No Family

I do not see how that would be damaging. Yes, and extended loving family would be nice, but not eveyone has that. Many of my close friends have becomes Aunts and Uncles to my daughter. I just adopted them as family members! Kay

As long as you have a loving, supportive network of friends then that CAN be your family. I don't think sharing a bloodline is the top priority but just that your child will be loved and cared for (mainly by you). I think that the most important thing in adopting a child from Ethiopis is having a connection with other families who have also adopted from Ethiopia and also adopted transracially. As long as your child is loved and surrounded by people that love him/her and that is a diverse group of individuals, then I personally don't think you have anything to worry about. SO, GO FOR IT!!!!!!!!!! :D

I agree with the above posters. It is very important for a single Mom or Dad to have a good social support system. Sometimes, we need help -- for example, if we are going to be in the hospital, or even if we are just feeling overwhelmed at some point. And our children definitely need to know that there are a lot of people who love them and are looking out for them. While it would be nice if all single parents had plenty of relatives as part of a social support system, it just doesn't happen that way all the time. Many singles, especially singles adopting at older ages, no longer have living parents. I don't; I adopted from China at 51, after my parents were gone. Many singles are "only" children, without siblings. And many singles don't have dozens of cousins; their parents may have been only children, or their parents' siblings may not have had children. I have no siblings, although I do have cousins, since my Mom was one of eight children, most of whom had kids. But many singles, especially singles adopting at older ages, have long ago built up a wonderful network of friends and acquaintances. These friends may very well wind up being an excellent substitute for relatives in your child's life. Even your choice of guardian for your child -- the person you name to care for your child if you should die -- may be one of your close friends. Interestingly, although it won't help on your homestudy, where you will be asked about your social support system, many singles AND married people also develop new friends through the adoption process. It can be a very powerful common bond. As an example, one of MY closest friends is now one of the other single Moms who were in my China travel group. Although I have named a distant cousin as a guardian for Becca, I may decide to name this woman as an alternate, someday. We share a lot of the same values, and our daughters are very close friends. So as long as you feel that there are people in your life who can function as family, you should definitely go ahead and adopt. But do be realistic about things. Are these people folks who will be supportive when times are tough? Do they approve of your adoption and love children? Do they share your values and interests? Will you see them often enough that your child can have a meaningful relationship with them? If so, that's great. If not, well, you might find being an adoptive Mom very difficult. Do you know any elderly people well? It will be important for your child to have people in her/his life who can function like grandparents. Do you know any men well? It will also be important for your child to have role models of the opposite sex. They don't necessarily have to be your boyfriends or former boyfriends. They can be the husband of a friend, etc. These are important questions, so really give them some thought, for the sake of your child. But also recognize that everything doesn't have to be in place immediately. As an example, I did have some male role models picked out for my daughter -- an old boyfriend (who indeed has wound up playing the role of a loving uncle), and a male cousin who, with his wife, has raised two daughters to adulthood. But my daughter has also become very attached to a Japanese man we met through my adoption agency when I managed to shatter a kneecap several years ago. He and his then-wife became Becca's babysitters when I needed surgery on the knee. Hiroshi and Becca have wound up having having monthly "dates" since then, to go to museums, street fairs, and so on. Now divorced after many years of marriage, he has recently formally introduced us to his new girlfriend, and I hope that she, as well as he, will continue to play a role in our lives. Good luck with your plans to adopt, and please let me know if I can be of any help. Sharon

I agree. Keep in mind too, that some of us who have adopted infants, are older (both of us are 48yrs old...and we'd like to do this again....)....but the extended family we do have, doesn't all live near by. Many live many states away. So, we have done as others here have suggested.....we have found friends and family who are 'adopted extended family' and serve the same purpose for our little ones quite well. I wish you luck and hope your adoption wait is short! Sincerely, Linny

Thank you all for your great advice/suggestions. I have a few friends that can be a part of a support group and I've made friends with other familes that have adopted from Ethiopia. I'm also trying to gain networks in the Ethiopian community here in the city which I live. I think that which the support networks I establish and the love of my home that this child will be o.k. Thanks again.