Overnights with Grandparents?

Meeah was 13 months old and home 9 months when we let her stay grandma and grandpa for the 1st time. She sees them everyday, so we new she would be comfortable. Which of course she was! She had a great time and didn't even care when we went to pick her up! However, me and dh weren't! It wasn't a great night for us at all! Its not fun having your baby not home where you know she is all right. This Saturday we let her stay over for her second time. She still did great, and dh and I did a little better ;) You be the judge. It depends on you and your baby. My sister has her kids go to my mothers house every week, and sometimes for days and days. I could never ever do that. In fact, next time dh have a "date" night, we are probebly just going to have grandma and grandpa come over for a few hours because we miss Meeah to much.

Maybe I'm naive since I don't even have my referral yet, but my parents are a very big part of my niece and nephews lives and they sleep over there a lot. I'm not sure at what age it started and they are not adopted, so the attachment issue is not the same. As a single mother with a difficult schedule, there may be times I need the baby to stay with my parents. I think staying there with the baby first is a great idea, but I doubt my baby will not sleep over there until he/she is old enough to talk.Anyone else have their baby sleep at grandparents earlier?

I'm so glad this thread came up!! My parents live quite a distance away so I won't have this dilemma, however, when you think of any new parent (to bio children) there is still the bonding time and those new parents don't want to give them up too soon either. I don't imagine me letting my son (when he finally comes home) to sleep over Nana's house or anyone else's for a good long time. It took me a LONG time to get my son... I'm not letting him go for a while. Shannon

Let me say in advance that this situation was different and difficult: When my parents were involved in their motorcycle accident 3 weeks ago, we didn't have a choice but to call my dh's parents to come and keep Alex. Now let me also say that both my parents and dh's parents are VERY involved with Alex. They love him dearly and have to get their Alex "love" many times a week, so he is familiar with them. That being said, we didn't know what we were going to face at the hospital and knew that Alex didn't need to be their. We called and asked that dh's parents come to our house and keep him until we called (hoping the accident wasn't as serious as it was). We arrived at the hospital around 1-2pm and around 8-9pm, my dad was being taken to CCU and my mother to surgery, so what could we do? Dh's parents put Alex to bed (in HIS bed) and dh went home around 1am so that he could be there when Alex woke up. It was very important to me that one of us be there when he woke and that he woke up to one of our faces. Alex came home on 9/14 at 3 1/2 months old, so he hasn't been home very long at all. We hadn't planned on Alex staying away from us AT ALL for a much longer time. That being said, I haven't seen any changes in him or our attachment that is ongoing. I think alot of it has to do with Alex being familiar with his grandparents. Had the situation been different, Alex would have NEVER stayed away from us this soon, but somethings are unpredictable and he have to leave it all in God's hands to make everything okay. Alex and I also moved in with my parents when they came home for a little over a week but Alex slept with me and he loved it. We don't do co-sleeping at home, so I think it was a "treat" for Alex. Long story short, in the "ideal" situation, Alex wouldn't stay without us for many, many, many more months, possibly years, but we don't have control over everything. It is a very difficult decision and don't be pressured to make a desicion, and make sure it is the right desicion for you and your child. Sorry for the rambling... Brina:)

I wish I could say that my son hasn't stayed away from us at all. As a matter of fact, he is at my parents right now as I type this message. Over the past few months my job has changed a bit and I've had to travel more and at earlier hours. Tomorrow I have to be on the road at 5am and my hubby leaves for work at 6am. Since my parents live 30 minutes away from us, there is no way we could get him up there and then get to where we have to be. We also have no issues with attachment. Our son knows who we are and he also knows who my parents are. If there was any sign of stress, we'd have my mom sleep at our house. Thankfully there is not. This will be the 3rd time he has spent the night there since we've been home in May. We are with my family almost every day so there is a high comfort level for everybody. Jenn

This makes me feel a little better. Not that I am planning on my child staying with my parents right away, but...

This thread makes me feel better too . . . but in a different way from Linda512. I have been feeling SO guilty. Not only have I not let Maria stay overnight with my mom (Maria is 12.5 mos.; home 6.5 mos.), but I also had not yet asked her to babysit. I'm single & unemployed -- there's nowhere for me to go! Finally, last week I needed some quiet time to write a contract proposal in the evening & my mom took Maria for dinner & a few hours of play. My Mom thanked me so profusely for days afterward that I even felt more guilty. I'm actually a little surprised that I haven't needed my mom to babysit before this. My brother & SIL leave my neice with my mom all the time. They left her with me for 10 days (!) last year when they took a much-needed adult vacation - she was 18 mos. It's truly different for everyone! Boni

