Bmom - son born 4-11-88 - Meridian, MS

November 10, 2005

I feel so ashamed of myself.

There's no reason to feel ashamed of yourself, honey!! (((warm hugs))) It's a hard topic to broach. Every mom wants her children to think she's lead a "perfect" life....and it's difficult to explain how some of the rough times you've experienced can also be bitterweet moments, as well -- especially when they are things I'm sure you attempt to protect your daughters from, as well. I would imagine you've spoken to your daughters about how you wish for their lives to unfold....and how becoming pregnant before they are equipped to handle it, emotionally, financially and physically would not be a part of your wish for their lives. It's hard to explain to them that you experienced that for yourself, and now, 17 years later, you would like to locate your son -- their brother. I'm sure it's also quite intimidating to explain why you haven't shared this with them before.....

I think I want them to have time to think about it before I begin my search

In my opinion, it is best to bring this all to light as soon as you can, so your girls can process the information, and so you, as a family, can deal your thoughts and feelings.

My birthmom denied contact with me a couple of years ago, and one of her reasons behind denying contact was that her three children (all in their 30's now) had never been told of my existence. She couldn't imagine telling them at this late date -- it had all gone on far too long for her to bring it to light some 40+ years later.

I think you might be surprised by the reaction of your daughters. They are still young enough now to be more open and accepting of things. Sometimes, I think we tend to not give our children enough credit. Sure, they will have questions.....and they will be tough ones to face....but this will also give you an opportunity to address a lot of your thoughts and feelings before you, yourself, go into the search and reunion phase of your journey. I think it's good for your girls to see you as "human".....a person who had real experiences and real issues growing up -- just like the ones they will face. I think this could be a real turning point in your relationship with them, over time. I know I wish I had known my own mom wasn't as "perfect" as I thought she was when I was growing up. I longed to know my mom as a real person.....but her generation wasn't about that. She was "June Cleaver" and that's what was represented to me. It wasn't until she passed that I learned of many things in her early life that I wish I would have known before. It would have made our relationship much closer.

Best of luck......and keep us posted, okay??

Hugs,

Sally