Any good books?

That's kind of a hard question to answer now that I think about it! A lot of the attachment books I've read are more geared towards the toddler/older child. You might try "Parenting the Hurt Child" though. What specifically are you looking for? Bonding techniques, things like that? Or something different?

A lot of the books do cover toddlers on up, but I think they also discuss infant development and needs as well (I was focused on preschool age). I really liked Attaching in Adoption by Deborah Gray and A Child's Journey Through Placement by Vera Fahlberg. They do talk about the developmental and emotional effects of even very early neglect and abuse. If you could get them at a library that would probably be best, as a great deal of the material will deal with older kids. In a nutshell, you will need to try to meet the needs of the baby that were not met before (feeding, changing, holding, singing, etc.) and help the baby learn to trust that his needs will be met and that adults/caregivers can be trusted. Responding quickly to cries will help. I used swaddling even with my daughter who we got at almost four - she loved it! Plan on carrying and holding the baby as much as you can. Infant massage might be good, too. You may want to have the baby sleep in your room. Good luck to you!

Thank you! My 7mo old foster son was severely malnourished and neglected when he came into foster care a month ago. At 6 months he weighed 9 lbs. He is now up to 13.5 lbs and is gaining daily!! Developmentally he's at about 4.5 -5 months. He was a preemie so this is to be expected..but he had no muscle for obvious reasons until recently so he's a bit behind. I've noticed a few things that concern me about his behavior. When he is picked up his legs stiffen and he doesn't "mold" to your body. He rarely lays his head down on your shoulder unless he's really sleepy. He doesn't seem to mind being held..he just kinda pushes away from me. He also doesn't make eye contact while I'm feeding him. He doesn't fuss much..just goes from happy and smiling to a flat out scream. I spend at least an hour a day with him down on the floor talking and playing with him. He can roll from his back to his stomach now with a little work but then freaks once he gets there. I want to do as much with him as I can. I'm waiting for social services to get the early intervention people over here. I tried swaddling him today but he struggled to get his arms free immediatley. Any other suggestions?

Poor baby! Hard young life it sounds like so far! You might try having him in a sling carrier pretty much at all times. The more you hold him, the better. I'd keep trying to make eye contact with him when you feed him. Position the bottle to where he almost has to look at you. Talk and coo to him and if he allows it, put your face up close to him. (you might try using one of those boppy things while feeding since I'm sure at 13.5 lbs, he's heavy after awhile!) And the floor exercises are good too, for his development tone etc. I am sure the intervention people will have more suggestions for that too. Sounds like you are on the right track! It just takes time! I hope some of the books suggested by Sbay will help and I'll ask someone else I know who is more of an expert on the resource ideas. Hang in there! Sounds like you are doing a great job!:)

We didn't have a problem with eye contact (and M is older) but I've heard it helps to play hand games with babies that require eye contact. He might still be a bit young, but try Patty Cake Patty Cake, The Noble Duke of York, etc. Even Isty Bitsy Spider might encourage him to look at you. Good luck!

One more thing. Blowing bubbles right in front of him, toward his face, might get him looking at you, too. Even putting face paint on both of you (puppy face, etc.) might help.

Thank you both! I've ordered the suggested books from the library. The only time he doesn't make eye contact is during feedings. The rest of the day he's looking at me or for me..and when I look back at him and smile and say hi he gets all excited. He really is a lovable baby. When we lay on the floor together he'll roll over on his side to face me nose to nose and reaches out to touch my face (or grab my glasses or hair) and laughs. I put him on my lap and help him stand or lay him down and he leans way back and I pull him back up and he loves that too. He's always happy, smiling and cooing. I'm holding him more and more every day and it really seems to be helping. We've only had him a week so I guess we're making really good progress. His sleep schedule is improving also. It's our first time being parents so we're slowly learning. But having a ball!!! I just want to do so much for him since we're really hoping to adopt him. But even if he goes back with his mom she will surely appreciate everything we're doing for him now. If she ever comes back to town that is...sigh.

Just wanted to say congratulations! I didn't realize how recently he came into your home. It's wonderful that you care so much and are trying so hard to help him heal :) .