Trust your instincts. My little girl was home for just two months, when I chose to leave her with my parents, while I went to pick up her brother from Guatemala (a three day trip). She was just falling into a routine and I felt staying with my parents would be less disruptive than a 14 hour trip one way, two nights in a hotel, and then a 16 hour trip home with an older brother. I missed her so much that if I could have gotten out of the plane and pushed to make it go faster, I would have! On the other hand, I knew she was in the best of care. In retrospect, it was a good decision. My little boy was older and very bonded to his foster family. We had two very bad nights in the hotel followed by a long and very trying flight home with a teething, grieving and feverish little boy. Of course each situation is different, but my daughter was eight months old at the time, had been home two months, was adjusting well and showing no signs of stress or difficulty bonding. Truely, I was blessed. She was well aquainted with her grandparents as they were very supportive and involved from the beginning. I knew she would not be upset to see them answer her wake- up call. I worried if I was setting the bonding period back, but learned babies have good memories and we often underestimate them. When I arrived back home she greeted my arrival with joyful kicking and giggling and I realized at that moment she really had bonded with me. Since that time, I have let the children stay with their grandparents (and my siblings) periodically, although most of the time it is just during the day. They 'know' that I am mom, but they are also comfortable with their grandparents, Aunt and Uncles. This is important to me. If there is ever a reason I would not be able to care for them (illness, accident, travel for work), I don't want my children to be further distressed by being away from home for the first time. Just more food for thought!

I just want to second what Brina said about sometimes things being out of our control. (Even though this is different from the original poster's situation.) As some of you may recall from my posts a couple of weeks ago, my husband developed meningitis 5 days after we arrived home with our 7-month old son. Like Brina, I had no choice but to call my mom to come and help. I just couldn't take care of everyone at once; I knew it was best if I went with my husband to the ER (sure enough, they wanted my consent for the spinal tap because he was a bit fuzzy-headed in his thinking); and I didn't want my son at the hospital. Although it did not seem to disrupt my son's attachment process with us, it's important to remember that it could have. Every child is different and there's no way of knowing what will happen. You have to take in all of the generic information from the experts, observe your chid closely, and make the best decision you can. Best, Devora

About a week after I came home with my son last December, I fell ill with a serious case of pneumonia. It was not safe for Nathan to be near me. Luckily, my parents accompanied me on the pickup trip, and he was familiar with them and comfortable with them since he saw them everyday since we had been home. Out of necessity, he had to stay with them for almost two weeks until I was strong enough to take care of myself and him. When I was no longer contageous, I went to stay there just to be near him even though I couldn't care for him and didn't trust myself lifting him. All turned out well, my son is very well adjusted, feels comfortable in just about any setting, has bonded terrifically with not just me, but also my parents and has since spent the night there on several occassions. I realize I am extremely lucky to have such a great baby, and the next may not be so easy, but Nathan has truly been a blessing in every way!!

Well, I have a 6 year old that has never spent a night apart from dh or I. 2 reasons: she has and always had extreme separation anxiety and we don't have relatives that live nearby (which makes it easier because I never would've forced her to stay elsewhere). Most parents I know probably wouldn't want their kids to stay elsewhere till they are at least about 1 year old. It just all so depends on Mia's temperament and what you're comfortable with.

As soon as Kiran came home, at 5 months, my MIL started asking when he could spend the night. Hello! *hehe* :p I had to firmly set boundaries with her, one of which was spending the night away from Mom. OK, and Dad. *heehee* It took me a while to decide what was right for us but I have now decided that when Kiran is old enough to ask to spend the night with Nana I will agree. To those bringing home a child old enough to ask I would suggest a long period of bonding prior to the child spending the night away from home. I also suggest visiting the forums for attachmen and bonding to obtain more experienced advice on the subject. All of our family units are different and what is right for one may not be right for another. Take care everyone and enjoy the heck outta your kiddos! :)

On the flip side - you should also not feel guilty if and when you let him stay at his grandparents' house. Looking back on my own childhood, my grandparents played a huge role in my life and my time with them was so very special. Your child is very fortunate to have people in his life who WANT him to come and stay. My kids grandparents are all great people, but there is not the same relationship that I had with my grandparents. I believe children know pretty quickly who mommy and daddy are and if you get to the point where you feel OK about it, don't feel like you are doing something wrong by allowing it to happen. Every family is different and there is no right or wrong answer - just what you are comfortable with. There is way too much "mommy guilt" in our society - don't let it get you!

Again, with the caveat that my child is not yet identified, let alone home, I think my niece and nephews have an amazing relationship with my parents. They adore each other, spend lots of time together and are totally comfortable being together. My mother keeps them overnight relatively often- because she wants to! And they love it. I hope and pray that she stays healthy enough to have the same relationship with my kids. And my brother and sister-in-law are very generous with their kids, which we all appreciate and I think benefits the kids.

My kids have always spent the night at my parents and my parents live in Northern California while we live in Southern California. My parents fly down here and we go away or we go up there and my sister and I get away for the night. I trust my parents completely and my kids think they have died and gone to heaven when they are with them. Mia just puts her arms out to my mom and squeals. THey all have a very close relationship. I think the key to this question is your trust in your parents and how they will be and your childs reaction to them. Good luck!