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Like many adoptive parents here, my journey to adoption, (certainly not through it) is over. I have been blessed to become a mother two times and will NOT be doing it again. So now, I am interested in finding others with similar experiences (like many on this board do). While the issues as a family will change dramatically through the years, right now, our challenge is finding peers for our daughter. She wants 10 year olds (or adults) for friends; while she has two much older friends, most 10 year olds are not interested in playing with a 3 year old. She gets her feelings hurt very easily. What has separated her from others is not being adopted, or being AA with one white parent and one Asian parent, but having a brain that is "wired" differently than most of the population. We met a lovely girl with whom my dd discussed the human body and insects; we then saw her in the community when she was with her school. My daughter tried to talk to her, and she turned her head and said she could not talk now. (wanted to put on a different face for her peers, which I understand.) She later came over and chatted. My husband and I were saddened by S's overwhelming disappointment.
I feel like she already gets disappointed and anxious about making new friends, though she is extremly charming and sociable. How do I help her muddle through this? Will some of you (I know you are there :D ) share your experiences with the added adult perspective.
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[font=Comic Sans MS]Redhedded~[/font][font=Comic Sans MS]I think we need to 'chat';) ...see my post earlier today in Russia Forums about my daughter showing signs of 'high intelligence' and thinking 'different.' Most people learn by going from A to B to C to D....not my little girl who turns 4 tomorrow. She goes from A to D. Remembers everything...including things she shouldn't...meaning we went to the airport when she was 25 months old and when we went back a couple weeks ago...she detailed the previous trip...from 23 months prior. [/font][font=Comic Sans MS][/font] [font=Comic Sans MS]Anyway, she is in with older kids in her pre-K...per my request...even though she is the youngest in the class...they start on Monday...we'll see what happens. We will take a wait and see attitude with 'regular' school...I honestly hope this is a phase...but highly doubt it. [/font][font=Comic Sans MS][/font] [font=Comic Sans MS]We had to move to the older preschool class because the kids bothered her....she is also a type A and a leader by nature. She relates better to the teachers than the other students...and the other kids look at her almost like another adult. [/font][font=Comic Sans MS][/font] [font=Comic Sans MS]She makes friends OK right now, but adjusts herself to 'their' level. She prefers older kids...about 3 to 5 years older... She will also captivate most adults thru her conversations and her animation. [/font][font=Comic Sans MS][/font] [font=Comic Sans MS]I don't have any suggestions...but would love to hear what others have to say. I really don't consider her 'gifted' as of yet...just too smart for her age. :rolleyes: [/font][font=Comic Sans MS][/font] [font=Comic Sans MS]Karen[/font]
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Hey Red!!! Though I don't know if I would classify my son as "gifted", he is extremely bright and loves chatting with adults. He loves dramatic play and most of his friends are really not into it as much as he is. For example, he wants to be a character, like Buzz Lightyear and he wants his friend to be "Woody". At 3, most of his friends don't get it or don't want to. So he comes home from preschool disappointed and says, "Baylor doesn't want to be Woody, Mom." And when I offer to be Woody, he says, "No. Mom. You're a GIRL!!" He loves to "play act" and he assigns roles to me and my DH. His friends, however, aren't as eager to participate!!! One thing about Stephen though, is he is very social and although he can get frustrated, he has lots of friends at preschool. We are lucky to be able to send him to a school where the kids are generally above-average intelligence so that helps.
I know from some of your other posts that your daughter is extremely gifted and amazing!! I would encourage preschool if you can find a good one in your area. It has really been wonderful for Stephen in the area of social skills and you meet other great moms and can set up playdates outside of school with her friends. I am even a Room Rep for his class this year (pathetic, huh?!) Good luck to you!!!
Mitzi, I love that; you cannot be Woody because you are a girl! My dd also loves imaginary play, has for a long time, and my mom is the one who does it with her (for hours); neither of them seem to ever break character. Sometimes I am in the other room listening thinking to myself, this is crazy.
You know, S started school this summer; she did great but several of the way older kids ( with whom she tried to form relationships) picked on her, really picked on her, hitting her everyday. We had several meetings with the director and opted to take her out. She may try again in the fall at this school, or there is a new program in our area for gifted kids. First school discussed wanting to move her in with the older kids. We will see.
