Single Male Parent & "Mother's Maiden Name"

I'm a lesbian, so my son had 2 mom's plus a birthmother..... who knows what he will use! I would have fought with her and given her the logic that many woman now a days do not "take" their husband's name, so Mother's maiden name isn't as secure as it might have been in the "olden" days. As an adoptee, I would have been appalled if my parents had ever used my birth parents info for anything.... they are not my parents, so their info (for stuff like this) is not relevant. Sheeshhh... some people. (her.... not you :))

Before I read Andy's response, which I agree with, I was going to suggest that you just use your mother's maiden name. (I was just wondering why I didn't have to deal with it, then realized that *I* was the mother! Of course, as a single, my maiden name is the same as his last name . . .) The simplest "little" thing has to be made so confusing!

Sylvstr, you are a single parent. Your child has a Dad, but no Mom. You are no different from me. I am the single Mom of a wonderful daughter from China. My daughter has a Mom, but no Dad. Your child's birthmother is not your child's Mom, from a legal standpoint. Her rights have been terminated. My children's birthparents are not her Mom and Dad, from a legal perspective. They abandoned her in China, when she was 18.5 months old. We do not know who they are. We live in 2005, not the Dark Ages. Single men and women adopt all the time. When we fill out forms for any purpose, we put our own information in the correct block, and put "N/A -- single parent adoption" where it asks for the other parent's information. Unfortunately, you were dealing with a clerk whose mind is still back in the Dark Ages, and maybe with a system that is still in the Dark Ages. You ought to have asked to speak with a supervisor. Or with the supervisor's supervisor. Nowadays, many modern businesses do want a security code. But you may have noticed that some are switching away from asking for "mother's maiden name." They are giving a bunch of alternatives like the make of your first car, the name of your favorite pet, the name of the city in which you were born, etc. So your child will probably have lots of options, when the need arises in adulthood to provide a security code. Hopefully, by then, MOST organizations will no longer be so insistent on using mother's maiden name as such a code. Sharon

to everyone who has responded. All of your suggestions have merit. Though I'm still not sure which approach I'll decide on, I'm leaning toward the "N/A" solution because it's the truth.

And I have dealt with several states.

I opened a bank account for J last month and they wanted "Mother's Maiden name", which he promptly gave. As he is 16, it seemed kinda silly to pretend that we don't know it. No, his mother has no legal rights to him. Still, he and I saw this a just a bit of factual information no different than "Place of Birth". I agree, however, that this question is pretty antiquated. Time to embrace the 21st Century. Mike

and you need to, because there was a case here where good ole b-mom stacked up bad credit on b-son she lost rights to I don't know how it works for dads, but I know with one of my kid the particular worker didn't know what to do and was telling me the wrong information and I told her no, to get her supervisior and I was right and she was wrong (legaly they are like a new person) you aren't supposed to keep the same SS#

When my Mother was single she always had this problem because her Mother's maiden name was the same as her married name, hench both my Mother and my Grandmother had the same maiden names. My Mother relates one funny "whose on first" type of story when she was marrying my Father. The lady at the clerk's office for the marriage certfiicate kept asking for Mother's maiden name and my Mother would provide it and the lady kept saying not YOUR last name your Mother's maiden name. It kept on for awhile, this woman could not grasp the names were the same..... Since I am a single Mother about to adopt my two foster daughters I never thought of this issue but it would present a challenge for us as well. They should give an option like many credit card companies do as to which security code you want to use, besides Mother's maiden names are easy to obtain and are not the best for security purposes.

mom's information, that is how the SSA just does it, it is harder to get the new number now since 9/11, and they may want to hold the documents to research (they usually require the new birth record and the finalization adoption papers and I think that is all) I know that some how the way they usually find out the accurate birthdate on foster kids is by searching the b-mom through SSA and all her children who have SS# pop up (Out of the 16 kids I foster 2 sib groups their b-moms had no idea of birthdays, and I don't think they were joking)