Jewish day school in Maryland

I'm a HUGE fan of the Charles E. Smith Jewish Day School, which goes from kindergarten through grade 12 on two campuses in Rockville, MD. It accepts Jews of all varieties, from the most secular to the most religious, but its general outlook is Conservative. My daughter, whom I adopted from China when she was 18.5 mo. old and I was single and "only" 51, has been going there since kindergarten. She is ten now and in fifth grade. The school is HUGE -- for example, there were eight kindergarten classes and there are six fifth grades -- so I was worried that my daughter would get lost in the shuffle. But from day one, she walked in like she owned the place; it just felt right for her. And all the staff make a huge effort to get to know the children. If Becca walks in the front door, someone will greet her by name and ask how her dog is, or something. The school day is divided into two main components. About half the day is taught in English, by typical American teachers. And about half the day is taught in Hebrew, by Israelis. For the youngest children, one classroom has an English teacher, an English teacher's aide, a Hebrew teacher, and a Hebrew teacher's aide. There is no changing classes except for things like computer lab, science, art, music, and P.E. In the older grades, the children begin to change classes more. As an example, my daughter has one teacher for English and social studies, another for enrichment math, another for Hebrew, and then others for all the specials, including English and Hebrew computer labs. Her schedule is unique to her -- very much as it will be in high school. In the youngest grades, the children learn all their basic secular subjects in English, and their Hebrew class is reserved for modern Hebrew, an introduction to Biblical Hebrew, studies of the Jewish holidays, studies about the prayers, and so on. As the kids get older, they begin to get some secular material in their Hebrew classes. In third grade, for example, Becca learned to do Excel graphs in Hebrew computer lab, with Hebrew software! This year, in conjunction with her Hebrew class studies of Sh'mot (Exodus), she is doing a research project on Egyptian writing, partly in English and partly in Hebrew. English subjects are generally taught in heterogeneous groups, although there are classes for enrichment math and for kids who need a lot of help with math. In Hebrew, however, homogeneous grouping begins in third grade. This is necessary, as the children are of very varied backgrounds. There are the Israeli diplomats' kids from the Embassy, who speak Hebrew at home. There are the kids with one Israeli parent, who know some Hebrew. There are the typical American kids who are all over the map with what they know of Hebrew language. And there are kids from places like the former Soviet Union, who know nothing of Hebrew at all. There is also an "Ulpan" to bring transfer students up to speed with Hebrew. I had some concern that the focus on Hebrew would cause some decrease in the quality of the English teaching. However, I should not have worried. In general, the curriculum is that of Montgomery County, Maryland, one of the best school systems in the country. However, having observed kids who go to our neighborhood school in Gaithersburg, when they do homework with my daughter, I can easily see that Becca's classes are further ahead and doing more challenging work. I also had some concern about whether there was enough diversity, given that Becca is non-White. Well, again, I shouldn't have worried. As an example, in her second grade class, there were 18 students, four of whom (including Becca) were non-White. She and one other girl were Chinese daughters of older Jewish single Moms. One girl was, along with her family, a refugee from Eritrea, a country adjacent to Ethiopia, which had a Black Jewish community, although most of the Jews are now in Israel or the U.S. because of the civil war there. The fourth girl had a Black Mom who converted to Judaism at age 18 and, some years later, married a Jewish man. No, the teachers -- especially the Israelis -- are not all that savvy about adoption. However, since I worked in the adoption advocacy field for a while, my daughter was used to hearing discussions about the topic. When questions were asked, her teachers tell me, she would gladly educate people about the one-child policy and poverty in China, or talk about birthparents and abandonment. And I was able to monitor assignments and suggest ways in which my daughter could respond to things such as a request for baby pictures. The school is definitely expensive. No, it doesn't cost as much as Sidwell Friends or some of the top ranked secular private schools in the DC area. But it's up there. And scholarship money isn't all that readily available, especially for first year students. A lot of the scholarships go to the children of immigrants from places like Russia and Ethiopia. And the school puts most of its money into staff, programs, and facilities. The two campuses are extremely modern and well-equipped. You mentioned the bus. We lived in DC when Becca first started school, and she took the bus, since I needed to go downtown every day. I was very worried, since Becca was only four when she first started kindergarten, and very tiny. Well, I talked about my fears to the bus supervisor, an older Jewish woman who is parenting her grandchildren. She urged me not to worry, because my daughter had Mr. Koke for a bus driver. Of course, I worried, but I soon saw what she meant. Mr. Koke was a saint. Becca would fall asleep on the bus on the way home, and he would tenderly carry her off and hand her to me or the babysitter. He was a real plus in helping her adjust -- and in me not being so nervous! There are several bus routes. I'm not sure if any go out to Howard County, but you can check with Mrs. Lee. If not, the admissions folks will be able to tell you if there are other families out your way, with whom you can make carpool arrrangements. If some of the kids go to the Upper School campus (7th to 12th grade) and some go to the Lower School campus (K-6), there is a shuttle from one to the other. You do have to apply to the school and not every child is admitted. The children will be screened for kindergarten readiness, both individually and in a group. Becca found the process very non-threatening, and I guess she did fine, as she was admitted. I had been concerned that she might be a bit young, since she had an October birthday, but she turned out to be a bit ahead of the game in maturity and skills. The school's big weakness, according to many parents, is that it does not do its best with kids who have learning, emotional, or other issues. This may change, as the school has new leadership. But I think this is a problem in many private schools, which tend to select the kids who seem most likely to succeed. No school is right for every child. But I must say that JDS is right for us. No kid ever admits to loving school. But when I asked Becca, in the course of our move from DC to Gaithersburg, whether she would like to attend the local public school instead, her response was a horrified, "BUT WHAT ABOUT THE HEBREW?" Becca loves JDS and has done absolutely incredibly well there. We're believers! Please feel free to ask questions. If you will email me at sak9645@starpower.net, I will send you my phone number, so you can call me if you prefer. Sharon