I am so glad that you have found a school that is appropriate for Stephen and that he loves! I do not think being a Room Rep is pathetic; in fact, I suspect I will be doing the same in a few months.
Has the waiting to be "matched" again and the failed matches been hard for Stephen, because he understands what is potentially happening then it doesn't. Hell, it is sometimes hard for us, as adults, with our knowledge and processing skills to cope with. I just wondered how it has been. Take care and stay around here. Please. . .
K, Well, I have read (and the meeting we attended affirmed,) that the goal is to identify G kids at 4 or 5, around kindergarten; HG kids are usually often identified by two. Though in all cases, the parents knew their kids were slightly or really really different than their peers very very early. (It was impossible for us to deny any longer; dd knew almost 200 words at 10-11 months, spoke complete sentences 12-13 months, recognized icons at 12 months, knew dozens of songs and knew very specific directions (to and from), knew alphabet in French and English by 16-18 months.) One parent had a child who was incredibly verbally advanced like my own daughter; another parent has a child who was working advanced math by 14 months but was not verbally advanced. I am going to post another article about gifted kids and verbal abilities. (I think it is okay to post) Read it. Did you get any information about your dd when you arrived? Was she speaking Russian? Do you speak Russian? I just wondered if you plan to continue the opportunity for her to do so? Anyway, I am glad you are here. There are a few adults here who have been there. I hope that they will share their wisdom!
Oh yeah, and I know all about "spirited!"
[font=Comic Sans MS]Red~[/font][font=Comic Sans MS]Please post the articles if you can...she is very verbal...I honestly can't remember her ever not speaking like an adult...a well educated adult.... If you close your eyes and listen to her, you 'forget' she is only 3....[/font][font=Comic Sans MS][/font] [font=Comic Sans MS]We did not keep the language skills she had...:( ...as we do not speak Russian. But she is learning Spanish...she began understanding English, honestly, within a day of our speaking to her. She spoke her first English words a few days later....she has never really had 'baby' talk...she ennunciates (oh I can't spell) ...very clearly...all this at 11.5 months. It continues to this day...it is actually scary to me to think how advanced she would have been had she heard English her 1st 11 months... We do know he was developmentally advanced...she was doing the pinchser grasp when we met her at 7.5 months...other milestones were early...all the more surprising based on her circumstances and lack of stimulation. [/font][font=Comic Sans MS][/font] [font=Comic Sans MS]Your daughter sounds a bit :rolleyes: (alot) more advanced than our daughter...it must be fun at your house. [/font][font=Comic Sans MS][/font] [font=Comic Sans MS]Mitzi~[/font][font=Comic Sans MS]Yep, that's our daughter too...she loves pretend play and has memorized just about every line from every Disney video she has...and expects me to know what I'm supposed to say...yay right...I don't even know what today is. ;) [/font][font=Comic Sans MS][/font] [font=Comic Sans MS]Guess I'd better start researching gifted more...we've been concentrating on highly intelligent because of the way she learns...and I believe the two are very different. Guess I'd better hang out over here more too...[/font][font=Comic Sans MS][/font] [font=Comic Sans MS]Thanks,[/font][font=Comic Sans MS]Karen[/font][font=Comic Sans MS][/font] [font=Comic Sans MS][/font]
K, I think the "highly intelligent" is the same as the "highly gifted," and the HG child is as different from the gifted child as the gifted child is from the "regular" child. (reference can be highly, exceptionally and profoundly) I posted the article under Identification. I think we will have to discuss tomorrow the lack of understanding that others have, the assumption that you are pressing, "teaching," pushing your child. Guiding the Gifted Child addresses this extensively, how others do not get it. How having a G child is no different than having a special needs child who
has very specialized attention needs, education needs, etc. You cannot just overlook it and pretend that there are no differences. People get real "funny" real quick.
As early as 18 months, my daughter would tell people her name, say that she was happy to meet them, ask their names and shake their hand; she would tell her age when they asked me. They thought she was lying and said so (she is tall) and they occasionally said some really stupid things to me after looking at me like I was a "stage" mom, like I could make her do that! They just really did/do not understand, because it is not their experience. I am happy that it is yours, so that you understand!
