Mixed Messages

Hi. I am getting mixed messages from the amom and my bdaughter. My bdaughter is now 15 yrs old and told me to call as much as I wanted to. We have always had an open adoption, I didn't push a relationship when she was younger because I wanted to give their family space to grow as a family unit-- for my daughter's sake--. Although they came to visit me about 3 times and I went to visit them twice over the corse of about 13 years, nothing was ever scheduled or expected. Well after hearing those words from my bdaughter I called twice in one week. The Amom called me and told me she thought it would be best if I didn't call any more. She gave me no reason why and when I attempted to explain that I wouldn't call so often, I only called twice that week because it was arranged with bdaughter she shut me off and said just don't call us. So I cried. Many tears, but I didn't call. I figured there was more going on than I knew, and that this Amom knew what was best. I get a call from my bdaughter while she is babysitting and she begs me to call her. She tells me it's ok and her mom said I could call, and wondered why I didn't call.... I explained to her that I would write her letters but the last I heard that I wasn't allowed to call so I wouldn't, But that I loved her unconditionally and would write to her more often, also that she was allowed to call me whenever she wanted to. the Amom said that I was a horrible influence on the child and since she had dialed the wrong number a few times to try and reach me and some guy answered she said, "I don't even know HOW MANY MEN you have over there but You are a bad person and I don't think that sort of influence is beneficial" Actually I told her to check her phone records, which I am sure she did, and I never heard another word about it. For the record I am happily married with 5 children of my own and have been for several years.So I started writing her letters and the amom called me up and threatened a protection order against me! I know what your thinking.... I must have done or said something that seriously upset the child, that would be the only reason for this threat... but I promise you I did nothing wrong. I was only supportive of her family and even kept my letters as superficial as I could just to keep it light, since I knew there was growing tension. I explained to the amom that I meant no harm and was only doing what I thought that the child wanted. The amom said "well I'll talk to MY daughter and get back to you" and she said it in such a sneering way. What a jab at my heart. it still brings tears to my eyes. I haven't done anything to upset their family, ever. Only support it and yet she lashes out at me like this. I tried to take it in stride and think that maybe she was insecure, and I should be very careful.Well a few weeks passed and finally the Amom decided I could write again, so I did. She said that she would leave the communication up to the child from now on. I figured that would be great, since she was telling me she wanted to hear from me, etc. So I started writing again, again, keeping the letters light. Then I let two months pass and called up the Amom to talk with her. I thought long and hard about everything she was going through and wanted to tell her that I was sorry if I had offended her in anyway. I wanted to attempt to mend the relationship between the amom and I. I wanted to show my bdaughter that we can all get along and her life is better and she is where she is supposed to be. The Amom was silent for a few minutes. She then told me that now isn't the time, and she would rather not get to know me. She said that everything that has happened has actualy harmed my relationship with my bdaughter and that she is recieving all of my letters but "Chooses" not to respond to them. The Mixed Message is here:My other children email her. She sends them emails begging us to come visit. She writes them letters mentions how her mom said we can ALL come visit and stay as long as we want... she said she wants us to and thinks I am stopping us from coming to visit. My children fwd the emails to me and hollar to come see what she wrote, etc. It's full of I love yous and I miss yous. I know I have to respect the amom even tho she says that the communication is up to the child, I think she is intimidating my bdaughter to not talk to me. I don't want to make her life hard for her, she has only 3 years left until she is 18. She is old enough and smart enough to know what is going on. Still, My heart aches for my bdaughter and the situation she is in. It was never supposed to be this way, and it all started because I called twice in one week. *sigh* I just don't understand this past maybe the amom is insecure. But I haven't given her any reason to be. I have this sick feeling that every time I write to my bdaughter she gets in trouble. Yet she emails my other children and says she appreciates the letters I send. Such a mixed message. I don't know what to do. It's really painful.