does anyone feel this way

Give it time and try to be open about how you're feeling even if it's to post here. Resentment was the thing I had to work through rather jealousy and it does take time to heal. I resented that nobody would support my decision to keep my son so his adoption went through because of this and I was lied to at the time. The fact that my son wanted/wants my in his life was what helped me work through how I was feeling. Hugs Pip :flower:

I think it is quite natural for you to feel a litttle jealous of the aparents. After all, they saw your child grow up and know her better than you in many ways. You, poor thing, had to miss watching her grow up (the good & bad things) and that hurts and you are currently feeling the loss of all those years. Give it time. Remember the aparents are "special" to your daughter, so it is best to be polite about them in her company and to let out any feelings you have elsewhere. Good luck with your reunion with your daughter. I am so happy that you found each other again.

Her adoptive parents are not merely special to her, they are her parents. Period. I can only imagine the pain that you must be going through, but your birthdaughter cannot heal this pain. And I think that if you let these feelings overwhelm you then you will hurt your daughter. I didn't think much about my birthmother at all as a child. She thought about me all the time. She wants me to be her daughter and to love her the way she loves me. I have parents that I love and I do not love her. I only think about her now with a great deal of anger and frustration because she has feelings like you do and she is unable to control them. I feel extremly sad that I cause her all this pain because I don't recipricate, but that is simply the way that it is. I say this because I think you might loose what relationship you have if you cannot learn to accept that no matter how unfair and how much you were hurt, you did not raise her, and you can never go back. Her parents will always be her parents. She might grow to know you and love you, but it won't neceesarily be in that same capacity.

[font=Comic Sans MS]My birthsons amother is a wonderful woman She has loved my son and raised him to be a great man. I do feel robbed of what could have been but we cannot change the past. If we dwell on what happened we are only hurting ourselves. We have to accept and go on. Enjoy what you have with your birthdaughter and don't worry about her amom. Try to have a good relationship with the amom so that she can tell you all the wonderful things that went on in you bdaughters life as she was growing up. You say that you have a wonderful relationship with you birthdaughter so why be jealous of what she has with her amom. Your bdaughter has enough love to go around. You have so much more than most women who have relinquished their children do. It is your time to make your history with your bdaughter. You have the rest of you life to do that. Concentrate on that.[/font][font=Comic Sans MS]Hugs,[/font][font=Comic Sans MS]Tenn[/font]

I agree with rapunzul, as an adoptee I know that my parents are my parents, not "special people" who are in my life. That is degrading to adoptive parents everywhere.You need to find somehow to get over the misplaced resentment that you have for her parents, or,, it will well up to the pointthat she notices it and may have to make a choice, and you know what, you may lose in the end. Pehaps you are still inthe honemoon stage, where boundries have not yet been set. You need to be careful. You may be her birthmother, but you did not parent her. I am sorry about the choices that you had tyo make so many years ago, but they have nothing to do with her, or your relationship with her now. But you can not undo, replace or push aside others for your healing. I am sorry to be harsh, I just hope that you are prepared for any negitive outsome your feelings may push forward. I wish you luck on your journey.

Maybe I am not reading the posts the same way, or at least not with the same tinted glasses, but I don't think Pinakitha meant anything negative by the term special. My parents are special to me -- perhaps more special than anyone else. However, I agree with the posts from adoptees and birthparents alike. I think that if you allow those feelings to color your relationship that only negative things can happen. But I don't think you can just shut-off those feelings. That is why these forums are great. Tell us how you feel, that way you don't have to tell your daughter. I also have some resentment towards my son's parents. However, I also appreciate the way they have raised him and the fact that they love him. Adoption is hard, no matter what part of the "triad" you are. I think it is unfair for adoptees to think that what birthparents are feeling "... have nothing to do with her, or your relationship with her now". Don't get me wrong, it isn't the adoptee's fault that they were put into the situation, but reality dictates that they deal with it, even if it means having limited or no contact with the birthparents because it is too hard. I also think that rapunzel_001 has some good advice. Her ** seems to overwhelm her with these emotions. So njfeld, just be careful and try to find enough good about the relationship you have with your daughter now to help outweight the pain and frustration of missing her growing up years. Deb