Advertisements
i'm not quite sure what to write, except that i am so amazingly angry with the people i chose for my son. i can't begin to explain the disrespect an carelessness i've recieved from these people. it was supposed to be an open adoption, there was supposed to be communication. Adoption was not what i thought it would be. i chose these people because they were family, they were my blood relatives. I thought who better to raise my son. there wonderful people and they would never lie to me or treat me badly. I was dead wrong. i've made such a huge mistake in choosing these people, not because there bad parents just bad people, an there's nothing i can do about it. i'm so frustrated and angry with them. Before papers were signed they were "there for me" they were so open about pictures an visits then after my signature was on those papers it was a whole different story. they don't want me around they think i'm some sort of bad guy. I just wanted to see my son every once in a while maybe a picture here an there. i hate these people. i hope it eats at them how badly they've hurt me
Like
Share
Oh wow. I don't know where to begin to console you. It's just so clear how hurt you are and I'm so sorry that on top of the loss of your child, you have to have added aggrivation included. This hardly seems fair. Are they cousins or something of yours? I'm amazed that even family has shut you out from this "open adoption". Suffice it to say, I don't think I should share what I'm really thinking/feeling for you. hannah
Advertisements
thanks hannah, yes they are cousins of mine on my moms side, actually my cousin an his wife. what really makes me so amazingly mad is that they are able to have children they have a daughter of there own, i wonder now if they were only doing it to make themselves look good. when they called they actually said to me "we thought you moved on" . what kind of statement is that? its been 10 months he's my son, i'm never gonna just "move on". i honestly don't know what to do. i wanna just walk up to her an slap her an then walk over an deck him in the face, for treating me like total ****. i honestly don't wanna feel anymore, because feeling this way is horrid.
That's just unbelievable. You are saying there is NO way to make them stick to the agreement of an OPEN adoption? They must've signed *something* that makes it a committment? I'm from the closed adoption era, so I know nothing of how an open one works and what's signed and what's not. Is there no way to petition the court? I'm just sick inside for you hon. Does make you want to smack someone and take the baby back I'm sure. What a heavy burden you carry right now. Have you thought about counseling just to get you through this horrible horrible spot? 10 months is hardly long enought to "let go" of something this huge. What uncaring people. ((((hugs)))) hannah
i am seeking counseling, it kinda helps i'm on some stuff that helps keep me calm an not so stressed out about everything. In an open adoption what i was told was, after papers were signed the adoptive parents do not have to do anything that they said they would do before papers were signed. So they can make all these promises about pictures and visits an then turn around and not do any of it. Im just left with this frustrated feeling that they lied to me. i guess i'm just not sure what to do about how i feel.
Advertisements
I'm sorry you are going through this, what they are doing to you is unbelievably cruel. To make promises before signing papers, then not following up on those promises afterwards.
The fact that they are blood family makes it even worse that they can do this to you.
HUGS to you sweetie
Collette
3 weeks ago i wrote them a letter, asking them if we could sit down or go through the agency to talk about setting something up, and they told me no. so now im at a loss i don't know what to do now. i looked through my adoption papers and it says that visits, pictures etc. are at the discretion of the adoptive parents. i dont know what to do, get a lawyer? if anyone knows of something i'd appreciate it. they do not wanna budge on anything. what do i do?
Hi I read your post and wanted to say Im so so sorry. I am on the other end of the adoption. We adopted our neices baby. But I have to say we have a good relationship. I send her pictures. Our boy talks to her on the phone. I feel bad that they did not tell you the truth. I have to say that people that can't have their own childen may have been better. The reason I say that is. It seems they want that child so badly they don't want to decieve the parents. They just want everyone happy. I feel there is less stress also. There are no secrets and so life is better for everyone. The child has lots of people to love them. They adjust better as they grow up. If I were you I would consult a Lawyer.
Hugs ivorysoul
Advertisements
thank you to everyone who replied to my original post. i think that what i did was best for my son, i just think the people i chose were wrong. i think if i would have chosen a couple who could not concieve then i would have had a better relationship with my son and with the adoptive parents. now that is finalized though i can't go back, and at times it kills me to know that i won't have any sort of relationship with my son. to any girl that is thinking about adoption for her child, please be careful and research as much as possible. please know everything before making the decision.
Having your trust betrayed is very painful. I am glad though that you say they are good parents. I hope for your sake that they are just being possessive out of a temporarily state of insecurity. Have you read about 'entitlement'? It might be that they feel their entitlement to a baby they have bonded to as their own is threatened by any involvement on your part. They may or may not have purposely lied to you. It would probably be best to not burn any bridges. Like, don't spread it around the family that you wish you'd chosen a different family and that they are bad people. If you stick to saying that you are glad they are good parents and that you are very hurt that you don't have the open adoption that you expected, maybe in time they will feel that it is not too uncomfortable for them to follow the agreement.
When I thought about it ahead of time, or even now if I think about it happening far in the future, I feel like I could be okay with my daughter (she's 9 yrs old and the adoption will be next month) having contact with her parents. But when she was still having visits I really hated it. If her mom ignored her or her Dad said vicious things to her at the visit, I felt mad. If they were all hugging and kissing and getting along together I felt terribly jealous. It is a huge relief to me that the courts have ordered no contact until she is 18 yrs old.
I think moms and dads don't like to share their children. I was talking to a new mom (soon to adopt a 7 yr old) and she said that the friendship with her best friend of 15 yrs had been destroyed because she couldn't bear it that her friend tried to act like a mom to the child that she is adopting. So I guess new moms may just be a little crazy-jealous, especially in the beginning when they (we) have to deal with claiming and entitlement issues.
Howdy
I think moms and dads don't like to share their children. I was talking to a new mom (soon to adopt a 7 yr old) and she said that the friendship with her best friend of 15 yrs had been destroyed because she couldn't bear it that her friend tried to act like a mom to the child that she is adopting. So I guess new moms may just be a little crazy-jealous, especially in the beginning when they (we) have to deal with claiming and entitlement issues.
Advertisements