Ouch, my first comment!

Tracey, It is okay to vent and have your feelings hurt or be iritated; however, there is a huge difference in a grown person making nasty comments, which I have definitely had my share of, and a child's young mind inquiring. Now you have to prepare yourself and your daughter for an appropriate and confident way to educate others, especially children on these questions that she will soon enough answer on her own. My dd got her first question from a much bigger AA kid at just after two; granted they had been talking for a bit (and she often references things in terms of Human Body talk.) Child: Is that your mother? dd: Yes. Child: Why is she white and you are black? dd: Because I am adopted, and black people have more melanin than white people do. Child: Oh, let's go on the high bars.

Red, I love that conversation!

Was with a black friend of mine in a shop and a little girl of 3 or 4 asked her mother why my friend was dirty! The mother was mortified but my friend took it in his stride as he was the only black man in the small rural town and thought that the child had probably never seen anyone black close up.

imagine what a comment like that (about being dirty) would do to a child! tracy, I suspect it's the first of many comments that you and your child will have to deal with. It will become old for both of you, but red's right, having a ready response makes it easier to take. Since I didn't match my mom either, I have to say that as a child, often the intent didn't matter. the constant drone pointing out difference wore on me as well. but I learned that my canned response made it slightly easier to move on and continue whatever I was doing.

I've decided to make a list of 101 ignorant things people say to me. The first two so far were: I had one lady ask me if my AA daughter had naturally curly hair! Go figure that one out! Dh and I are CC and both our kids are AA. I had one lady ask me if I was going to tell my kids if there were adopted! I think the best thing to do is just educate so that people will not be so ignorant

I got a lot of similar comments last year when Hannah and I would go to school to pick up her big sister. Now my older daughter is 11, so her peers understood (better) but there was a kindergarten class next to hers and the little ones were very confused. Try not to let it get to you, this is your future :)

I had a little girl at church last night ask me why my baby was so tan. I told her quite calmly that it was because his birth father was African American. She looked at me funny and then asked her mom what a birth father was..... I guess I needed to make it more age appropriate...

Cory has had his first comments this school year. He is my bio son. #1 When I was picking him up from the school aftercare a little boy asked him why sometimes a white guy picks him up and sometimes a brown guy. Cory explained that the brown guy is his father and the white guy was his step father. Cory then started this whole explanantion of step parents and the boy said Ok OK. #2This one upset me because the mother stood their the whole time and did not jump in. Again I was picking up Cory from aftercare. A little girl about 8-10 was also being picked up at the sametime. She turned to Cory and asked if I was his mother. He said yes and the little girl said that there is no way I can be his mother. Cory said again that I was. The little girl then continued to say I couldn't be because I was white and he was black. The mother stood a watched this whole thing. I thought she would step in and tell her daughter that she was wrong, but no I had to. I told her that I am Cory's mother. I explained that Brown children can have white parents if the other parent is brown like Cory's dad or if they are adopted. She then gave me a dirty look and walked away. The mother still did not say anything!!! Maybe the mother did not know how it was possible either???

Having the mom standing right there and not saying anything would have bothered me as well. Especially when you had given a good explanation and she chose not to confirm it. Hmmmmm Janet

Maureen, Ugh! I am just sorry. Talk to Cory about the Human Body. Next time he can tell inquisitors that his skin is brown because it has more melanin in it than your skin does; that is what my three year old uses, and it usually stops any further questions. :p

Thanks Red. I think I will do that. We have explained to Cory many times on why he is brown, but never in technical terms we usually talk about mixing paint colors. He is very smart and is six, but he has really been trying to understand everything lately. When my DH and I were trying to have a baby he specifically asked for a brown brother. That is when we started talking about paint colors and demoed it for him. Then about a year later we were talking about adoption and he said that he wanted me to have a baby. We explained that I am having troubles having a baby and that we are adopting and that we are going to be adopting a brown child. He thought that was great, but told me if we were to have a baby it would be brown also. We explained again and he said that they baby would be brown because hid dad is brown. That is when we really realized how confused Cory is. SO we have been talking a lot about his dad and me and my DH. I think it may be hard for him because his dad and I were never married and never lived together. I think he thinks that it is normal that we don't live together and assumes all my children will have his dad for a dad. BTW - We were matched with a AA baby boy last Tuesday. He was due on Jan. 27th, but was born last Thursday. We are so happy and brought home Treyson Josiah on Saturday. Everyone laughs that Cory got exactly what he asked for. Fate??

CONGRATULATONS on the new baby!!!!!

Quiescentfury, Congratulations on your new son and wow, what a fast match and homecoming! :clap: I wanted to also comment about it happening within families. My family is AA. My dad is very dark (think Wesley Snipes) and my mother is very pale. We have a rich ancestry of African, Native American and European roots. It wasn't uncommon for people to ask me, "What are you, anyway?" :eek:, especially when I was with my mother, who some assumed was white. My mother always told me to ignore them but they never gave me any words to use and I think that is very important. It's difficult for a young child to articulate a response AND also feel empowered by that response. If you dialogue it early AND often, they will find comfort in their responses and it will feel natural to them. I had to come up with my own witty responses and usually responded, "Hi! I'm frm Earth and am human. It's nice to meet you. I assume you're from the same?" :D Or I would just say that I, like most, am a little bit of everything......intelligent, giving, kind, friendly, outgoing, etc. Most people look at me like I'm crazy and I am usually wearing the dumbest, brightest grin you've ever seen. It's priceless. I remember being at a concert with my father (in which there were few blacks) and another brown child came over to have a conversation. I was about 10 and we introduced ourselves and she whispered that we had something in common. While our fathers were also talking, I noticed that they were the same complexion, so I figured that's what she meant. She then asked, "Don't you just hate it when people ask questions all the time about having a white mother?" That's when I had to smile and tell her that my mother was black. She didn't believe me. I guess she made an assumption based on my lighter complexion (that was like hers) and my father's dark one. I asked my dad to pull out his wallet and he gave it to me. I showed her a picture of my mother. Needless to say, she still didn't believe me. As I got older, I got used to the comments from people who weren't sure if I was black, mixed, native American or even from India or the islands. My family is a mixture of so many complexions that it's rarely discussed. We do, however, have to occasional milkman jokes between my cousins, as our children could be born with a host of complexions. I won't even get started on the hair thing!!!! :confused:

Wel, I have an 11 year old birthdaughter. She is biracial. I am White and my ex is black hispanic. I can tell you many stories. We were on vacation she was 5 months old and were at a hotel on Miami Beach. I had to go back to the hotel room for something and when I came back my Ex was stopped by security.. They thought he was trying to "steal" her. I had to laugh at the guys ignorance and say sorry but that's the baby's daddy. Also, my daughter has some birthmarks. Above her eye she has a white patch and her knees she has browner spots. So she tells everyone this is my mom and points to her eye and then this is her dad and points to her knee and tells everyone that she's the perfect mix of both of us. I have talked to her since she was 2 how everyone is different and all colors of the rainbow. She says she's not white she's tan. Another funny story: She has been in Daycare since she was 6 weeks old. Always having a variety of classmates. When she turned 4 I changed her school closer to my work. I am oblivious to race so it wasnt anything to me about the teachers mainly being black. After the first day of school driving home she said to me something like.. Now I have to make friends with all these "brown" kids.. I almost drove off the expressway.. I said what's wrong with that? I said dont you have friends that are brown.. Isnt your Dad brown and your cousins are brown.. Then she sat and pondered and said yes. I think she just didnt realize that her dad's side of the family was really brown. She never saw color differences there, just saw them as her family.