How does an adopted mother annual the adoption of her adopted daughted

I don't think you can do this. She might be able to be adopted by someone else in an adult adoption but I think that has to come from her end and not yours. Of course now that she is an adult and married it isn't as if you are liable for anything she does. You can end the relationship without taking the step of canceling the adoption in case things get better in the future.

First, adoption is forever, just like giving birth. You cant pick and choose who your kids are and you certainly canҒt just walk away because theyve done something you donҒt like. Having said that, I will reiterate what Missy said, if adult adoption is legal in your state, your daughter can petition the courts to request an adult adoption, provided she has someone who is willing to adopt her. Adoption is not something to take lightly, like I said above, adoption is forever and you simply cant walk out on a child like you can walk out on a marriage, even if that child is an adult. I dont know the circumstances surrounding the adoption or your relationship, but if youҒre posting something like this on a public board, it sounds like you dont have many feelings for your daughter҅so I hope she can find someone to initiate an adult adoption. A child (even as an adult) deserves to have parents and people around her who love her unconditionally, not people willing to walk out on her.

Wow, I'm with the others here - I can't imagine what the circumstances could be to have you consider such a drastic action. If this situation is indeed genuine, I feel very badly for all involved.

Not wanting to be her mother, that is sad. I know families have differences, sometimes they are irreconciable. I know because I have no contact with my father and have no desire to do so. This has caused me much pain in my life. I am still working on letting go of the anger and hate I feel toward him. He has done so many unforgivable things to me and my family but I am working on releasing these bitter feelings and resentment I feel toward him.I don't know what has happened between you and your daughter but I would be devastated if my mother up and walked away from me whether we were on speaking terms or not. A mothers love is unconditional...I hope you and your daughter can resolve your differences and be a family again so you both no longer need to feel your current pain.God bless,Robin

Sq, Don't mean to push, but what do you have to loose if it has come to what you say, Maybe if you give more information there is someone who can offer help or suggestions, At this point many of us feel a little defensive. It is like Brandy mentioned. Many of us feel as she does. Andi

Nope, can't unadopt your children. Even if it was a step-parent adoption and you get divorced- it's still your kid!! Can't undo it.

I wish I could annul an adoption. Many posters say that is sad, so I list my reasons here. I have 3 adopted children, one of whom was an adopted stepchild and two thru foster care. Well after the fact of the first adoption I found out that the reasons stated in requesting that I adopt this stepchild were false. This child, that is now an adult (he was 17 at the time of adoption), has never shown or followed thru on any effort to act as a son. In addition, this person has turned out to be generally useless and a negative impact on society. In retrospect, I wish I could truthfully say that this person is not my son and never has been. Since that time the younger chidren (now 11 and 14) were adopted. I will not ever abandon these two no what what the circumstances. They were adopted by choice when they were less than 5 years old. I want only to protect and provide for my younger children. In particular, I want to ensure that I provide for their financial well being in the event that I die. I do not hate or wish to hurt the stepchild, but I need to ensure that my minor children are protected. If the end result is hurtful to the step child, that is an unfortunate consequence to his own actions and is not my problem. As an alternative I have carefully prepared wills and trust vehicles where this step child is specifically disowned and disinherited.

Regardless.. how are your children being harmed by this? The son is now married- and a grown adult. You have already taken care of wills, finances, etc.. I dont understand how its detrimental other than you stated- He has never attempted to act like a son. Well shoot.. I know biological families who are like that. Do we disown them? Hardly.. We love our kids til it hurts.. and boy it hurts sometimes. I doubt that you can contest anything at this point, no matter what the circumstances were 5 years ago. Never give up hope.. many have overcome so much in their lives, many on these boards who can attest to that in their own personal lives matter of fact. Dont let hate for his misgivings drive your judgement, more reason to love him all the more and continue giving him the family that he needs. We all deserve to be loved no matter how much anyone hates us.

