How is it different?

I agree with Bassett - we had a bio child when I was 27 and adopted at 38 - so I've seen both worlds and they are different, but not better or worse. It was much easier for me to cope with less sleep in my 20's, but we were broke then and could take as much time off, didn't take yearly vacations, didn't own our own house. I'm more patient now - most days :) For me another difference is that all our friends had their babies (1st babies) the same time as we had dd#1 - now they are done with babies so we're kind of alone - well not, I mean everyone loves our baby, she's like everyone's baby, but they all had 2 or three kids where we didn't and have this 11 year gap between the girls.

But that's about the only big disadvantage. We adopted our son when I was 36 and my husband was 45! (Our son was already 10 months old, crawling and cruising.) My husband has two other children from a previous marriage who has had when he was in his 20s -- big gap there (22 and 18 years). We have tons more patience and lots more money than we had when we were younger. I love whoever said, "I don't stress about things that money can solve." It's nice to be in that position and we are. Since our son is now a teenager (with learning disabilities and ADHD to boot), patience is also a good thing. I am SO much more laid back about things than I would have been if I was younger. Now that I am 51, so many people I know have all their kids grown and empty nests. Perhaps some people would be glad and want that time to travel, etc. But not me. I am SO glad that I still have a teenager at home (even if he is surly at times, like most of them). It's much more fun to me to show him things, like Broadway shows, and museums and to travel than to do those things with just "grown ups" -- though I try not to be too grown up. As for my husband, well, that's his son "The Prince" for whom nothing is too good and whom he loves dearly. Parenting after 35 is the BEST! Robin

I'm WAY over 35 and would like to jump in here. I was 18 when I had my first child, 19 with my second. Those are bio kids. Raised 'em, then went out and got myself another life. At 51 my third, a 13 week old boy. At 53, my fourth (and last?), also 13 weeks, a girl. I'm now almost 55 with a 3 and a half year old and a one year old. I'm also one of the older parent bloggers here, and recently addressed this issue <http://older-parent.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/same-difference>, if you'd like to read some of my thoughts, where I admit that I'm really not any more patient now than I was way back when...

I didn't have a child when I was young (I'm 50 yrs old now and adopted a 9 yr old last year), but I don't think I could possibly have been as over-cautious a parent back then. As I went thru my 40's I got less and less tolerant of risk for myself, and I think I don't encourage my daughter now to do things that a younger parent would.

That's interesting, Howdy. I'm the reverse...over-cautious as a 20-something parent, far less now. Not only am I more comfortable with my parenting style, decisions, etc., I also have more confindence in my kids' abilities to make good choices. Of course, I live in a completely different environment than I did when my first batch was small, and life on this little island is much safer in general that it was in big cities in California, so that makes for more a more relaxed atmosphere all the way around.

(Geez I just noticed I've even reached the level of SENIOR member.. ) My daughter was born when I was very young (19). I wanted her so very much and am to this day extremely close to her. She is my princess and I grew up with her. DH and I adopted two boys, the older is now 4 1/2 and the little 10 months. DH is now 46 and I am 45. We are considering adopting a third. Now my two boys keep me in shape and I enjoy watching them grow and develop. I have more patience and am able to better judge which battles to fight. :) With a very opinionated 4-year old, that is an issue. I love being an older parent. And I can still keep up with my boys, sometimes better than a younger parent. :)

it is great to see this post. My DH and I are considering adoption and we are 53 and 49. I was having some doubts about doing this at this age. But I don't feel 49 lol. Heck I don't know what it is suppose to feel like. All of you made me feel so much better about adoption. Good luck to you all!

Interesting thread! I do not have an answer to the question, because I am not yet a mom. One of my most vivid memories of my 20's are of a young naive woman traveling around Guatemala in the middle of a civil war. I was living in Mexico and working with Guatemalan refugees there, and I made frequent trips to see the realities that so many people were fleeing. I was dragged off of buses by men (and young boys) with automatic weapons, and spent one night sitting under a door frame listening to the aerial bombings that sounded like they would surely hit my roof. I was idealistic, and immortal. Later I came back to the US, did my master's work, and planned to move to Brazil. But 16 years ago I fell, (by pure accident) into a wonderful job that I love, working with adult immigrants in NYC. I built the program up from scratch, putting in long long days, sometimes seven days a week. I knew that if I was not there every minute, things would surely fall apart. But two years ago when my father was dying of cancer, I spent much time away from work to be with my out-of-town family. The amazing program that I built thrived, because over the years I had hired amazing staff. I was less essential than I thought I was. When I allowed family to become a priority, I realized I had more time than I thought I did. Here I am, a 44 year old single woman, starting to research adoption. Imagine my delight when I found that Guatemala, (the country whose people consumed so much of my energy and passion during my "prime child bearing years") is one of the nations most accessable for older single women looking to adopt. If I had the opportunity, I would not change any of the paths I selected in my life. I may not have the strength to backpack with a young child and toss her in a hammock while I set up a tent on the beach. But now I can afford the nice resorts that will teach her how to snorkel with the dolphins while mom goes off scuba diving! I look forward to the adventures ahead. Thank you for letting me ramble... and share.