Aleea, I would second the JDS rec -- we have some friends who send their kids there, and are very happy. I also have a friend who switched her kids from JDS to JPDS -- let me see if I can get the scoop for you. We're going to be in the same position soon. For us, it's all soooo far away (long commute form the district, especially when my DH and I both work in the district, but it's important to us. Where does your DD go to preschool? I'm really curious about the new Jewish Montessori school in Bethesda, but don't know anyone who sends their kids there... And, YIKES, are these places expensive. Best,NicOne other thing I should mention -- I haven't inquired into this, but someone from our shul, which is conservative, adopted from Russia and told us that some of the Day Schools wouldn't let her kids in because they were adopted conservative. I don't know which schools, but I would be suprpised if it were JDS or JPDS. It also may have been because her kids were old enough to know that they were born Christian and converted when they were adopted.

Thanks for your replies.I have a couple more questions here...Is there a waiting list for JDS? DD just turned 3 last week. Am I just getting ahead of myself? Since she has a late b-day, I think I'd like to have her "screened" early for kindergarten (between her 4th and 5th b-day), she's developmentally ahead (no parental bias there).She's currently attending a local day care, she's been there since she was a baby. They go up to kindergarten I'd like to keep her there until she starts kindergarten. They're really wonderful. They have an age appropriate educational program, which is why she's ahead. She knows all her letters and numbers and is trying to read. Since it's a conservative school, would it be a problem that DH is not Jewish (he's not religious at all, his mother sends us Christmas presents, that's about as far as it goes). He's totally fine w/ dd growing up Jewish though.It's funny that you guys mention immigrants from the former Soviet Union. My family moved here from the Ukraine when I was 10. I attended a Jewish Day school in FL for 2 years and it was a great experience, that's why I feel so strongly about dd getting a Jewish education. I was one of their scholarship students, at that time tuition cost more than what my mom made in a month. They really helped a lot, down to donating school supplies, which we could not afford. Anyways, here I go again rambling on. Thank you so much for replying to me. Aleea (my Hebrew name).

I don't think JDS keeps a waiting list. I think you apply in the year your child is 4. As I recall, I filled out an application, met with the admissions people, brought Becca to an afternoon session where the children were evaluated, and got word that she was accepted. Part of the evaluation was done with a group of kids together. A grownup read a story and then asked some questions. Others watched to see how the kids behaved during the story and if they seemed to be following what was going on. I don't really remember the rest, except that my daughter didn't seem stressed by it, and seemed to enjoy it. Becca actually started school when she was four because her birthdate is in October. At that time, the cutoff was December 31. However, I vaguely remember the school considering moving the cutoff back to August 31, so you will want to talk to the school folks. Here's the way the website explains the enrollment process: "Parents interested in enrollment may call the Admissions Office to receive material and to make an appointment to tour the School.

You may also fill out our online inquiry form in order to receive enrollment materials.

