5 year old adopted daughter stealing!

Stealing is a symptom of RAD. Doesn't mean that's necessarily what's going on, but foster kids are at high risk of attachment disorder. You owe it to yourself to read Nancy Thomas's book, When Love is Not Enough. She has fabulous, practical suggestions of what to do with specific behaviors. She also has wonderful DVD's and videos and audiotapes. Another great book is Parenting the Hurt Child by Gregory Keck and Regina Kupecky. The Love and Logic series will give you a game plan so you don't go mad, LOL! Hang in there!

Tybeemarie,Thanks. When I first heard of RAD I thought it was only those children who did not bond. A2 is totally the opposite! She is very outgoing and doesn't know a stranger. (Which really worries me -- she has no discretion) After reading these boards, I've learned that it is both extremes. I believe that she may fit the description of nondiscriminatory (sp) attachment.I plan on calling a therapist tomorrow to see what they can tell me.Also I just today got two video tapes on Love and Logic from the library. I will watch them this weekend and hopefully get some insight from them.I will check into the books also.I appreciate the advice.

It's might be likely she might also be imitating a behavior she observed, depending on her history and how long she's been with you. I watched a four-year-old boy who had just come into care for several hours; he conducted a mock drug deal with my two-year-old! But, he was pulled out of a home with a drug dealer present.... Stealing is also an issue that some kids deal with, at one time or another. My 13-year-old started doing this at age six and nothing we seemed to do stopped the behavior. Finally, on my father's advice and in a basically desparate last-straw, we arranged to have a police officer speak to her. I was with her, but the sight of a six foot tall officer in uniform made a big impression on her. He spoke to her about the consequences of stealing and showed her where people who do bad things and break the law have to live. It was basically a tour of the town police station, but it worked. I wouldn't recommend going to such extremes for a foster child, as this is "my" child and had nothing to do with social services. In the end, it turned out my daughter was imitating a behavior she saw by a classmate, who was in foster care. She just figured if she wanted it, it was there for the taking, so why not take it. We had similar items disappear, my make-up, some of my husband's tools, etc. When I was four, I took my wagon all over the apartment complex we lived in, collecting most recent deliveries of Reader's Digest Condensed novels (It was 1970). When my parents got home, I had a whole load waiting for them to open. Mom promptly marched me back around the neighborhood, redelivering those packages and making me apologize. That was a lesson I never forgot. I hope your fd will overcome this and will keep her in prayer.

KIKI, How funny! :D Your daughter came by her stealing naturally!! It was in the genes! :p Just kidding. LUVBEINGMOMMY, I had a 6 year old foster daughter that had a problem with stealing. She told me at one point during one of our conversations that when she would go shopping with her birth parents, they would have her sit in the shopping cart and made her stay seated in the big part of the cart with her coat or a jacket or large sweater on. When they found something they wanted, they'd stick it in her jacket. She said they made her sit very still and they would take the stuff out of her coat when they got out to the car. :mad: So, depending on your little one's history--who knows! But, I was raised by the best parents in the whole world, and one day my friend came to my house with her tanning lotion, which I (at the ripe old age of about 5) thought was something I must need, so I pushed it under my bed and when she got up to leave, I "helped" her look for it and we "just couldn't seem to find it". :o Of course my mom found it later and we gave it back to my "friend."

My 7 year old starting stealing when she was 4. Her first incident was at a local super market. I marched her right back into the store and made her return the item to the manager. Each time she took something, she had to return it to the person she stole it from. Eventually she stopped. I was so embarassed when she stole from friends and family. I made her earn her freedom back and eventually she stopped. My daughter has ADHD. Part of ADHD is having lack on control with impulses. Once she started on the right med...she never took anything again! Good luck and hang in there....

i have done with cyndee had done.....i want my son, who does steal, to really feel the consequence of stealing. i think its common for some kids in the system to steal, and why wouldnt they, everything that they have even known was stolen from them.....

Thanks for the replies everyone! :) This is my adopted daughter who came into my home as a foster child at the age of three. I would not be surprised if she was made to steal for her bparents.She has been with us for 2 1/2 years (adoption final 09/30/04! :D) and this is just now happening, but she also just started kindergarten. I don't know if that is a factor.The last item she stole was a bracelet from a classmate. I went to her school yesterday and had her give it back and appologize in front of the class. She does know that it is wrong. That is a huge step. Kiki,I do have a close friend from church who is a detective with the PD who has offered to help. He says it will probably "scare the snot out of her". But it would probably work!

It would "scare the snot" out of her. As cold as it sounds, I don't regret the actions I took with my daughter. The stealing lasted for several weeks, and I was just at my wits end because she didn't "get it." Now, she doesn't so much as take a price tag off the floor of a department store and is watchful of her sibs. The police officer was very nice and told me he was happy to intervene, and thankful a parent was willing to nip it before it became a problem. He took my daughter aside and told her that children and teens who steal are taken away from their "warm beds, teddy bears, Barbie dolls, nice clothes, schools, and all their friends and have to go live in the state school." He was talking about hard core cases, but it made an impression on her she's never forgotten. The officer thanked me for taking time to teach my kid morals. I was told, "If more parents cared this way, my job would be easier." Oh, and after the ride to the police station, we visited the outside of the local prison. I stopped outside and showed her where "bad people" have to live. She saw the high walls and barbed wire and decided that wasn't the choice she wanted to make. Her big thing was, she was curious about what "prison food" is like. She ate bread that night and had lots of butter on it, with water. Of course, an hour later, she decided she wanted real food and ate soup and such. Sadly, however, I have a 13-year-old niece who just got caught shoplifting in the base PX overseas. Her mom didn't take it lightly, but I'm worried it will happen again. I do tell my children if they make such choices, please don't expect me to bail them out or make the rest of the family suffer for their actions. I'd stand by them, but I won't attempt to save them from the consequences of their actions. My folks never did, and I think I'm a better, more responsible person for it.

I also have a 5-year-old who developed the "sticky fingers" syndrome with stealing a couple of times at a prior foster home and then with me. Each time it was after being told "no" to something she was wanting... but she doesn't steal every time she's told "no." The first 2 times she stole I made her tell the store manager that she stole and gave it back, along with an apology, and when she stole money from my niece I not only made her give it back but I made her do my niece's chores for her (cleaning up my niece's room since we were at their house). She hated having to do this but I made her, tears and all. I told her then that if she ever stole again then we'd have to talk to a police officer. Well, she stole again in a grocery store months later so I took her to the local police station (5 minutes away) right then and there. One of the officers was great with her. He got down on her level and explained to her why stealing was wrong and why the police don't like it when anyone steals, just as I don't like it when she steals. He then took her and showed her the holding cell and one look of that with the no TV, bare bed, open potty and no toys really caught her attention. That was almost 6 months ago and now when I tell her no to something she says "I won't steal it because I promised that police man that I would never steal because I don't want him to put me in that jail."