Let's Be Realistic!!

I think that everyone who participates in any of the boards concerning adoptions in Ukraine is quite well aware of what the situation is right now. However, we all hope that we will be one of the lucky ones that will come home with the happy healthy child that we want. Most people have done extensive research before choosing a Country to adopt from, but there are always surprises along the way. Many of us have specific reasons for adopting from the Country that we choose, others choose a Country based on how easy or how well established the adoption process is. With all of the Eastern European Countries, you have no guarantee that the process will be the same by the time you travel as it was when you picked a Country. We have been in process for 18 months and things have changed dramatically in that time. In addition, as some Countries become more difficult or cease International Adoption completely, families move to the Countries that are still processing applications and the demand continues to increase. We chose Ukraine because our son is adopted from there. We wanted a little girl under 2 because we wanted him to be the oldest child. As time has progressed, our son is older and our expectations have been lowered to try to accommodate the changes that have taken place in Ukraine. Still, we can hope we will find a younger child. If we don't, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. If we come home without a child, then maybe we'll go back, maybe not. Only time will tell

Charlotte16: While no one can determine why so many couples are coming home empty, and perhaps the reasons you mention maybe true, there seems to be an increased number of these people writing such posts. Our agency, in its application, gave notice of the possible changes in Ukrainian adoption procedures or even elimination of the program altogether. If parents-in-waiting have not lowered their expectations by now, they will. I never thought we would be doing 3 dossiers and a second home-study. That was not the expectation over 2 years ago even though it was always a possiblity. We would like to find a reasonably healthy 3-7 year old in UA. We are under no illusions now that it may or may not happen. Good luck Jane and everyone else!

Just wanted to say again good luck to those who travel. It will be interesting to hear from someone (like jmchowat) of here new travels versus a few years ago. I know I would be interested. Also please remember, somehow there is a child that is right for you. It does work out in the end. I went for a boy and girl and came home three years ago with two boys. Dissappointed I didn't get a girl? Yes, but as time has gone on I realized these were the perfect two children for me. I have been blessed. And I wouldn't have it any other way. So people in waiting try to remember it will work out. It is not easy but it will happen... ..it does take time.

To be honest, Charlotte, I am offended by your post- what outcome did you expect to have by posting this, "let's be realistic!!"? To make those of us feel stupid who chose Ukraine? We all have our reasons for choosing a country, and if you did your research you would be well aware that Ukraine has changed in the past 12 months. (And YES, healthy children are there; American families, however, aren't being given an equal opportunity to adopt them, but that is a post for a different thread.) It's bad enough many of us pre-adoptive parents are heartbroken by stories of families coming home empty handed, we don't need any "I told you so's"...

I did not mean to offend anyone by any means! I did remark that the people on the frua site were so surprised that they did not come home with young healthy kids. It would seem they did not read up on what is happening over there. Honestly, if I were just starting out with adoption, I would not choose to go to Ukraine right now. I am toward the end of a long wait to travel. I am going with the thought of maybe a 30 % chance that I will be succesful finding a young child myself. I am already researching other countries to go to next if I come home without a child. I would rather travel there with a realistic view of what is happening over there and be pleasantly surprised if I did find my child. Just my opinion. If people go there thinking they are definately finding their young "healthy" child and then come home empty handed , they are setting themselves up for terrible heartache.

Hi Charlotte, Thanks for your response. I probably came off a bit strong in my own post... I have to admit that I'm feeling very disappointed, sad, and discouraged by the increase of unsuccessful adoptions... Maybe I was a bit touchy yesterday. I just don't have $25,000 to $30,000 to pay for a 30% chance of getting a child. I would have continued with infertility treatments if I did... I think the rate of unsuccessful adoptions in Ukraine has increased tremendously since we began our adoption process and my DH and I are so unsure about what to do with this news. It breaks my heart...

I think we are all feeling a little disheartened right now, but it's not like there haven't been slow downs in Ukraine before that have worked themselves out eventually. Even if you come home without a child, it sounds like some facilitators will allow you to go back at no extra charge and try again. You always have the option to apply for another NAC date, it would be hard to go back after the initial disappointment, plus you'd probably have a bunch of docuyments to redo, but it's worth it in the end.At least the NAC seem to be acknowledging that there are problems if they are going to give Jan/Feb appointments only to families that went home without a child in 2005. Hopefully if the Country can get organized to register children more efficiently, there may be more children available in the future. Becoming a parent can be a very hard process for many of us, being a parent isn't any easier!!!! I have been so discouraged at so many points in this process, but I look at my son and know it will all be worth it in the end. Jane

I would like to say something here. When we were going through the adoption process from 1-04 until 6-05 When we came home with our child from Ukraine. I read every post from Yahoo, Frua, and here. I Look back and see now that things were changing in Ukraine adoption right in front of my eyes. We wanted to believe that we were nice people married for 8 years stable and the Ukraine NAC would think we would be perfect parents. We learned first hand just what they think of americans and they group us all together. We ended up being in Ukraine for 7 weeks ( planned on 3)we had 2 children back home with family. We had a Total of 3 appointments. On the first we were sent to a region to meet a little boy who looked perfect on the sheet but when we got there he was severely brain damaged from birth. Our facilitator met with the diector of the NAc who was very mad we refused him. And explained that the information regarding his condition was not on this sheet. So we were granted a 2nd appointment 2 weeks later. During that 2nd appointment we saw first hand the treatment americans are getting over there. We heard all abou couples sitting and a Nac worker walking in and handing the Phycologist a new referal. Well it happened a Nac worker walked in and hand our facilitator a referal for a 2 year old little boy....but wait they Phycologist started talking to her in Russian and she snached it back and went to the next table and a lucky couple from Spain got to adopt him. We were devistated to say the least. We met many couples at TGI fridays from the USA & Canada who were having the same problems. I know of 4 who went home empty handed. Our story does turn out great on our 3rd appointment we went and found a 6 year old very healthy. Adopting him has been a wonderful thing for him and our family. In closing I just want to say If I decided to adopt again I would use the same agency but I would not adopt from Ukraine. It was very clear they are not happy with Americans right now and why should they after so may americans adopted their children and cant take a few min. once a year to register them with their local Ukraine embassy to let their government know they are ok and being well taken care of..

Are people wanting to adopt single children in the 6 to 8 year old age range also coming back without kids?

If you read the 11-23-05 Ukraine will only allow americans :grr: Children over 10 Sibbling of adopted child Special needs Here is the link: [url]http://kiev.usembassy.gov/amcit_adoptions_eng.html[/url] You can sign up to get current reports by email

They will only take dossiers right now for people wanting those kids. But there are people who have been recently or are in Ukraine now who had their dossiers approved and appointments made before these restrictions - I'm asking if they are finding healthy referrals in the 6 to 10 age range. I think many of us are hoping that in Jan. or soon after, Ukraine will start to accept dossiers again for kids under 10.