Moving on. . . Penton Overseas, they make lyric language tapes, songs about everyday events, like grocery shopping, going to the zoo, going to the beach, playing, etc. has a Russian tape, I think. My dd loved the French tape; still does. I am going to check and let you know. Maybe she would love to be exposed to her "first" language again. My dd is also learning French and Spanish.
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Red-I'm so glad to read this last post. Wait, that didn't come out like it sounded. Not that I'm glad people are being cruel, but NOBODY understands where we are at with our daughter. People DO get real funny real quick! DD started talking very early, identifying several objects by word (mama, dada, bottle, cup, milk, water, juice, food, etc.) at 9 months, fully talking by 11 or 12 months, talking in complete (7 & 8 words) sentences at 15 months, now learning to read at 2. The only thing she didn't do 'early' was walk, everything else came a bit early. My friends that see me getting early readers and learning materials for her roll their eyes and insinuate that I'm pushing her. I always feel that I have to go into this long spiel to explain that she is truly guiding this. Fun for her on our walks is to read license plates, or find any words and letters she can and identify them. I am totally letting her guide this, no pushing, etc. It's none of their business, but I can't help it. Her pediatrician suggested I get her involved in some activities to 1) get her involved with children her own age and learn to get along with them, and 2) to perhaps find some children with her talents/gifts that she can associate with so she doesn't feel so different. We went to our second class of Kindermusik last week because she adored the first class and by the middle of the class, she had become the center of attention. EVERYONE was asking how old she is, what are we doing (like how are we making her do this), I guess I better get working on MY child, what else can she do (like she's a sideshow at a circus act). One of the little girls around her age came up to her and was talking, but it was baby talk, so DD took the girl's pacifier out of her mouth and said "What? I just can't hear you!" and walked away. She has no use for children her age if they can't talk and can get mean to them sometimes. Our family, as well intentioned as they are, always try to make her 'perform.' Incessantly. We've had to tell them to not do that so much as it will eventually just set her apart further and make her feel strange. Right now, she LOVES being the center of attention and maybe first time mom and dad are just too sensitive and hyper-aware, but I just don't want her to get hurt and I want to foster whatever talents she has without pushing or confusing her. It's all a very delicate balance, isn't it? At what ages did any of you posters' children start school? Everyone is suggesting that I go ahead and put dd in school, but I'm so not ready for that. I had even planned on home-schooling her in all the pre-children dreaming that you do, but now I just don't know what to do. We've looked into Montessori, but I'm not sure about the structure and routine of that program. Also, I'm not really willing to send my 2 year old off to school while I can still be at home with her, unless someone could convince me that it will harm her somehow by not. I'm rambling. Anyway, I hope we can all gather some insight from each other. DD is starting gymnastics this week in an effort to do what her pediatricia suggested. If nothing else, dd is having LOTS of fun with all of these outings. : D
As early as 18 months, my daughter would tell people her name, say that she was happy to meet them, ask their names and shake their hand; she would tell her age when they asked me. They thought she was lying and said so (she is tall) and they occasionally said some really stupid things to me after looking at me like I was a "stage" mom, like I could make her do that! They just really did/do not understand, because it is not their experience. I am happy that it is yours, so that you understand
K, I think the "highly intelligent" is the same as the "highly gifted," and the HG child is as different from the gifted child as the gifted child is from the "regular" child. (reference can be highly, exceptionally and profoundly) I posted the article under Identification. I think we will have to discuss tomorrow the lack of understanding that others have, the assumption that you are pressing, "teaching," pushing your child. Guiding the Gifted Child addresses this extensively, how others do not get it. How having a G child is no different than having a special needs child who has very specialized attention needs, education needs, etc. You cannot just overlook it and pretend that there are no differences. People get real "funny" real quick.
Oh, Mom, I am so glad you are here! My family has never wanted S to "perform" but other than that, I could have written your post! DD just turned three and is reading but still just learning. She has esentially taught herself through memorization. She knew phonics well by two. This experience is so fun, so rare and so so very challenging. People really do not understand and can be clueless and critical. I get it and have been there, and I think the support for us, as parents, is really important. Our children have constant need for adult interaction (not attention), which often does resemble a circus side show act. People would not believe how embarrassing it can become when your child is the CENTER of the attention no matter who is there and what is happening. I have spent much time trying to deflect some of the constant attention and enabling her to encourage others. She does not expect attention; it just happens.
