is studying already. She was my life and just a snap, she's gone.