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We have been fostering a baby since he was 6 months old. Last friday he went back to his parents. I am trying to find any information on his state of mind. He was very attached to us, & is very attatched to his parents through a long process of reunification. 1. Does anyone know through training, experince with babies etc. is he hurting as we are, or are we forgotten like leaving daycare etc.. not thought of until he sees us again. (Out of sight out of mind). 2. The state has said we can visit him in a month. We want to desperatly, but do not want to reopen any memeries. etc.. and then leave him again. Should we? Thanks for any help, we have had around 18 children in our home in 6 years.This is our first baby, so we were not prepared for this.
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It is great to see and be a part of his life. The only negative is, I seem to be living my life now in 4 month increments, anxiously awaiting the next visit. I guess thats better than the alternative. It seems to be like a scab, I just get over it again, and then it reopens when I see him. As long as he's ok, i'm ok.
As I'm reading all this, I'm crying because I feel for everyone that had to 'give them back'. It's so hard. We had a 4 month old placed with us and he stayed for 14 months. He went home in the fall of 05 and ever since then the parents have been SO gracious - they have allowed us to have him for a few hours every week. We have moved into the "extra grandparent" role in his life now. I know we have been blessed beyond measure by this unforseen turn of events and we do not take one minute of it for granted. The scary part is, at anytime mom and dad can put a stop to it, so I hold my breath everytime I talk to them. We still had to deal with the greiving that he wasn't in our home every day, and that was hard, even tho we have gotten to see him alot.
That is the route we have taken. We asked could we be his "grandparents," just another set to love him.I also walk on egg shells although we have really b/c friends and i would be really surprised if they did not allow us to see him again. (They are 11hours away so i guess we are not seen as a threat.) He left us June 17 of last year, today to be exact. In the long run, he is not my child, I was just blessed to keep him from 6 months to "toddlerhood." I thank God everyday for that privilidge.
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My experience... I had a foster son for 6 months (my 1st). We were extremely attached to each other. When he returned home in Aug 05 mom asked me to be his Godmom. I saw him frequently (about once a month) up until March 2006 (Easter weekend). When I dropped him home he was very upset at returning. I assured him that I would be back and even said, "don't I always come back". Well, after repeated attempts at calling, I have not received a call back. I suspect his crying when he returned was just too much on mom and dad. I can't say that I'm certain my seeing him is truly in his best interest. I just don't know. But, I miss him terribly and hate that I "didn't come back". I have to trust his parents judgement - prayerfully they will call me at some point.
After our first few visits I saw in our situation that it would be to upsetting for him to see us monthly or even bi-monthly until he got used to his new home. You stated this was your first. You got a hard one for the first time. my wife and I have fostered 18 boys over 6 years. I have let each one go back without any tears. Yes, I missed them, but they were toddlers, and for some reason I could handle it. Then came Tyler! Letting him go has been the hardest thing for me to do. I guess i'm saying it is not all like this one you lost. It gets easier amd better.
Our Prince Charming reunited with his bio-mom on 7/7. He had been in our home since Feb 17, when he was 11 months old, to the day he went home when he was 15-ish months old. We never had a good OR bad relationship with mom, only met her a few times. I included a letter with his belongings, letting her know that we would love to be a part of his life in whatever capacity IF AND WHEN SHE WAS READY FOR THAT. We were very attatched to him and he was equally attatched to us. I find myself wondering if he is hurting as much as we are...and praying he isn't although I imagine he is. So. Can I call mom and check on him? We have very poor relationship with his CW and I was "told" they get a new CW after reuniting anyways. Would CW have taken letter out of Prince Charming's things without mom ever having seen it? I don't know what to do, any advice would be greatly appreciated...even if it's NOT what I want to hear!
I see no reason why not with calling them, introducing yourself and just asking how he is doing. See how well you are recieved, they might ask if you want to see him. If reception is not warm, just tell them you enjoyed having him, and you just wanted to check on him, etc... About the letter, who knows? It could have been misplaced, or a spiteful person could have thrown it away. Thats pretty cold though, even for a spiteful person. The only negative would be if she called you in and stated it upset her, why are you calling etc..
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I posted the following earlier in this thread:[INDENT]I had a foster son for 6 months (my 1st). We were extremely attached to each other. When he returned home in Aug 05 mom asked me to be his Godmom. I saw him frequently (about once a month) up until March 2006 (Easter weekend). When I dropped him home he was very upset at returning. I assured him that I would be back and even said, "don't I always come back". Well, after repeated attempts at calling, I have not received a call back. I suspect his crying when he returned was just too much on mom and dad. I can't say that I'm certain my seeing him is truly in his best interest. I just don't know. But, I miss him terribly and hate that I "didn't come back". I have to trust his parents judgement - prayerfully they will call me at some point.[/INDENT]Well my FS's family contacted me so that I could see him. Apparently he had been asking for me "all the time". He visited with me for the we. So, you never know...sometimes you do see the children again.
He cried during the drive back home but stopped once we got to the house. I haven't talked to the parents since he returned (only briefly during drop off). It's so strange to see how his behaviors have changed since leaving my home. Not saying they are bad behaviors just different from what I saw when he was with me. We all have different parenting syles...that was obvious as he had some trouble following the rules he knew so well when he was with me... It was great seeing him and I expect I will continue to...
Got to see him again. He has been back with bio dad for 1 year and 4 months. Their relationship is growing stronger each time we visit. Also, he now calls me by my first name, not the pet name he used to, which tears me up, but I am glad that day arrived. I can honestly say he ok. I see no problems. He is a normal happy little boy. I really only have one complaint about his bio. T. has them totally wrapped around his finger! He is spoiled worse than when we had him!:) I thank God for the change that has occured in this situation.
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T. is almost 6 years old and is starting first grade this year. We still see him about 3 times a year. He lives to far away to see him more often. He has bonded fully with parents and shows no long term effects from the seperation from us. He calls us about once a week and talks about thomas the tank engine etc...I have been praying for the day he would realize who we are, who his parents are and where we all fit in his life. That day happened a month ago. I was sitting at a church getting all his stuff organized to go home after a long car ride to his house, when I over heard him tell his parents on the phone he was close to home and and would be there soon if I would HURRY UP!:clap: :clap: No crying or begging to stay with us etc, as it has been in the past.
