What would you have liked to know?

I would have liked someone to tell me that visits are not easy, nor always comfortable in the beginning. I would have liked to know that open adoption was not a privilage to me, but something I could do that would be for the good of my child. take a look at my web site. Most of the stuff I have written is stuff I wish someone would have told me.

Brenda, What is your website? Cathy

Brenda I will definitely make my way that way also. Thanks for the reply :). In all honesty, they should have you go speak. May I give out your website to the pap's that attend? Or even to the agency so they can hand it out to future pap's who want to know more about open?

I think most importantly, folks need to know that open adoption, like any other close relationship, takes worklots and lots of work. Its not a given; birthparents donŒt automatically get to have a relationship with the child and adoptive family by default, it takes mutual respect and effort to cultivate a relationship and keep it going, forever. Its not a given; adoptive families dont automatically get to have a relationship with the birth family by default. They canҒt expect the relationship to cultivate and grow without mutual respect and effort to cultivate a relationship and keep it going, forever. Relationships in open adoption are no different than other close and familial relationships. Your friends and family members make you mad and they make choices you dont agree with҅but like any other relationship, you work to fix it. I think, the one thing that should be stressed, that most likely isnt (I know it wasnҒt when I placed) is that it takes a tremendous amount of work to create a relationship, sometimes between people who only have one commonality, and thats the child. Backgrounds are sometimes different, even religious and political beliefs are sometimes different҅it takes a lot of work to make a relationship between people who may not have a whole lot in common, work.

It's in my profile. I am not allowed to post it though.