Additionally there is a Lower School evening Open House. We encourage parents to visit and learn about our many exciting programs.

Applications must be submitted by January 18. After that date, applications are taken on a rolling basis, depending on space availability. When school records and teacher recommendations are received, a screening date is scheduled (kindergarten and first grade) or a classroom visit and testing in reading, math and Hebrew (grades 2-6)." I feel pretty sure that there are children of interfaith marriages at the school. I am not absolutely sure, however. You should ask this question when you request information. If your child had been biological, he/she would have been Jewish, even under Orthodox law, because you are Jewish; it wouldn't have mattered that your husband was non-Jewish. But since you have a child by adoption, I don't know whether she has to be converted in a mikvah for the school to consider her Jewish. My daughter went to the mikvah at Adas Israel, which is Conservative, so I never had to deal with this. (We would have had a problem at an Orthodox school, since we used a Conservative mikvah and female rabbis.) My guess is that the school is open on this topic, since it accepts all Jews, and many Reform rabbis feel that immersion is not necessary, if the family plans to raise an adopted child as a Jew. The issue might be one of your family's commitment to raise your child as a Jew. However, the school is very liberal about what "raising your child as a Jew" means, so I doubt that it would be a problem. As an example, the SCHOOL observes Shabbat strictly. It doesn't ask whether you do, and most of the families we know do not. However, it asks that you not give birthday parties on Shabbat if other JDS kids will be invited, since some may not be able to ride, etc. The school observes Kashrut strictly. It doesn't ask whether you do, and I know that many of the kids eat at McDonald's. However, on days when your child brings a lunch, it must be Kosher and dairy or pareve. And if you bring in cupcakes for a class party, they must be from a recognized Kosher bakery (such as Shalom's or Katz's) or have an acceptable "hechsher" (symbol of Kosher certification). You cannot bring in home-made food for other kids to consume, even if you say your kitchen is Kosher, since not all families have the same standard of Kashrut. The school closes on all the Jewish holidays when working is not permitted. It doesn't ask whether you go to synagogue. However, at school, there is compulsory participation in t'filah (prayers). As an example, the fifth graders go to the Beit Midrash every day, and read from an all-Hebrew prayerbook. I think you need to be sure that your HUSBAND will be comfortable with having his child in a Jewish day school. When he comes to school, he will be asked to wear a kippah in the building. There will be times students will invite parents to a prayer service, and the majority of the men will know the prayers. And so on. You need to be sure that he will not feel awkward and left out. Sharon

