older child adoption

Originally Posted By Happy we didWe just adopted a six year old girl,thru a private adoption. I must say that the first couple of months was very hard for her and us. She had never really had any affection or discpline at all, and it took some adjusting for everyone to get used to each other. But after a couple of months she started adjusting and has beem improving everyday since. She has been a blessing to us. I think more people should consider older children, they have as much and need as much love as the younger ones. Thee main thing is to not get discouraged right off, because they will try to see just how far they can go sometimes.

Originally Posted By PamGet all the information you can on your child "before" adoption. As a 2-time adoptive parent, I have one sad story and one success one. My son, adopted at 9 now 14, I had to have moved out of the home recently as he presents a danger to our family and peers at school. Getting help for him is like pulling teeth from social services. Make sure you apply for adoption support as it will come in handy if problems arise somewhere down the line. My son was in 14 homes in 4 years before coming to us so his problems started long ago. Now we're kind of at a fork in the road. Do we keep trying to force the hand of social services fighting every step of the way or do we try to disrupt the adoption as social services will be forced to then get him the help he needs. Our daughter, now 7 adopted at 3, is doing great. She's well adjusted doing great in school and so far has no effects from her bio-life. Make sure you apply for adoption support. It will come in very handy if a situation ever arises and you need help. Good luck. Adoption and foster care are great and rewarding experiences...most of the time

Originally Posted By JA lot has to do with the background of the older child. Post-institutionalized? Brought up in multiple foster homes? Foreign? My wife and I adopted a 7-year-old girl from an orphanage Guatemala. The first 9 months were extremely difficult most of the time, but very rewarding. Right now we're in month 11 and things are getting better all the time. Before you do anything, read books on adopting older kids. There are some really good ones out there which will prepare you to make an informed decision and, if you adopt, will give you something to fall back on from time to time. Also, if you do decide to adopt, you should make sure you have your ducks in a row regarding the potential for child counseling (especially with R.A.D.), ESL, etc. I've read testimonies both happy and sad regarding older-child adoptions, and I personally know some families who've had wonderful experiences adopting older children.

Originally Posted By Love my 5 year old (Tami)They say I just traded the diaper for the temper tantrum. OK!!! But, the smiles in between are the best. I am just home from Ukraine traveled (9/8/01 to 9/26/01) with my 4.11 month old daughter. The big challenge is the language barrier. She gets frustrated and do I that we can not communicate well. I can understand most by physical actions that we both use but, the love and smiles are the best. I would do this again tomarrow.

Originally Posted By HannahI recently adopted a 5.6yo girl and a 6.8yo boy from Ukraine on 9-6-01. The bonding was fast and strong on all sides. Andrew calls Paulina and Jennifer (my 17yo bio) his sisters and is right there if Paulina starts crying in daycare or kindergarten. Both children call me mama and have adjusted to life in the US with amazing speed. I find it hard to believe they haven't always been part of the family, they are so much part of it now.I do believe that if you are considering adopting from the foster care system many of these children do fall under the "damage" issues categories. They have been bounced around and are usually angry children. However, this has to be evaluated on an individual basis. I too was told to stay away from children over the age of 2-3yo, but it only took me a few minutes, less than 1/2 an hour, to know that these were the children for me. So, follow your heart. Pay attention and learn the warning signs of problems, but look at the future potential of a child, not just their past.

Originally Posted By shannonNo "damage" is permanent or irreparable. Child psychologists don't know everything. To use such a blanket statement is offensive to me. I was adopted when I was 10 and suffered all kinds of abuse. My adoptive family was more dysfunctional than my birth family. I am now 26 and have overcome every obstical the world has to offer. I am not damaged...just wise beyond my years.