I agree with everyone else, I'm 42 and DH is 44. We have a 4 year old AD that is special needs, we got her at 4 months old. And just have been chosen to adopt a 3 year old special needs little boy. Although I can't say that I am more patient now than I would have been when I was younger, since I have always wanted children. We have been married 25 years no bio children. I think being older makes us appreciate our children more, we take time to notice the smallest things they do or say.

Yep, it has to be better. More patience. More money. I had my heap of fun so no hang ups that I can't get out and lead a life. lol. I have energy enough, Ihavemore than my 22 year old babysitter that's for sure. Exercise. Fun and not so serious about what doesn't matter. I'm sure that makes us pretty good parents. I was 39 when I adopted Ryan at 2months 4 years ago. I would have hated to have had a child any time before that. Denise

You know...I never really thought that 35+ was old for having children. At 39, I have a SD, 16 and SS, 12 and just felt the urge to have children of my own this year. We began the process a few months ago, but still may have a bc in a few years after all is finalized. I agree with a few posters here that said they weren't ready and were committed to jobs, etc. It just goes to show that there is no 'official' timeline when it comes to parenting.

HI. I am 57, almost 58 and have been fostering since 2000. My husband and I adopted a 9 year old and a 14 year old in May of this year. But in fostering, we have parented children from 2-16. We also adopted our first foster child after she was 16, which is a whole different animal. I call parents over 50 "Beyonders" because at conferences, when they do the demographics, they always ask how many are fifty and beyond. I call myself the Queen of the Beyonders.Things are different when you are older. So many times older parents have health issues of their own, and have suffered loss in their lives ( added to the issue of loss the kids bring into the family.) We also have less stamina and--admit it or not--menopause with its related symptoms plays into the mix.I surfed the web and discovered there was little out there by way of support for older parents. ( from 1970 to 1990 the number of GRANDPARENTS raising their grandkids jumped by 70%!) and I started a website devoted to support for older parents/foster parents/ grandparents. The site features humor, resources for nutrition and other info as well as games and stories. It is called THE BEYONDER COURT. URL [URL="http://beyonderqueen.tripod.com/"]http://beyonderqueen.tripod.com/[/URL] My daughter just had another child--she is 35. But a woman I heard about on the news gave birth at 66, so who's to say what an older parent is? Older than what? Anyway, good luck, and--come by the "Court."

Hi "Dee1234", I see that this is an older post from 12/05, but thought I would add alittle... I adopted my DD when I was 42.5 years old, and DD was 8.5 years old!!! I am single and DD is my only child. I was too very career driven, get my house, etc. Hoping that my prince charming would mysteriously show up... Nope, only a ton of FROGS, found out that I could not have children the old fashion way, and then a 'chance' phone call happened, and here at the age of 44.5, I am the HAPPIEST MOM in the WORLD!!! So, basically, not how I had dreamed since I was little, but how wonderful it is.... I am more tired (working full time, still bonding, teaching english, customs, etc., tons of homework for both of us, as I work in the evening from home to make up 2 hours I leave early from work, etc.) BUT IT IS SOOOOO WORTH it. So maybe less energy or at least your energy is placed in different areas, definately more patience, I no longer sweat the SMALL STUFF, found a new appreciation of our country and also the small everyday things, that we are soooo use to and take for granted. I could be having a bad day from a situation at work, and then I pick up my daughter, and she smiles, runs into my arms and gives me the biggest bear hugs.... That is what life is about, and I can see that now!!!! Blessings...............

I agree with the other posters. I am 40 something and I have way more patience and probably less energy. We also are more financially secure so I don't stress over those issues that money can solve. [url=http://www.afformula.com/]AF Formula™ Asian Flush Cure. Treatment for Alcohol Flush Reaction[/url]

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