Our First Visit Post-placement

hi, sounds like a successful visit. bdad was probably having some trouble processing the visit. We met dd's maternal bfamily the week we spent in chicago when she was born waiting for permission to leave. we had great fun. since we live in CA, we a year went by before we saw them again, this past summer. We spent 7 days there, visiting with bmom's family and bdad's too! It was terrific. bdad was not so thrilled that dd didn't want him to hold her (she was 11.5 months old). Of course we explained that dd didn't like any guys except for dh like most infants her age, but he still wasn't really happy. we did get a picture of bdad holding her, which was great, and he's grinning from ear to ear. She's swigging her bottle :) . she was great with bmom's family, baunts, bgrandparents, cousins etc were there and they all could hold her. Of course they're girls, so it worked out. only one who had to woo her was bgranddad, but he understood it was a guy thing and not really him. It helped that he had 4 kids so he knew what to expect. we have a very open adoption, so we met at everyone's house and that was great. We hope to see everyone every year or so, but we'll see how our funds hold out. our week visit consisted of just hanging out at their homes, which was just fine with us. we also went to a few events, like The Taste of Chicago, which was great. had tons of fun and enjoyed the visit. I look forward to our next visit. Bmom and her family are hoping to come out here to CA next summer, and we may visit them next fall. In the meantime we chat on the phone, via email, and exchange photos. so far, so good :cheer: .

Sounds like you had a good first visit. It gets easier with time and trust, but it sounds like things went pretty well other than the bdad having some issues. For our first visit with our son's bmom, we met at the place where she was renting, then went out to the mall for something to eat (she was only renting a room at the time, so there really wasn't room to socialize). At the mall we met with the bdad and had group pictures taken. He left after that while we walked, shopped, and ate. It was just a few hours, but went well. The second time was harder. By then she was home in TN with her family and pregnant again. She hadn't told her family about the adoption -- they expected her to get off the plane with a baby. So understandably they had a reaction to that and were not very supportive of the adoption, which made us nervous about the first visit. We only stayed the weekend and mostly visited at her family's house. The next time we all met in Cherokee, NC, for a weekend. Then the last two times -- she's now living with her boyfriend and younger son -- so we visit them. Mostly it goes well, but there are usually awkward moments. She continues to have a tumultous relationship with her family, which makes it hard for us to know what kind of relationship we should try to have with them. For example, she doesn't get along with her one sister at all; this sister completely doesn't think she should've placed Ryan. For a year, she wouldn't even talk to us when we got together, as if it were our fault. She did eventually write a letter apologizing, which I thought took courage, but then when we met most recently this past October, she seemed just as unfriendly. When I asked what she was thinking she'd like to study in college/be after college, she said an adoption counselor; I wondered about the point of that, if there was an ulterior motive or judgment there. Then Jess didn't give her sister clear directions -- we were going to a park after we met for lunch -- she and the bgrandmom got lost, drove around for a while, then got mad and drove home, over an hour away. And we only visit once a year. So I'm wondering what kind of relationship we should even be trying to have with the birthgrandma and family. So it's not always easy, but it does seem to get easier each time we visit in other ways. We usually find a long weekend is enough, but thought maybe next year of going for a week but meeting somewhere, like renting a cabin in the Smokies, for part of it. We do have issues while we're visiting, like the cleanliness of their house and reliability, which tend to bug us. But we get along well and have plenty to talk about, too. Hope this helps.

Michelle, Glad to hear it went well. We're more like Lisa's arrangement - fully open and integrated. We fly to their home and visit there. Still, the first visit Ryan's bdad really didn't engage him much, nor the second. This last visit though he really playedwith Ryan, tossed a ball and wrestled with him. Very nice to see. They don't always have little gifts, that's fine though. We love coming to see them and hate leaving every time. HTH Regina

Sounds like a great visit. Of course Meg would be the star of the show. We met Bug's first mom about a month after Bug's birth, at her apartment, along with her two daughters (Bug's sibs). We did as you did, brought pics, gifts, a camera for lots of pics and of course, pizza! It was around Easter so I also brought eggs to dye with the older DD. It was lots of fun! K was happy to see us and more relaxed than we had ever seen her. It was a great visit. We met Bug's birthsibs and grandparents at the grandparents house this summer. It was relaxing and really nice. We chatted about anything and everything. Bug's first mom chose not to come. SOunds like you are off to a great relnship with your DD's first family... enjoy it!