I want to chat. I have several other articles that I would like to post and will tell you more about our experience with school (we did not choose Montessori because of the lack of structure. Also dd just started school; she was almost three.), but I am out the door. I think homeschooling is great for some and what we did (her home with me for 3 years) worked great, but the time has come that she needs so much more than I can give her here at home with the demand to meet the needs of an 8 month old baby. I will be back later.
[font=Comic Sans MS] (Red, we were posting at the same time, so please don't miss my post previous to yours.)[/font][font=Comic Sans MS]Ladies~[/font][font=Comic Sans MS]I found a school for DD...we are on her 4th...but we moved between 3 and 4. Anyway, it took me a lot of research to find a school that was structured enough for her, allowed her to interact with children at or near her own age, and flexible enough to realize the 'issues' she has. [/font][font=Comic Sans MS][/font] [font=Comic Sans MS]The director of her 3rd preschool helped us so much...she told us what would help a child like her...whom she described as 'scary smart' and the brightest 2 year old she had ever met in her 20 plus years of education. I am so happy I can say that here without fear of being flamed for bragging! :D They are very, very structured yet allowed the child the freedom to express themselves...say they are learning about the color brown...they would say 'what does the color brown mean to you?' and then let them go...they could draw, paint, build, shape out of clay...whatever they felt was 'brown.' [/font][font=Comic Sans MS][/font] [font=Comic Sans MS]They also taught respect and how to behave properly. In most preschools I visited, you walk in a room of 2 year olds and all he$# was breaking loose...it was loud, chaotic, etc. Not at this school...it was very peaceful and the kids were all busy...but not just running around. They required a masters degree in early childhood education for the teachers...or a similiar degree.[/font][font=Comic Sans MS][/font] [font=Comic Sans MS]So, when we moved...I found another great school...it took a while to work out the kinks but they now are working so well with her and us. Not quite as good as school #3 but very good. The director again stated how 'bright' she is. How really bright she is...;) [/font][font=Comic Sans MS][/font] [font=Comic Sans MS]I am very concerned about the public school system here in Florida...I honestly know they will probably not be able to educate her properly and definately won't keep her motivated...private school or homeschool will probably be where we end up....I just don't know???[/font][font=Comic Sans MS][/font] [font=Comic Sans MS]Karen[/font][font=Comic Sans MS][/font] [font=Comic Sans MS][/font] [font=Comic Sans MS][/font] [font=Comic Sans MS][/font]
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I'm so glad I found you guys! Angel-I'm glad you found a school for your dd. I hope it works out well. I can relate to your Disneyland experience. Similar things happen when we go out with Gracie. Sometimes it's great, because there are 'perks' to their little magnetic personalities, huh? To answer your question about her reading, we've just nopw started helping her because I just didn't know where I stood on teaching a 2 year old to read. I don't know, almost like I expected her little brain to burst if I worked with her on it. Not quite, but do you know what I mean? She knew quite a few words and all the animal sounds at 9 months. At 11 months she knew the entire alphabet by mouth, and at 12 months could recognize the letters, lower case and upper. At 14 months we found out she could spell her name. I was sitting at the computer doing some work and there was a file organizer on the floor with a handle on it. She came in and said "oooh, Gracie's purse!" I told her no, it was a file folder. She said "NO! Gracie's purse. See? G-R-A-C-I-E spells Gracie. It's mine!" There were letters in random order all over the file, but she picked those out. Incidentally, the file folder became her purse. : D We didn't do anything for a few months, but she was always asking us how to spell this or that. She can spell cat, dog, Jesus, Mama, Daddy, Mia, bus, cup, apple, and a few others that I know or. I asked a teacher friend of mine, who recognizes Gracie's abilities, what would be the next level to teach her to read. She suggested she needed to learn her letter sounds and we went to a teacher supply store and bought her a video on letter sounds. She learned every letter sound within a week of watching the video only 3 times that week. We limit her television watching more than most of my friends do, so the video was a real treat for her. She knocks us over with some of the things she comes up with and really has a very unique way of looking at things. She amazes me with her creativity. The way she 'pretend' plays is so fun to watch. She can take the most ordinary of objects and to her, it's a microphone, a firehat, a horse, etc. She's very theatrical and such a joy. There is not a shy bone in her body and I so want her to always have the confidence in herself that she has right now. I would love to find a group like you have found, Red. Thanks to all of you! Maybe we can all be a resource to each other, as well.