Nik, I think that the adopted kids who weren't welcome at Jewish day schools were applying to Orthodox ones. The issue does not relate to what religion the child was taught in his/her birth country. The issue relates to the nature of the child's conversion to Judaism, if any. Very few internationally adopted children come from Jewish birth families. Sometimes, the religion of the birthfamily is known to be non-Jewish. And sometimes, it is easy to guess that the religion of the birthparents was not Jewish. For example, there aren't many Chinese Jews, so even though my daughter was abandoned, and her birthparents are unknown, it is assumed she did not have Jewish birthparents. Most Reform rabbis say that an adopted child is Jewish if either of his/her birthparents was Jewish. Conservative and Orthodox rabbis (and a few holdout Reform ones) say that an adopted child is Jewish only if his/her birthmother was Jewish. Some (though not all) Reform rabbis say that if a non-Jewish child comes into a Jewish family that plans to raise him/her as a Jew, then it is not necessary for him/her to go to a mikvah or have a formal conversion ceremony. A boy needs to have a brit milah if he was not circumcised prior to adoption, but that's all. (And many Reform rabbis do not require any particular ceremony if the boy WAS circumcised, but non-ritually). Conservative and Orthodox rabbis, however, and some Reform rabbis, do feel that he/she must be converted in a mikvah before he/she can be considered Jewish, can become Bar or Bat Mitzvah, can marry a Jewish person, etc. Conservative rabbis are comfortable with any conversion that is done in a Kosher mikvah. And they are comfortable with the required witnesses being either male or female rabbis. Any child converted in a Kosher mikvah, with the required ritual and witnesses, will be considered fully Jewish in the eyes of the Conservative community, and eligible to participate fully in the Jewish community. (Boys, of course, must have brit milah or, if previous circumcised non-ritually, hatafat dam brit, before conversion.) Orthodox rabbis, however, will not accept a conversion that is not done in an Orthodox mikvah, with Orthodox male rabbis/scholars as witnesses. And most will not accept for Orthodox conversion any child who will not be raised in an Orthodox home. Therefore, even if a Conservative person wanted to have an Orthodox conversion for his/her child, he/she might not be able to find an Orthodox mikvah or group of rabbis that would arrange it. So if an adopted child who did not have a Jewish mother either did not go to mikvah or went to a non-Orthodox mikvah, he/she would not be considered Jewish by an Orthodox rabbi. And an Orthodox school will generally not admit a child who is not considered to be Jewish. The Charles E. Smith Jewish Day School is Conservative in its orientation. However, it welcomes all members of the Washington area Jewish community. The families at the school run the gamut from secular Israelis to people who observe Shabbat strictly. The Moms include a few very traditional married women who wear longish skirts and cover their heads -- and a few modern lesbians raising children with their partners. Because the school is non-Orthodox, it does not expect adopted children to have had Orthodox conversions, though some of the kids at school surely have had them. I do not know for certain whether the school, being Consevative, requires at least a Conservative conversion, or whether it will accept a child whose Reform parents were advised that mikvah wasn't necessary. The school is open to all segments of the Jewish community, so it may well accept the child who was not converted in a mikvah, but I cannot be sure. Having taken my daughter into the mikvah at Adas Israel, a Conservative synagogue, I must say that the ceremony is full of very powerful symbolism. I practically shouted the blessings as I completed the dunking of my daughter and she was "born" as a Jew. I felt that I was participating in a ritual that bound her more tightly to me, to my family, to my ancestors and to the Jewish community. I, personally, would urge Jewish adoptive parents of all stripes to consider mikvah in some form. Even the Orthodox agree that you don't actually need a mikvah in a building. Any body of "living waters" -- such as the ocean -- can be a Kosher mikvah. So some families may well want to design an outdoor ceremony -- weather permitting -- that will give them the sense of "birthing" their child as a Jew. Many families are so scared about brit milah that they can't relax and enjoy the occasion that brings their adopted sons into the covenant. And, of course, adopted daughters don't have anything like brit milah. So mikvah is often a much more comfortable way to say, "We've done all the adoption and readoption and citizenship and Social Security stuff. So we know you are ours. But we want to bind you tightly, not just to us, but to our family, our community, and Jews throughout time and all over the world." Sharon

Nik, One more thing. My daughter went to preschool at Ohr Kodesh, a Conservative synagogue in Chevy Chase. I belonged to Temple Sinai, a Reform congregation in D.C. when Becca came home. My Reform rabbi made the arrangement for Becca to be converted in the mikvah at Adas Israel. And Becca was named at Temple Sinai. Temple Sinai has a great, accredited preschool. However, it was a part-day program. As a single, working Mom, that wasn't something I could use. Ohr Kodesh actually had two separate preschools at the time. The one we used was OK Full Day. It was truly amazing. It promoted independence and self-reliance, which my daughter really needed to learn, and had a wide range of developmentally appropriate activities. The other preschool was a part-day program. The two were run totally separately, with different directors. It was also said to be good, though I have no personal knowledge of it. The woman who was director of the full-day program when Becca was there has now left. She married -- in a ceremony the class attended -- and now is raising a child. She was a graduate of the Charles E. Smith Jewish Day School, and encouraged me to consider it for Becca. Sharon

Sharon,Thank you again for your replies.My daughter is actually homemade, so I guess that makes her Jewish. We do hope to adopt from Guatemala in the future (when I get a decent job... whole other rant).You bring up a good point about dh being comfortable w/ dd being in a Jewish school. He's fine w/ her getting a Jewish education, I take her to children's activities at our temple. He however, doesn't feel very comfortable in a religious environment. I don't think he'd mind wearing a kippa, but I don't know about going to a prayer service. It has nothing to do w/ Judaism, he's just not very comfortable in a religious setting. I guess it's time for another talk.Thanks again,Aleea

It is so interesting to read all of your posts. We live in Northern Virginia. Our son does not go to a JDS, although we looked into him attending Gesher JDS. (Transportation was an issue). He was converted by having his brit milah when we brought him home and by going to the mikvah also at Adas Israel when he was 5 months old. We currently belong to a Reform synagogue, Temple Beth Torah in Centreville. He has been attending Sunday School there since he was three, and loves it. He is particulary intrigued when the Rabbi comes in to talk to the class. While JDS are a wonderful thing, do make certain that your husband is truly comfortable with this. Without being completely immersed in the school, kids can get a great Jewish education and social life through their shul.

