1st b-day celebration

For Michael's first birthday, we had a party with around 35-40 people. We invited both birthparents and their families to the big party as well as told them we would be glad to have a private celebration if they are uncomfortable with the large one. We were willing to have them pick the date and time to get together. There were some hard feelings when the birthmother wanted to bring her boyfriend to the party and the birthfather's family refused to come if she did. It ended up being a non issue when she broke up with him before the party. She had a new job and could not get the day off, but came afterward. It was a wonderful chaotic day. Lots of pictures, video, giggles, and a face full of cake. The birthparents put him to bed and I turned off the monitor so they could talk to him and tell him things they needed him to know. He was a little overtired and cranky, but finally went to sleep. Good luck with planning your special day. Peggy

We spent our babe's first birthday with both sides of babe's birthfamilies. We visited, had cake, opened presents. It felt important to spend the day with the same persons we were with exactly a year earlier when babe came into the world. A few days later we had a large party in our town and did invite babe's birthparents and their moms. Babe's birthmother and her mom had already met many of the other party goers at a "welcome party" we held for babe, but it was the first time that the birthfather and his mom had met anyone. All in all it went well. I had some concerns that they would feel uncomfortable, but I gave little thought to how our immediate family and friends felt about them being there. I knew they would be polite at the least, and knew many would be themselves and be welcoming. If there had been anyone who concerned us, I supposed we would have talked with them before hand about making babe's birthfamilies feel welcome. A large gathering babe's brithparents didn't "stand out" and were not so much "on the spot" if that makes sense, and were just part of a larger crowd. One thing however, a large gathering gives them (and you!) very little one on one time with your child. I spent most of the day hostessing rather than playing on the grass. Because we had already spent babe's birthday with birthfamily, and they had time to play with babe in a low key way, I was not focused on making sure they had time to be with babe at the big party- but I also realized after the fact that I paid nearly zero attention to my need to spend time with babe, both on the day of babe's birthday and at the big party. I look back on pictures from the day and there are very few of myself with babe. So I would suggest no matter who you invite, if it's a big party, make sure you set aside time for you and your husband to wish your child a happy birthday. And if you decide to invite them, you might also consider asking your child's birthparents to come a little early so they can meet your parents and have a little one on one time with the baby. Sorry this is so long, one more thing I promise. The only way your friends and family are going to begin to get past their reservations is to start to relate to your child's birthparents as real people, not just as an idea. Enjoy the day, and happy birthday to your little one.

We considered inviting DS's bmom to his party, but ended up not doing it for two reasons: we didn't want to be worrying about "T"'s comfort during the party (is she OK? is anyone talking to her? etc) and we were concerned that the day might be too much emotionally for her, but she'd show up anyway to be nice. So, we had a separate day for her and her mom, where they didn't have to share DS with any other guests and she was more comfortable (she told us later that his birthday was a very hard day for her). I don't think you can go wrong either way, as long as both you AND bparents are comfortable with it.

We had a huge party for our daughter at our house with family and friends and then the next day we met at bmother's favorite resturant for lunch with her and her entire family. This was the first time we had seen the extended family since we left the hospital so we thought a resturant would be the best place, we didn't want the family to over power or be overly eager with baby and upset her. We did gifts and the whole cake mess thing and made lots of pictures too. Since we had already visited with bmother once the week before she was okay sharing with the rest of her family. Our bfather is in another state and does not want to be found that is why he was not included in the get together. Just be sure you don't get so involved that you forget to have fun too. Good luck

Thank you so much for all of your b-day stories. It is so helpful to hear how other families are working things. It can feel pretty lonely sometimes as we navigate these relationships. Our friends and familiy, try as they might, just can't fully wrap their brains around it. I so appreciate this forum to have a basis for comparison and others to share in this journey. We plan to have two celebrations now which I think it is the best and most comfortalbe situation for everyone. I hope some of our extended family can meet the birthfamily. We'll play it by ear. Thanks again! MJ

Our birth family did not want to be there for our daughters first birthday but they sent her presents and enjoyed the pictures we sent them. I think that it was still so painful for them that soon. I think birthmom is just getting on with her life now and can more easily accept this five years later :)NicoleProud Adoptive Mom To Faith (5)

You got banned from this post????? :confused:

Dear MJ, I am sure it is long past your child's birthday, but I did want you to know we invited the birth family to our daughter's first birthday party. The biomommy and maternal biograndparents were present. A grand time was had by all. The biodaddy could not come because he is stationed in Florida. Cathy