Okay -sorry for the length and I hope I don't get flamed by people for titling this post the way I did, but that was honestly my feeling for a great deal of my childhood...
Redhedded - you asked for adult perspectives on this issue and I wanted to put in a few cents worth from an adult who has lived this particular challenge. You see, I was a "gifted" child, only back then (I'm 33) they didn't have the same opportunities that HI or HG children have now. As a little background, I was speaking in short sentences by my first birthday and fully potty trained by 16 months. I was the kid in the grocery that everyone noticed to because I "acted so much older" and who else but a gifted child would entertain themselves by repeating the alphabet backwards, at age 3? To this day, I consistently "ace" things and have not found many areas where I can't excel if I put my mind to it. I have been invited to become a member of MENSA - Now I don't say this to brag, but just to let you know that yes, I was a gifted child and can SO understand what your little one is going through. :o
My entire childhood, I was a loner. You see, I had the same problem - what toddler wants to play with a 3-year old who acts like she's 8 or 9? I too, felt more comfortable in the presence of adults than I did with my class mates. I was always the teacher's "pet", the first to finish assignments and had the highest scores / grades. I can remember in early childhood, I didn't have any playmates (no preschool for me) and it wasn't until about 4th grade that I had my first true friendship. I cannot tell you the years that I suffered with depression, feeling isolated from my peers. Even in high school, while I had acquaintances (those who wanted to copy my homework or needed tutoring, etc.) I had very few friends and most of them tended to be loners in their own right (my best friend in HS was a young lady with MD who was wheelchair bound) because I found them to be more accepting of my "differences" than most kids. Even now, as an adult, I have few friends and rarely let on to anyone outside of my close circle how intelligent I am.
I hope that maybe some of my experiences will let you know what kind of pitfalls you may encounter along the way...
Provide stimulation whatever the cost... I can't tell you how thankful I am that my parents were able to provide music lessons and keep me in academic clubs and supplied with extra workbooks to stay busy. While mastery always came easy, I was encouraged to help others that were less proficient - teach your little one to "share" her knowledge with other kids, but in a manner that is not condescending.
Find a school that works with HG kids. We lived in a poor rural area, but I was skipped ahead a grade and enrolled in every advanced placement class I could find. Be honest with teachers about giving extra assignments or special challenges to keep learning motivating. I even attended community college classes in the evenings for things that were of particular interest to me. :D
Find a playmate of equal intelligence. This is probably the advice I want to reinforce the most. I only wish growing up that I had just one peer that could have kept up with me, that I didn't have to mentor or tutor or help. I didn't get invited to birthday parties or sleepovers because no one wanted to be accused of hanging out with the "nerd". :( I spent many a Friday night, even as a teen, firmly engrossed in lands that only exist between the front and back covers. I longed to have just one friend that really understood me.
Provide her with adults who will stimulate her learning while letting her be a kid. Some of my favorite memories growing up were with my mom's second cousin. She was 15 years older than I and would buy me books and spend hours talking on my level. She would take me to the museum and discuss art to my heart's content and then we'd go to Gatti's and play in the balls. :D Even when she was an adult and I was still a teen, she'd take me to a foreign language film and then we'd go mall hopping. Find someone (outside of mom or dad or even granma) that can provide this outlet / friendship for S.
And this is a bit of advice that may not sit well with others, but is a cold hard fact of (at least my) life... you will want to teach your daughter when to shine and when to "tone it down" so to speak. Her intelligence is going to make her the brunt of jokes as well as the center of attention. :mad: Teach her the situations in which it is encouraged to excel, there will be ample opportunities for her to be the center of attention (and rightly so), but there are going to be just as many instances where "fitting in" will be as important to her as her intelligence is to you. I don't mean to say you should teach her to "play dumb" but you're going to have to remind her that other kids should have an opportunity to excel in their own right. Just because she is the smartest one in the class won't mean that there aren't other children that will know the answer, too and deserve to be called upon even when S's hand is the only one in the air.
