All Birth Mothers Reading This. . .i Need Your Honest Answer

Yes, I definitely know who the father of my child is. Apart from that, if I did not know (& let's face it, there are probably 1000s of people out there who might have a problem with that when they are young & "enjoying themselves"), I would simply tell my child that the father could have been one of several men but I am not sure who & am not able to give any more information than very basic details (eg physical appearance, first name etc). I think some bmoms fear being "judged" - as they were so many years ago &, as a consequence, will lie out of embarrassment/shame & fear of further rejection - this time not by society, but by their own child. I would hope that no adoptee would judge their bmom for being young & vulnerable. I would also hope that most bmoms would be honest. However, it can be difficult. After all, having read some adoptees' comments about their feelings when their bmoms told them about not knowing for sure, is it surprising that other bmoms clam up? YES, I know it's not good, but it is a very human reaction - & we are all humans, with our own faults, insecurities & weaknesses! I'm not adopted, but I think (but cannot know for sure, of course) I would prefer that my bmom was 100% honest with me - & I would somehow have to learn to live with whatever I was told, being grateful that my bmom was decent enough to be honest with me & respect her for being that.

AMY, I wasn't sure about the father, but until reunion, there was nothing I could do about it. when my bson sent a photo, I knew I would be doing DNA, just how the heck, would it happen? Well, I was honest, contacted the involved "'men" now, not boys. and my son. Done, changed the original named father, and live goes on. We have to grow up, and face our past. best wishes, sajofo

I hope my b/mom grows up and faces HER past, so MINE can be COMPLETED!!!

Amy~~ yes, I know my son's bfather. Bfather knows that we have been "found", but he has never told his family (wife, kids). This after forty years. He has never denied our child, but is "afraid" to tell them now. I gave my son his father's name and address when we met, but he says he will not "interfere" with his life. So, it is up to him now.I know he wants to meet him more than anything, and it is definitely what I want to, as he looks sooooo much more like his father than me. But, is it all his choice now. I know this is a bit different from what you are looking for, but I wanted you to know that not all bmothers keep the "secret". Sometimes, the bfathers don't WANT to be "found". I wish you success in finding him, if it is possible. And there IS the possibility that she just does NOT know who he is. I am sorry for what you are going through. You are a brave person for putting it all out here, and I hope you are able to find what you are looking for. Has your bmother ever told you there are bsiblings ?My best thoughts to you.

amy, when i first read that your bmom denied knowing anything about what other men might possibly be your father because it was 30 years ago and she couldn't remember. i thought "that's BS". my daughter is now 27 and i still remember. while i was pregnant, i thought it was one man in particular, which is who was named on the BC and who signed the relinquishment papers. however, immediately when the child was born, i knew he wasn't her father. i also told her amom that at the time of her birth. but because he was willing to sign the papers, making the adoption process easier, he was the one named on the BC. i had a positive pregnancy test in march of that year, which would mean that the man i thought was her father actually was. but, when i went to my first prenatal visit, the doctor said i didn't get pregnant until april. making the father one of 3 other men, all one night stands. one can be eliminated due to physical characteristics . . . he is very light skinned, lighter than i am, she has darker skin than i do. one of the other two, i have no way to track him down, as all i knew was his first name and where he worked a that time. the other one, i could contact if i needed to do so. when my daughter asked me "is ??? really my father?" (that man is her adopted uncle) i gave her an honest answer and shared with her the information above. she has never asked for any more info. if and when she does, i will do all i can to help her get the answers she desires. amy, i am soooo sorry that you bmom is unwilling to help you find the answers you want. it hardly seems fair to you. i know that you are a woman of faith. . . prayer is always helpful whether it leads us to the answers or helps us to accept that we will never know the answers. "all things work together for good to them that love God, to them that are the called according to His purpose" remember that "ALL things", not just the good things, the bad things in our life have a purpose as well.

Amy, I am sorry to hear that your upbringing was so bad with your adoptive parents. But, yes, I did know who the father was on all my children, and yes, I was opened and honest to my girls when they asked questions about their fathers.

I know who my birthsons father is,he did spend time with him while our son was with me,but he never told his mother that he had a son.

I know who the bfather is of my daughter. We were together 3 1/2 years. It's been 18 years now, we have both moved on. He has a wife who he has not told and he fears if she finds out she will divorce him.

There's absolutely no doubt who my bson's bfather is (was). There was no other possibility at the time even though I was dating my husband by the time D was born. I think that if there were any doubt I could be open and honest enough to tell D. If a paternity test were 0% I would be flabbergasted! (And start rereading the gospel of Luke!) Actually D's bDad never denied paternity and in fact his second wife knows about D - I'm not sure if his son knows. J once told me that he'd trust me to give D his address, etc. Unfortunately he died of cancer in 2001 so D can't meet him. I am hopeful that he will meet his half-brother someday. Blessings,Kathy

I know exactly who my son's father is. Plus - we are still friends and talk after these 18 years. Although he was a large part of the reason my son is not with me, we still share a child and how can you loose someone like that in your life. We are both anxious for the birthday of our son next month, when he turns 18 and we can let him know who we are. For the birthfather, things look a lot different at 36 than they did at 18, and for me, I just must be securing my place in heaven because I try to get past all the hurt and anger and move forward.