First, please note my earlier remark. Prior to this adoption the reasons stated for the adoption (wanting a father figure, respect, etc.) were false. Well after the fact I found, and documented, that the purpose of the request was financially based. I found a letter from the kid to his natural father that he felt the best way to pay for his college was to be adopted even though "I really want you for my dad always and will never consider him (meaning me) to be anything more than a way to get thru college." As for how is he hurting me or my younger children at this time, he is not. My concern is what this person would do if I should die. Based on the mercenary approach already documented, I do not want this extermely unethical person taking the resources my real children need and deserve. This adoption was founded on lies, not on love, emotional need or respect. As I said in the first posting, I don't hate this person or wish to see them hurting, but I absolutely choose to care for my children. If if is hurt that is nothing more than a consequence of HIS actions and is not my problem.

Hi CADad,Your situation is very difficult to even read about, so I can not imagine having to live it. I am sorry that you were betrayed into adopting your stepchild, at least it seems that is how you are feeling. I can understand now why you used the term annulment of this adoption, sort of like when you are married under false pretenses you can have it annulled. (Not sure if I spelled it right?) I am not sure how it works with adoption. And I do agree with the other posters that it is very sad your situation has come to this. Though I am sorry for you, that you were betrayed this way. And I know that unfortunately, no matter how many people adopt stepchildren happily and under no false pretenses, there may be a small amount of people who are taken advantage of for one reason or another (i.e. college fund) and for that I am so sorry, and it does make me very upset that this even happened. Do you have any recourse against your stepson's natural parent, it seems they are really the person who betrayed you, not him. He was still a minor when you adopted him, and if his natural parents' intention was deceitful, than it seems that they should be held responsible, not him. Also, I am wondering, may it have been possible that what he wrote to his natural father was his way of trying to convince his natural father to love him? Since he was adopted by you, maybe he had concerns, even if you hadn't adopted him, that his natural dad didn't love him? So that maybe that's where some of his hurtful words are coming from? Maybe not. I am so sorry to hear about this. It is frightening for a potential adoptive parent to read about this stuff. And at the same time, I think it is so important to learn as much as possible to become educated. I'm just so sorry.

Wow..this post made me very sad. IMHO I hope there isn't a way to annul an adoption. As an adoptee I would hate to think that my parents could "divorce" me. I hope all works out for you sqdance. I know I was pretty rotten when I was younger, ok, not "pretty" rotten I WAS rotten. Now at the age of 36 my mother is my best friend. I only pray and hope for that for you and your daughter. pharm

I agree, I went through some tough years (of my own doing) with my mom, too. Good luck.

To Awaiting Beloved, and anyone else in the same frame of mind. Thank you for your remarks and understanding. At the same time though it is very important to note that while I have one adoption that is bad, I have two other adoptions that have been all anyone can ask for. My 14 year old son and 11 year old daughter are wonderful children and I love them both very much. no matter what the future may hold for them, I will always love them and always protect them. I would not want anyone considering adoption to be put off because I've posted information about the one bad. Life as we know is not perfect. There are very many worthy lovable children out there that would like nothing more than a place to call home and someone to call daddy or mommy. I for one light up big time when my kids call me just to say hi or tell how their day is going.

I think your posting actually might be good for a parent considering placing a child or a potential adoptive parent to see. So much of what parents who are considering placing a child hear makes adoptive parents sound like perfect super human beings and that adoption guarantees a happy family. It is important to understand that adoptive parents are imperfect like any other parents. Both adoptive and birth parents need to be aware of both the positive and negative aspects of adoption. Not saying that you are a bad parent, just that placing a child for adoption does not insure a happy family life will always be the result. I do feel sad for both of you - I imagine you did not reach this decision lightly.

CADad, I applaud you for having the guts to state your unpopular opinion. I, too, have a stepdaughter who I considered adopting, but after reading your post, I am thankful I did not. I can understand your feeling like the adoption circumstances were fraudulent. I also understand wanting to protect the other two children financially. I can also understand loving a child forever but not necessarily feeling responsible for a child forever. Respect and love go two ways once the child reaches adulthood. I would never want to abandon one of my children but if they were threatening my life or the lives of my other children, I would have to make that difficult choice.