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For those of you who have RAD children and no longer have contact with them, how do you recover? Most people know we have no real contact with our daughter (besides a monthly recap from the worker and my facebook snooping). I have to stop snooping and let it be a mystery. We only have 4 more months more than of reports til she graduates in May unless she elects to stay in care until college.
How do you become a person again? How do you not know about your child? I don't remember who I was? The last ten years have been all about putting our fires, staying ahead of this child, counseling, meetings, etc. Trying to navigate the foster care system etc. I dk what to say to my husband. we always had to have our talk time about the kids. who am I if I am not the mother of a RAD child trying to navigate it all?
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if you can't go to a class get on pinterest & find projects. Craftsy has online classes.
Sit down & make a list of all the things you liked to do before you got her.
Think of it as a bucket list...separate into small things, big things & insane things. Find at least 50.
Then focus, start a blog about you goals for the year & what you are doing. You will be OK you're just shell shocked. The silence is deafening when a RAD kid moves out.
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Well it is Easter and I hate holidays now. I wonder if she even thinks of us. WE just had our call with her worker and she is doing wonderful, big turn around. LOL her worker still hasn't gotten used to the cycles. It will not last. I hate to feel mad she is doing well. Talk about guilt.
Trying to get into running, juicing, maybe reading more. I have no kids really left to raise so I dk what to do with myself. Will be glad when grandbaby gets here.
Glad to hear from you, Sass. I'm glad you have found some things you enjoy. I always think that "wind in my hair" creates a certain release and escape, and running can do that for you. Keep looking for activities that you enjoy.
What did you love as a child? What was that thing you always wanted to try?
How is your husband faring? Are you on the same page now?
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Funny you should ask that. We were but now we aren't. With her graduating and getting dismissed from care next month he has panicked that she is going to just disappar. He friended her on facebook and talked to her via facebook. I found out via facebook not from him.I am pissed beyond belief. especially since within the last month she has told me she hoped I died a slow painful death and publicly trash talked me on facebook.He can't understand why I am upset. In their conversation she told him he was the only one she made a connection with and did I know she was talking to him didn't want to get him in trouble. Did he defend me? Nope just danced around it. He can't get why i am incredibly hurt and upset. No I don't want her to disappear an we not know what has happened to her. I do love her but I can't excuse what she did or her behavior. And really? Does he think she is going to tell him the truth about her life anyway? She always sugar coats it.
Funny you should ask that. We were but now we aren't. With her graduating and getting dismissed from care next month he has panicked that she is going to just disappar. He friended her on facebook and talked to her via facebook. I found out via facebook not from him.
I am pissed beyond belief. especially since within the last month she has told me she hoped I died a slow painful death and publicly trash talked me on facebook.
He can't understand why I am upset. In their conversation she told him he was the only one she made a connection with and did I know she was talking to him didn't want to get him in trouble. Did he defend me? Nope just danced around it.
He can't get why i am incredibly hurt and upset. No I don't want her to disappear an we not know what has happened to her. I do love her but I can't excuse what she did or her behavior. And really? Does he think she is going to tell him the truth about her life anyway? She always sugar coats it.
Hey Sass,
Graduation is coming (or already arrived, depending on your location). How are you doing? How is husband doing? How are you doing collectively?
Just wanted you to know I was thinking of you this month, and I wish things weren't so hard. There are three other families in my "real" life right now going through very similar things with their teen adopted RAD daughters and I see how firsthand how hard it is, specifically on their mothers, who in all but one case have been throughly villianized and triangulated against. I wish more people understood and supported them rather than the uninformed help which is actually harmful interfering and enabling.
I just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and really hoping that you and hubby can get back on the same page again.
Sass....Just wanted to let you know that I too have been thinking of you and hope that things are getting better.
You "WIN" when you start enjoying your life again. Day by day you put the pieces of your RAD life behind you and you only do it by putting love and joy back into your days present and future. Day by day and step by step.
Hugs.
SM
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Ahh thank so much. WEll graduation came and went. She is supposed to be discharged from care on Tuesday but now there is a problem. She is requesting to remain in care an additional two weeks because she blew all of her paycheck on belly button piercing, belly rings and a bikini. And this child is going out on her own!
Clearly essentials :rolleyes:
Hang in there...more than likely this will happen constantly. Turns out the big bad "adults" aren't so adult when it comes to fending for themselves.
I just put my 19 year old out for his crazy shenanigans...per reports from friends he's a mess. he's going to have a really sucky year with his stellar life choices.
However peace has taken over the house.
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It's only temporary. They won't help her forever and she'll get thrown out. I'm sure she will reach out to you in the future. It took one of my kids 16 months and another one 2 years, but they all eventually called. Pray, pray, pray. Hopefully God will open her heart to what she needs...her family!