And you're right, its not really any consolation when you understand at 5 years old that people treat you differently when you're alone than in a group, just because they may be insecure or jealous. :confused: The love and support of you and your whole family will be the foundation upon which she can build a successful life. She will have disappointments and heartbreaks and there won't be a blessed thing you can do about it, other than to admit the situation, sympathize that its not fair and provide all the hugs needed to comfort her.
Okay - there's a lot more I could say, but I'm afraid this is too long already. If you want to get to know me more please PM me - I'd love to hear more about your little girl and her progress. And please, don't be offended by anything I've said - as a wise person once told me "opinions are like (butt)holes, everybody has one, just depends on how full of (crap) they are" and this is just my opinion, nothing more, nothing less... :D
Bless you all for being proactive and realizing the special kids you've got in your life.
Sunny
Sunny, First, Thank you thank you. I appreciate your sharing your experience more than you know! It is so valuable to me and for my daughter, not just now but also later. I can only imagine the pain of constantly feeling different and isolated. These years that you so vividly describe are exactly what research warns about; the young child has such a need to connect with those similar before forming the "methods" of coping, which may lead to lifelong depression or worse. You are not the first or even the second person to tell me that the most important thing that I can do for my daughter is find another child that is like she is. Of course, sharing and the ability to do well socially and emotionally in every environment is essential, but she needs a relationship with a child her emotional age who understands what she does, learns and thinks like she does and processes the same way. I realize that it is invaluable. I really appreciate your stressing the need to provide additional and stimulating activities based on interest. I think that it is critical. My dd has incredible musical ability and expressed an interest in playing the violin and the drums. For now, we have given her a choice; she chooses percussion.
I have an added bonus - my mother. She was an English/creative writing teacher with gifted kids (simultaneously a special education teacher). She had one student whom I had the pleasure of later attending high school with. He was the genius among the smartest of kids. He also had the rare experience of being incredibly charming, socially adept, athletic, cute and a real smart arse, which I think is quite common. Anyway, my mom has shared stories with me about his experience; she was very close to him. In some ways, while he was "accepted," his personal stress and pressure was so great, because of the need to "fit" everywhere with everyone. He did a lot of social disguising. Many of the teachers labeled him a behavior problem and wanted to discuss him openly in the louge (probably to affirm or get attention for their analysis of him); my mother refused and said that she would discuss students privately. Teachers accused her of encouraging his rebellion, his unwillingness to follow the status quo. He was not a trouble maker, just smarter than all of them and he knew it. Rather than encourage him, my mother says her role with such kids was all about being a resource person (exposing them and enabling them to find answers, make assessments and form opinions; they did not need her "expertise"), they constantly pushed him to fit into a box; he refused and became seemingly disillusioned very early. This is very common.
One thing I have read about a lot and was discussed recently in the meeting we attended was that this is the critical period (between 3 and 10); this is when kids are forming their social identity, their standard interaction and figuring out how they fit into the group. This is the time that they are learning without inhibition and not aware of a need to "contain" or hide their knowledge. The acknowledgement of this being such a critical time is a fairly new one. That is why I have a lot of time "worrying" about the school environment. K, I think your experience of several schools in a short time is very very common. A classroom where 2 year olds are still learning to share, learning the alphabet and animal sounds is not ever going to be appropriate for a child that knew the alphabet at 12-14 months. My dd knows all of the bones in the body and does not want to talk about what a cow says. She did that months and months and months before becoming mobile.
What happened with us was pretty stressful. DD started school for the first time this summer. She did great. Teacher commented daily on her language comprehension (second language) her diction, her ability to repeat and use sentences, not just fragments, after a week; she stated daily that she had never met a kid like her, the same comments that you have experienced - the "way scary smart!" But then the teacher commented to me about the need to have her sit and listen quietly (she has great adult manners) because dd wanted to help read the story and help explain, turn the pages and required "so much more attention" than the other kids. BAM - their message: we appreciate her intelligence and tenacity as long as it fits into the classroom teaching environment, and if it doesn't, she needs to "tone it down" and conform (you guys know I am not talking about the need to follow rules/guidelines, which I too expect.) The structure combined with freedom and opportunity for experimentation is so necessary for my dd (yours I am sure too). There is a good reason that teachers require additional training for gifted and talented teaching.