Sharon, that's too funny. We're members of OK. We always assumed we'd use the Full Day preschool, until the Jewish Montessori school in Bethesda opened, and now we'll be considering both. :-) It's a really nice "problem" to have. The conversion issue isn't a problem for us... we will have an orthodox conversion. I was raised orthodox, and much of my family is still hasidic, so it's more for family reasons then anything else that we've chosen an orthodox conversion (my husband was raised reform). I was just relaying one woman's experience regarding the problems she had at some of the area day schools (and actually, she is an OK member as well). But yes, I'm familiar with mikvah (and will put in a plug for the gorgeous new mikvah that opened in Georgetown near Kesher -- it's really so much nicer then the other local ones that I've seen, though I've never been to Adas' or any other conservative mikvah). I have to say, tho, I'm a lot less nervous about the Brit now that we're adopting from Guatemala, and with any luck will be able to have the Brit when our baby is around 6 months old -- rather then having a Brit of a year+ child, which was what the baby was that we were expecting to have (lost referral after visit trip in Russia -- devastating). BTW, since you mention that you adopted from China, have you read The Bamboo Cradle? Anyway, small world :-)

ThenTheyDo, Yes, I have read "The Bamboo Cradle." It was a heartwarming story, though many people don't like it because it is very judgmental about the non-Orthodox. Some also don't like it because of the scene in which the writer takes the statue given to him by his Chinese housekeeper and throws it into the ocean. For me, the book reminds me of an amazing event that occurred on my way to China to get my daughter. Several of us from my travel group were on a Korean Air flight to Hong Kong. During a refueling stop in Seoul, some new passengers boarded the flight. One of the passengers was an American Orthodox Jew. He was wearing a business suit and a kippah. I don't know how he found out about my group, because we were in coach and he was in first class. But somehow, he heard that there were some people on board who were going to China to adopt. He found us, and began to talk with us. As it turned out, the man spoke fluent Chinese. He said that he did business in China and Korea. He told us that, back before China tightened its adoption rules, he had actually helped a few families adopt. He was very supportive of adoption. He had some boxes of fine chocolates (with a hechsher, of course), which he distributed to everyone. He learned that I was the only Jewish person from our group who was on the plane. (The other Jewish person in the group had traveled on another airline.) He told me that he sometimes wore Hassidic attire, but that he tended to wear American style clothing when working in Asia. He was the first person to translate my daughter's Chinese name into English, and even verified the translation by talking with some other Chinese passengers. He asked me if I would like to have my daughter converted and named in Hong Kong, where he had ties with one of the Orthodox synagogues. He appeared genuinely disappointed when I said that I had airplane tickets that I couldn't change, and really felt that I needed to stay with some of my group. He asked me my name, and I told him. He asked my daughter's name, and I wrote it in Hebrew and English. He asked where I lived, and if he could contact me after I returned home, to see how my daughter and I were doing. I gave him my address. When we arrived in Hong Kong, he disappeared, and I never saw him again. However, although I had been very scared about my impending adoption, I realized that I was suddenly much calmer, with a very strange feeling of having been "approved" by a Higher Power. I am a very rational person, but I kept thinking about Elijah, who is associated with children; for example, at a brit milah, there is a special chair for Elijah. When I arrived home, and gathered in my two weeks worth of mail, I found a copy of the book, "The Bamboo Cradle." No return address. Just the man's name. And one morning, when Becca and I were still groggy and jet lagged, my phone rang. A man's voice asked, "How are you and Rebecca doing?" It was the man, again. We had a brief conversation. And he hung up. Somehow, the man's name has disappeared from my memory. He said he was married and lived in the Midwest; that's all I remember. Some guy from the Midwest? Or Elijah? I'll leave it to you to decide. Sharon

Oh, Sharon! That's just beautiful. Thank you for sharing... I have the chills :-)

Sharon, you don't know me at all, but I just had to jump in and say what a beautiful story that is, it brought tears to my eyes. I am in the process of adopting domestically in Houston, and just found out there was a Jewish section here at forums.adoption.com! Melissa =)

Welcome to the forums, Melliemoo, and thank you for your kind words. Best wishes with your adoption. Please feel free to PM me if you want to talk. Sharon

Sharon - That was such a beautiful story! Thanks for sharing.