Sibling spacing

I was really a lot younger than my siblings, too. I want my kids to be close in age. My oldest dd and my youngest dd are 3 years, 2 mos apart. My youngest and my baby from China will be probably 2.5 yrs apart... And my baby from China and her younger brother or sister (I hope...) will be about 2 years apart. And then I will think about being done! :o

My brothers and sisters and I were all pretty close in age. Only 10 years from oldest to youngest,and there were 5 of us. The one thing I do enjoy about having the boys so much younger than the girls is that they get to enjoy all the baby milestones with the boys. The recognize when they get a new tooth, pull themselves up for the first time, it was them that made Bug laugh out loud for the first time. I think it kind of helps with the bond they will have with them.

Planning???? I don't mean to make light of the question but after 7 years of trying to build our family...we have one amazing 22 mo old... family planning is out the window. We did start adoption process on another child as soon as we could because we would like them closer rather than farther apart. But really, we realize that the timing of it all is more out of our hands than not. The only control we have is to say that we want DD to be the oldest and at least by a year. If I HAD control we would have had 4-5 kids in the first 7 years of our marriage. But since we have one precious girl in 7 years, we realize that it will be what it will be. Again, I am trying not to make light of your questions, just realizing that often, it is out of our immediate control. Hope you add to your family in the right time!

Thats true, blessed by bug... For example, even though I "planned" to have my daughter from China home with me by April/May...it now could be January or later! Then there was the "plan" for baby #2, 3 years after dd#1, which involved a lot of planning and in the end a devastating miscarriage... :( But even with the stuff that happens, I still think it is kinda fun to "plan"...after all I am a planner, big time. Although it is not so fun when the plan does not work out. Anyway, good luck to all..

Me and my two sisters are all within 9 months and 3 weeks of each other in age.I really want to spoil my babe for a bit, but I'm nervous that it will take a while to either adopt again or to conceive - so I want to get started right away! I'm sure it will all work at just like it is meant to.. but I am really missing my 'newborn' now that my baby is almost 9 months old!!

Exactly JunipersMom... I am a huge planner, list maker, etc. It's been so very hard to give up MY plan, my control over this aspect of my life (and in turn other aspects too, but that's a whole other post, lol!). But I have found relief in realizing it's not about me and what I want...I am just not in the position to make it happen so I gotta relax. We have flung EVERY door open we can afford to do - private, domestic adoption, adopting through Children's Services, foster-to-adopt, and now, even TTC to see what happens - and now, we wait... and emjoy our DD in the meantime, knowing she worked out in the right time, our next one(s) will too ...

Exactly Kelly... I am a huge planner, list maker, etc. It's been so very hard to give up MY plan, my control over this aspect of my life (and in turn other aspects too, but that's a whole other post, lol!). But I have found relief in realizing it's not about me and what I want...I am just not in the position to make it happen so I gotta relax. We have flung EVERY door open we can afford to do - private, domestic adoption, adopting through Children's Services, foster-to-adopt, and now, even TTC to see what happens - and now, we wait... and emjoy our DD in the meantime, knowing she worked out in the right time, our next one(s) will too ... I am sure it is frustrating to see the slowdown in the China program right now. I have sevl friends waiting who chose China because of its consistent timeline. Tough stuff for sure... best of luck on bringing your next child home...

Blessed by Bug - You seem to be a little disheartened and exasperated with your journey right now. I'm hoping you find some peace in your wait. How is your licensing through children's division coming? I like to dream more than plan really:) For myself I need to know I'm reaching toward a goal because in our state foster homes can only have 2 under 2....(not that they have stopped calling with infants, mind you) and I'm sure as soon as Lili turns two they will be calling with a sweet newborn at the hospital and I'm going to have a hard time saying no. But I need to take a break from the rollercoaster of foster/adopt for a while.

I would love to have them be really close. My brother and I are 6 years apart. I have friends who have 3 and 4 kids and they are all really close in age like 2 years apart. I like the idea of the planning too but as we all know that it doesn't always work out. :rolleyes: :p

jandn - thanks for your concern. I am not at all disheartened...in fact, I'm more hopeful than ever. We have so many doors flung wide open, it is bound to happen someday for us. But the fact is that I do live in reality. And reality is that in adoption for most of us and for me at least, TTC, I really don't have control. I can only do so much to make it happen for us, the rest is in other people's hands, or as we have seen in our DD finding us, in the miracle of it all. I spent so much time wasting my energy on worrying about the timing of everything the first time around "why don't they want us?" "Why is it taking so long?" "why won't this happen for us?" etc...etc...etc... and in the end, the timing was perfect (although it wasn't MY plan or MY timing) when our DD came to us. If it would have been MY way, we would already have 4-5 kids but you know what? I wouldn't know this precious, incredibly beautiful little person who shares my life. Lesson learned...to let go and let it happen as it should. I don't want to waste energy planning for something only to get disappointed because I made a plan that was out of my control... does that make sense? I choose to live holding loosely to all of this, knowing full well I have done what I could to add to our family. I have completed three new homestudies in the last 7 months to open those doors, and have been through surgery that just might increase my fertility a tad (I did it for pain relief...the possibility of TTC is just a side line... after 7 years of trying for our family through TTC and TTA, I won't put all my "eggs in one basket" lol!). You are right, it is SO FUN to dream. I haven't shared my list of names yet, lol! For four more kiddos, at least!!! We do dream but are also realistic about this whole process. The last seven years have taught us that. We're hopeful, we really are... we are grateful for the possibilities in front of us but we also know that all we can do right now is pray and hope that our kiddos, however many there are, whatever way they come to us, when join our family at the right time. Maybe my tone could be interpreted as cynicism. Sorry about that. Thanks again for your concern!!!! Oh and you asked about our licensing for foster-to-adopt... we still haven't heard anything. And again, that's part of the "letting go". I have heard of a 3mo old little boy in our community that most likely will be placed in foster-to-adopt. (He is in foster care, they are going for Permanency on him, and foster family cannot adopt him at this time). Every ounce of my wants to push harder. But I also know that when we are licensed we will be the only foster-to-adopt in our region, which makes the odds good that he will come to us IF that is what THEY decide. Out of my hands...can't spend my energy worrying about it. So we're hoping but not planning...does that make sense???