Mom, I am all for keeping your dd home with you as long as possible. Who is a more equipped teacher than you? You know what she knows, how she learns, where her interests lie and how to encourage her in the best way. It is you that has taken her where she is. Regular preK would be a disaster. Homeschooling has been a big consideration for us, though I think as they age, it is not really the best approach or education. Plus, not always, but it be just another element of alienation for them. We know that the appropriateness of any school program is something that we will have to reexamine and address regularly and know that the goal is not to add more "busy" work but to ensure that our daughter has the exposure and opportunity to learn what she is capable of.
About the reading, it is really like everything else you have encountered. If she asks you, why do the water lillies come out in the height of the afternoon sun, you answer her. I read an article a year ago, when the reality of this, the importance of addressing it, became really an issue; it advised that if you had a child that needed OT, PT or Speech, medication for a chronic illness, wouldn't you give it and right away? All of us, for all of our kids are trying to optimize their happiness and life experiences. This is not about pushing or teaching something that she is not ready for; it is about aiding her in a quest that she has shown you she needs. To not provide the support could be, according to the article, borderline neglectful. I understand the internal conflict, do I let her be a kid and make her wait or give into her "need" for information. My experience, you cannot make her wait; she demands it, so why try.
You know, I am really happy to share these experiences, because outside of our family and the occasional mention here, I have not talked about this experience really. Friends become weird. If you never discuss anything but diet and poop, they start to constantly bring it up, especially when you are out and meet strangers; it quickly becomes a focal point of your time with them. They become competitive and weird or worse, start avoiding contact with your kid. It is truly an odd experience to have this tiny tiny person (barely or not walking) tell strangers her full name, spell it, give phone number and address and cross streets where you live. We had to begin regular discussions about stranger awareness and not telling people where we live. Now she wants to tell them in what hospital, in what city every one in our/my family was born. :rolleyes:
I love the internet. Otherwise I would never have the opportunity to have this discussion with any of you. To think that we have this shared experience that we can talk about and that our kids are adopted; I really really appreciate it.
I do want to post a couple of articles that have helped me muddle through this new and foreign territory. As an aside, my husband, after reading the paper today, said that our dd did not really need to learn French, but should, instead, be studying Mandarin. :D
While mastery always came easy, I was encouraged to help others that were less proficient - teach your little one to "share" her knowledge with other kids, but in a manner that is not condescending.
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Redhedded -
Thank you for taking what I said in context... :) I just wanted to tell you that (months of lurking before posting) I have followed your (and others) story and S is very lucky to have you as her mom. My mother and I are still very close and I think a lot of it is due to the amount of time and energy she devoted to me. You're going to be a wonderful mommy and raise a beautiful, magical daughter who will make you proud and break your heart simultaneously. You'll just have to be "smarter than the average bear" and twice as busy as "normal" mommies! :D
Sunny
P.S. I have to tell you, after seeing pictures of you and your family in another thread - I am so jealous of your "red-hed"! My best friend is a lovely auburn and I admit, it's the only thing in life that I've ever coveted! :p
Sunny, I reread your post several times and cannot imagine why on earth I would ever flame you. I so welcome your experience, your willingness to share what this is like, and what you might do differently if it were your own child based on your own experience. Please continue to enlighten me.
You are sweet. I have been so blessed in my life - it is sheer ridiculous luck. I have this incredible family, these two amazing kids who own my heart, my partner, my parents, my sister. They give me so much, love me, support me, encourage and understand me. Sometimes I am overwhelmed with emotion and the awareness that others have suffered so much in their lives, so much pain and sadness, heartache, injustice. I have talked once about being immobilized while waiting to be matched, late at night. I thought constantly about what other women have experienced, how very hard life has been for them, how they can never get a break or how little support or access that they have had.
I notice that you had a babe for a long time who was reunited with birthfamily. I am so sorry. Please share your experience with us if you feel able. If not, I am sorry that I asked.
About the hair. Okay, my authentic color is auburn, now a rather mucky mostly gray discolored something from years of color. You know, you can get this "youthful" hue in a bottle. I use Clairol Reds from Sallys. I used to have it done, always; since becoming a mom, I often just do it myself, takes 1/2 the time and wayyyy less money. :D