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my problem is:when i was 13,my mom had a baby boy which she felt we could not keep with us.she went into the hospital under the other peoples name so there is no record of adoption.my mother would not give me any details.i was talking to my sister recently about it and she gave me the name of the people and i think i have found him through classmates.com.my sister said i should respect my mothers wishes and the wishes of his parents that he never be told.the problem is that i always planned on looking for him. he is now 39 years old.i've checked adoption sites and found nothing so i assume he doesn't know.i don't know what to do,any suggestions would help as i know this would be a terrible shock to all but i was never given the choice and i have been waiting all my life to reunite with a brother i was never able to meet.thank you for letting me vent this and any advice would help.lulubaby1953@hotmail.com
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Oh, lulubaby ... I do understand your feelings, but 39 years have passed, and if your brother has not made any attempts to find his birthfamily by this time, either he was never told he was adopted and would be shocked beyond repair to discover it now, or he just doesn't have an interest.
If I was in your shoes, I would do nothing but check on the registries frequently to see if he has posted an inquiry. If not, leave him in peace!
I know this will be difficult to do, but I don't think you could gain ANYTHING by shocking him with your information... Again, IF HE POSTS ON A REGISTRY, go ahead; otherwise think about the damage you could do, and back away.
Good luck,
Carol Bird
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If you know what state he was born in, go look in the forums under that state and find the message from SearchGuru, who will have info on what agency to contact. Then you can contact them. Do not assume that because he is not looking, that he doesn't know he is adopted. Many people, men moreso than women, are not aware of their options regarding searching. Men also tend to search later in life, and usually following a significant family event - having kids, losing an a-parent, etc. Don't give up, but I agree that contacting thru classmates might not be prudent at this time. See if you can get any info from the agency first, then go from there.