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Just feel like I need to assuage some of my worries...
Hopefully some of the smarter people here will give me some words of wisdom and make me feel better...
Here's the story...
Back in 1990 my girlfriend and I got into a situation....
We were both young...
And yes..we had a child...life timing was bad all the way around...her situation...mine...you all know the story..that's why we're all here on this forum..
Fast forward to now...
Against all the odds...against what everyone said would happen...we're still together...married for 18 years....together for 24.
We now have two more children, two more beautiful daughters.
My in-laws were in a restaurant a while back and struck up a conversation with a waitress that they said had an uncanny resemblance to my wife...
As the conversation progresses they find out..oddly enough...that this young lady was also adopted...
Her comment though was "unfortunately my birth parents are both deceased....my adoptive parents told me this a while back"..
I realize that the odds of this being our daughter are a billion to one...
But what if that was the case ? would adoptive parents really do/say something like this ?
What if that ends her search...what if she never started the search..
If anyone thinks that birth fathers forget....you're wrong :love:
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Totally agree, dzmichigan, as today is my daughter's 23rd birthday, and she has been on my mind for 8,395 days!Based on literature I have read, and the stories that a really, really great MHP in Royal Oak told me, some adoptive parents do falsely state that birthparents are dead. Their reasons are their own, and obviously, I have a problem with that, but there is nothing that can be done about it.One thing you could do (or perhaps your parents, if they go back to that restaurant) is to suggest to this young lady that there's nothing wrong with writing a letter to Lansing to get her original birth certificate. There could be other birth relatives to discover, and that she is entitled to having this information. Kind of deep topic to bring up to a waitress, but you never know what people will do with information or suggestions that are given in a friendly manner. Best of luck to you and your wife. My girlfriend and I fell apart the year after we surrendered our daughter, and it's been a tough road to travel alone.
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Totally agree, dzmichigan, as today is my daughter's 23rd birthday, and she has been on my mind for 8,395 days!
Based on literature I have read, and the stories that a really, really great MHP in Royal Oak told me, some adoptive parents do falsely state that birthparents are dead. Their reasons are their own, and obviously, I have a problem with that, but there is nothing that can be done about it.
One thing you could do (or perhaps your parents, if they go back to that restaurant) is to suggest to this young lady that there's nothing wrong with writing a letter to Lansing to get her original birth certificate. There could be other birth relatives to discover, and that she is entitled to having this information. Kind of deep topic to bring up to a waitress, but you never know what people will do with information or suggestions that are given in a friendly manner.
Best of luck to you and your wife. My girlfriend and I fell apart the year after we surrendered our daughter, and it's been a tough road to travel alone.
This reminds me of my husbands story. He was adopted by his birthmother's sister at age 2. He knew his birthmom but not his birthdad. We found out that his birthdad was trying to reach him so we found him ourselves (his adoptive parents were STRICTLY against this, but we were able to find him on our own). After they met, we found out that my husband has a 1/2 brother that looks a lot like him. When I was expecting our son, we would go to an IHOP that was close to the OB office. We found out later that our waitress during one of those visits was his birthdad's new wife. She ALMOST asked my husband if his first name was Jonathan (it is) because he looked so much like her stepson.
Just wanted to share this because it is possible! Good luck! Hopefully, you can find a way to confirm one way or the other.
I would certainly hope the adoptee's parents wouldn't lie to their adoptee but I know better. If there is a chance that this girl could be yours I would go to that restaurant yourselves. If her story has any details that are similar to your surrender story then I'd talk more seriously. But if there is a possibility that this is your child it's at least worth dinner to ask a couple of generic questions. Just my two cents.
"My parents had dinner here the other night they couldn't get over how much you looked like my wife. We placed a baby girl your age up for adoption x years ago, they say your an adoptee".
Just thinking aloud.... Can't see the harm.... if she's an adult.
My question is that if the adoptee had a closed adoption, how would her aparents know that her bparents were deceased? That would involve some contact with the agency throughout the years by relatives as it would be highly unlikely that both bparents died just after she was born.
So, it would be interesting to ask her how she found out about her bparents passing away. Those adoptees I know who had bparents who died while they were young didn't find out that fact until they went searching.
I agree. It is not like she doesn't know she is adopted. You could also add the date, say "Our daughter's birth day is xth of the x".
Another option, obviously a longshot, might be to look and see if the restaurant is on Facebook and see if the waitress is one of the restaurant's FB friends (you could ask your in-laws to point her out) and if she is and her pages are "open", then go and find entries around the date of her birthday. Otherwise, google the restaurat and see if they have pictures of their staff.
If there is a chance that this girl could be yours I would go to that restaurant yourselves. If her story has any details that are similar to your surrender story then I'd talk more seriously. But if there is a possibility that this is your child it's at least worth dinner to ask a couple of generic questions. Just my two cents.
"My parents had dinner here the other night they couldn't get over how much you looked like my wife. We placed a baby girl your age up for adoption x years ago, they say your an adoptee".
Just thinking aloud.... Can't see the harm.... if she's an adult.
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