How Open is Open

Our open adoption is fully open. We have quarterly visits as we live quite a distance apart. We speak via email/IM almost daily and on the phone multiple times a week. Amom was a bridesmaid in our wedding.

Open adoption seems to be as varied as the people involved. I think that your particular adoption probably is more open than most - but, I do not think that is bad, just different. Personally, I think it is really healthy. To me, in an open adoption, there is regular contact - once a month, once a week, several times a year - whatever. Once a year doesn't sound really "open" to me though I know some consider adoptions "open" without any physical contact - just letters and pictures - I don't. For those who think that your situation is strange, do they really know anything about open adoptions or do they have archaic ideas in their head about what they think they are? I say kudos to you for such openness! I hope that you are all able to continue it. I imagine over time, it might change as the situations of the birth parents and you evolve. There is so much ignorance in adoption - you have a perfect opportunity to educate people that really open adoptions can work - good for you! Whatever is comfortable for you is what should be happening.

Open adoptions mean different things, but to me an OPEN adoption means visits...not just email and pictures! But you do have to work at an open adoption at times. I do wish you luck as your open adoption sounds wonderful:) God Bless,Summer

open for us means phone calls, letters and photos, as well as visits. unfortunately, we live more than 2000 miles from each other, so visits have been once a year so far (dd's 18 months this month). if we were closer, we'd visit probably at least every month or so. and bgrandparents (bmom lives at home) have offered to let us stay with them. most who aren't part of the adoption world think it's odd, but hey, we like it so that's that.

We are only 5 months into our open adoption, but so far, open adoption to us means emails and pictures on a weekly (sometimes more, sometimes less) basis, and phonecalls and visits every so often. We've got visits tentatively set for 3 times a year (Christmas, bbro's bday and Meg's bday)...I could see us progressing to more visits as time goes by and our relationship grows. Do people think it's odd? Yes, but usually in a supportive, I-didn't-know-you-could-do-that kind of way! Until we entered the adoption world, I had no idea open adoption was an option, and I had no idea that situations varied in some many ways. Now more than ever, I'm aware that there's no such thing as a "typical" adoption!!

We send pictures and an update monthly, cards for every holiday and birthday and talk on the phone weekly. As far as visits, so far we have met for dd first birthday and plan to do so yearly.

We have an open agreement with Bear's mother. BUT, she (15 and in foster care herself) is constantly running away from her foster/group homes. She hasn't seen him since August. I sent a Christmas card with photos and updates to her CW to forward, but I have not heard anything. I am thinking that although the agreement is 2 visits and 6 updates a year, it will not be something that lasts very long. Not for lack of OUR effort, but because I really think she was pressured into A. carrying Bear to term, B. TRYING to raise him for the first 8 weeks, and C. signing an open agreement after she made the decision to have him adopted. I think she figures it would make her mother happy. As it turned out, her mother didn't want her back after she made the decision. I feel for her. She has been in and out of foster care her whole life.As for Bug, we have an unspoken open agreement with his maternal aunt. If it were not for her, neither he or his sister would have had a chance. Because she has pursued a relationship with the adoptive parents of both children, Bug's mother no longer talks to her. I hope that his biological parents don't find us. They have a terrible history with children's services.