lifebook- foster to adopt question?

You make another one of the child you fostered of everything you have of him and send it home with him, so that that block of time in his life is not completely lost to him or his family.

OK.....I have a spin to the original question; how do I do Gregory's lifebook?For those of you that know about our situation - you know that he was placed with us to adopt (in October 2003 - when he was 15-months old) and that has fallen thru. We have considered him "our" son from day one. We have never done a lifebook - nor have we ever had a caseworker discuss this subject with us. Thanks in advance. Christina

My heart is heavy with pain just thinking of your loss. I am sorry. While it might be a very difficult labor of love, I would make one of all the time he was in your family. I wouldn't include so much of the "waiting and preparing" type stuff. But do show all the every day stuff. Pictures of his room. His family. Trips and vacations. His birthday. His first hair cut. Playing peek-a-boo. Being cute. Snuggling with you. Playing with his siblings. Don't feel like it needs to be pictures of only him. Make it of your family from his point of view. Don't be afraid to show how very much he is loved. Talk about his quirks. Discuss any difficulties like illnesses or adjustments. List his schedule for a typical day. Talk about his first foods or when he ate a lemon or his favorite toy or whatever stories you would want him to know about his infancy when he gets older. Ask any writing or speaking age siblings to write/dictate a little something. You could ask them, "What is your favorite thing to do with G?" Or "What do you think G will be when he grows up? How come?" Don't allow jealousy or anger to be reflected in it. I personally wouldn't write about wanting to adopt him in his lifebook. I wouldn't put him in conflict. However you could make an identical one for yourself to keep and include the waiting and preparing, and the subsequent loss. That part is, unfortunately, more your story than his. (I know, I know... the loss is worse still because of thinking of everything he is loosing as well. There is nothing I can say or offer to do that will make this situation any easier.) Then, in case he does contact you or come back into the system, you will have it. But if he doesn't, then he will have a book of all the memories and how much love he was shown. It might sound bad, but if you felt comfortable with it, I would make sure your address is clearly visible in a picture or two. That way, when he is older, he could look you up if he wanted. The parents would be more likely to take out a piece of paper with your address on it than a couple pictures that together added it up. I'd also make sure that you don't give them anything original. Make sure you have a copy of everything. Make sure it is well documented what you've done and that the sw knows about it. It might be self-serving, but if he comes back into the system you surely would want to make sure they immediately think of you. My heart just breaks thinking of you having to make these plans. All you can do is give him every last drop of love you have in you, which leaves you empty and alone. But it does give him a whole lot of love, which he'll be needing. Make sure that is what shines through his lifebook as well.

The easy way might be to buy a template, such as "My Foster Care Journey: A foster/adoption lifebook". I haven't seen one, but it has good reviews on Amazon.