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For whatever reason my son and I have 'bonded' easier or quicker than he has with my his bMom (my wife). I have always suspected that she was jealous of the relationship is some ways, but this Father's Day was OVER THE TOP!
I got a "Happy Father's Day" instant message on my cell phone. That is the level of communication both parties can seem to 'stomach' right now -- baby steps! My wife cried for over 2 hours because she did not get a "Happy Mother's Day" or "Happy Birth Mother's Day" message of any kind from him. He is only 18 and just finishing High School. . .so I expect very little of his attention right now.
Why he chose to send me a message on Father's Day is a mystery. . . as are most things that 18 year-old boys do. It was only a quick message on a cell phone, no big deal, really!
I am unclear how to deal with my wife. I am soo frustrated because I don't understand why the crying for so long, for something so trivial! I tried to explain to her that since she was never an 18 yr old boy, she can not understand why/why not things happen. However, she is convinced that my son doesn't like her as much as he likes me. Also she believes I am 'covering' for him and his inability to relate to her.
I am lost and confused on what to do to help the woman I love.
Dave
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Dave,
Firstly I think it's great that you and your son have 'bonded' so well, that you had a 'Happy Father's Day' message from him. I have the opposite problem my son's birth father wont even acknowledge that my son is his let alone anything else so I love reading stories like yours.
I have a good relationship with my son which took time but we got there in the end although I'm further down the 'road' to you. Over Mother's Day I can understand how your wife felt as I didn't hear from my son that day (6th March in the UK) either. I hadn't expected to as he's not the sending cards type and his mother - adoptive I mean but don't like using the label for her - was the one who had the right to hear from him. What actually upset me was that my husband made an insensitive remark that my son wouldn't think of me that day. What saw me through the day was that on my birthday back in November I did receive a text from my son that read Happy birthday mummy which meant so much to me.
All you can do is be there for her - remember she went through pregnancy and labour to have him so it's natural for her to want that bond with him. My husband was very close to his mother so thinks my son who's 23 incidently is thoughtless towards me at times but it doesn't bother me. I was very insecure in our relationship in the early days but with time I have got to know him better so if I don't hear from him in a while it doesn't worry me now. Just reassure your wife that it does take time to build up a relationship and he is still young yet.
Philippa :)
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