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Hmmmm....
I wonder if anyone has any thoughts or experience about this. Our delectable eight month olds birth mommy called yesterday, she asked for a loan of $ 50.00. (I have a policy, by the way, anything I ever loan, in my heart I have given, I don't expect it to come back, that way if it does, I am pleasantly surprised, if I don't get it back, it's no big deal, it means I am also careful, what I 'lend' and to whom).
I asked her to give me five minutes to ask my husband about it. He had Inigo, our little one on his lap, and he looked at me over the baby's head, and said "just give it to her." So I sent the money via WU to her.
Now, here's the thing. Three weeks ago she flaked on a meeting with me and Inigo; I was going to drive the two hours out to see her, and she left me a message at 7.00 a.m. that morning, just saying she called, nothing else. Her mother (with whom she no longer lives) told me not to come until I was sure that she would be there (Mum's house is the meeting point).
Mum also said that she didn't like her daughter's new boyfriend, that he lives off of her and takes drugs, and that she was worried that he might be introducing the daughter to them. During K's pregnancy with Inigo she was completely straight, as far as I was aware she didn't drink, smoke or use any kind of drug, blood work supported this.
Her mother told me that she think that K is pregnant again. She just thinks that by the look of her she is. I guess she has seen her pregnant four times before, so she knows what she is talking about.
Up until this recent failure to turn up for our meeting she has always been reliable, and was especially so during her pregnancy.
She told me yesterday that she is presently alienated from her mother, that her mother has accused her of stealing things from her house.
I am scared about what her mother suspects. If she is pregnant then this is a big worry. I obviously don't want to give her money for drugs, and truthfully, I don't know what one should be doing even if she didn't take drugs, and just needed money.
Another thing, if she were pregnant, her mother believes that she would be compelled by CPA to place her child into care. If that were the case, we would definitely adopt another child from her.
If she is taking drugs, then CPA will step in too
I don't want to alienate her. I don't want to give her drug money, and I won't.
Does anyone have any experience in this kind of thing.
I am worried for her.
Poulla
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Poulla,
I would not give her the money and I would tell her so and why. I also I would report your concerns to the CPA your concern should be for the unborn child not an adult who chooses to do drugs. If she is doing drugs I would not pursue the visits with the biological mother, wait until she is clean. Your primary concern needs to be you and your immediate family. When your child is old enough to understand you can explain it to her.
Just because you tell her no to the visits and no to the money does not mean you shouldn't pursue the adoption of her unborn child.
Good luck,
Cathy
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