Advertisements
(Ooooh, my first discussion thread as Host. Crazy.)I ask this of our Birthparents in Open Adoption: is your OPEN adoption legally binding? Did you and the adoptive family create a contract in which you both stated your intentions to carry on an open adoption? Is it legally binding in your state? (For more information on state law in open adoption, [url="http://naic.acf.hhs.gov/general/legal/statutes/cooperative.cfm"]go here[/url]. If you're still confused on your state law, ask here and we'll help to figure it out.)Please feel free to add any more information that you want to share regarding this subject. What did you put in your contract? If it's not legally enforceable, why do you have it? (Good faith?) If you don't have one, why? Etc.Of Note to this Thread: This poll is specifically for Birthparents. The poll should be answered solely by birthparents whereas any posts/discussion can include all triad members. Just trying to get a feel for the difference between who is seeking legally binding contracts, etc. (Tomorrow I will create one for the Adoptive Parents for a comparison!)
Like
Share
Free,I LOVE that you discussed all of the hospital issues PRIOR to the hospital stay. I think that's advice that all expectant parents considering adoption AS WELL AS potential adoptive parents should follow. I can only imagine it would make things run much more smoothly than they did in our case. :) heh.--Personally, we have a "morally binding" (as MrsSmith put it in the adoptive parent poll discussion) agreement. It's not enforceable in our state but we agreed to contact, etc, and all personal information was included (addresses of other people who should be able to get in contact with us should the other move, etc). We weren't very specific in ours as we knew that things change now and then. We get busy and so on. :)
Advertisements
It was really helpful that we had discussed everything about the hospital before we were actually there. My social worker also sent a letter of introduction of sorts that had my written plan so the hospital would be prepared. It helped because the adoptive parents were given free access to my room and the nursery window (without having to worry about following visiting hour guidelines) and the nurses knew they needed to show the adoptive parents how to take care of a newborn and not me. (I was not emotionally able to do many of the babycare things and I certainly wasn't willing to watch the adoptive parents learn how to do it. At that point, I needed to take care of me and not twist the knife of knowing I wouldn't be the one caring for her.)
The nurses also knew we wanted everything in triplicate-foot prints, copies of the birth certificate, pictures, most paperwork...The adoptive parents, birthfather and I each wanted a copy of everything.
It made things go so much smoother.
Advertisements
FH-Montraviatommyg
Although legally binding open adoptions had been around since 1979 in the UK I wasn't told about these when my son was born in 1981.
Pip :flower:
Robin,
It is laughable as social workers call these types of adoption open despite the reality, as you describe, of actually being letterbox contact and possible real contact. I am friendly with a bmum (British) who has actually met the daughter she relinquished but due to a misunderstanding/disagrrement that has stopped now and they are back to letters only twice a year.
Pip :flower:
I have the morally binding agreement that we discussed in the other thread. Had legally binding agreements been legal in my state, I would have asked for one. We were still new in our relationship at the time of relinquishment and I believe that it would have calmed a lot of fears that come with the role of birthparent.
Advertisements
Hi, I have a legal agreement which all of us have kept too but I think no amount of legal paperwork is going to matter when the adoptee becomes a teenager!! (laugh) I think that open adoptions should have legal binding contacts but there needs to be some way for both sides to meet with a mediator if things change in their lives...to make alterations to the contract. I think a legal contract would also weed out the aparents who don't really want an open adoption so that would be a good thing. Plus it would set down responsibilities for bparents so that all those great aparents out there would know where they are etc. I think it would help people define what they want b4 they commit to adoption.
Not legally binding :( but the agency wrote up an agreement and we all signed it and if we wanted to the bdad and myself could have gone to court to have it legal but we decided to go with good faith in that the aparents would stick to the agreement that was written up for our daughter.Leigh
We have a contract that's not legally binding and have stayed close to the guidelines. They gave me twice as many visits the first year cause i was such a wreck, which i greatly appreciated.
One thing that bothers me is the contract specificly states that visitation is to be iniciated by me. When i signed it at age 16 I didnt notice that detail and now 10 years later I am frustrated that everything is put on me, and it's hard to maintain a relationship that is onesided. I would love to have them call me or write and say we would love a visit....I would deffinitly change that if I could.
Advertisements
In court before signing the papers under duress i might add they said it was open but I don't know how to set up a contract with the adoptive parent. They split my two kids up and I only know where one of them is. My son contacted us through internet and has stated abuse. He is almost 14 and wants to come back home but the adoptive parent said he couldn't see us because of child support, not until he is 18. He ran away and showed up at my home which we took him back. The adoptive mom took away his means of communication (psp). But when he ran away she sent the police here but he hadn't showed up. We have not talked to her to even tell her where we live. She is not very nice to him and he is adhd and now by not letting him have us in his life i am afraid is causing alot of mental issues he shouldn't have to deal with because of her selfishness.