Why doesn't the Church publicize alternatives?

Kindreds - wow, are you catholic? If so, do NOT misrepresent YOUR views as those of the Catholic Church. "The church promotes personal responsibility in all facets of life. As an example.they do not recognize divorce. Again, if you made choices in life, you must be responsible for those choices.that is their mantra. It you do not believe in their tenents, they just as well you leave the church than remain a squeaky wheel." This is YOUR view / opinion, not the Catholic Church. I don't think that choosing an adoption plan for you child means that you are not taking responsibility for your actions, sometimes (for SOME bmoms who truly cannot parent) it is the absolute MOST responsible thing you can do for your child at the time. It takes more than support from your parents and the father to be a mother to a child. I personally take offense to the fact that every opinion you are giving you are giving as the Catholic Church's view. I don't believe in pressuring one way OR the other. I believe in education, that's what I believe the Catholic church should do, is EDUCATE people on adoption and it as an option. And "ORPHAN" is not exactly the nicest term to use for adoptee's. This isn't the 1950's. Natalie

I don't want to put words in your mouth so wonder if you could elaborate on what this means. I get the feeling that you are implying with this statement that unwed mothers are unfit mothers. What does it take to be a good mother? Our parish priest was totally supportive of my daughter's parenting plan. He never even hinted that she should consider adoption. Had he tried to "educate" us about adoption, I would have written to our Bishop to request that he get an education about the importance of family unity. Fortunately, I think the leadership of the Catholic Church is much more enlightened than it was 30-40 years ago when adoptions were the status quo with the CC providing the infrastructure to forcibly take children from their mothers. Happy G'Ma

No no, that is not what I meant at all by that comment, I was responding to the point that kindred made about "If they have support from thier family and father why orpan a child". I feel like she is saying that if they have this support then they in no way should consider adoption. Some women simply do not feel ready to parent, it's not about the support they are not getting, and to assume that a woman should not consider adoption because she has support from family / father is ridiculous. Now, I realize that it is a HUGE positive in her life if she is and it definetely impacts her decision, but it shouldn't automatically rule adoption out IF THAT IS WHAT SHE WANTS FOR HER CHILD. I don't think this thread was talking about publicizing alternatives to PARENTING. It was alternatives to ABORTION. THAT is what should be educated. I in NO WAY said that a priest should tell a mother who is wanting to parent her child that she should consider adoption. I'm saying they should EDUCATE that adoption is an alternative to ABORTION. All the Pro-life education, they need to let the girls know that it isn't just abortion or parenting, adoption IS an option. Natalie

Another thing that bothers me about this statement is that the Catholic Church WANTS it's parishioners to question and educate themselves on the Church's beliefs. We should not just take everything they do as OUR beliefs, we should educate ourselves on WHY they believe this way, talk to a priest, etc. We will not just throw someone aside because they don't believe in a certain thing or are questioning a belief (VERY HEALTHY TO DO, I was taught and encouraged that at a YOUNG age in CATHOLIC school). I wouldn't consider a parishoner who is well-educated in the Church's teachings and does not believe in a certain thing to be a squeky wheel.

Dear Runyan, Thanks for the clarification. Yes, I agree that adoption should be highlighted as an alternative to abortion if the expectant parents are not ready to raise a child or do not have family support. That is, as long as the option is treated honestly and not touted as an easy alternative. I was concerned that the intention here was to use education, forums, etc. to recruit young parents to give up their children for adoption. The CC has a horrible black eye from the past with regards to forced adoptions. That may well be why the leadership shies away from the issue now. Happy G'Ma

What is a "birthmother mass"?

It is a common misperception that Christians (Catholics obviously included in this) have to blindly accept everything that their leaders tell them without question. However, God gave us a brain for a reason and we also have free will. People also tend to forget that Jesus was a radical who never stopped questioning authority.

Brenda - I totally agree, I remember my dad (STRICT Catholic) telling us to always questions our beliefs, that it was healthy, just remember to educate ourselves alongside that, then decide for OURSELVES if we agree, and if not, talk to a priest, etc about it. Priests are there to help us and guide us in our faith journey, not to tell us how or what to believe but WHY we believe what we do. Happy- I do apologize if that is how it seemed at first, I am so glad that the CC is being more helpful to unwed mothers. The CC needs to be supportive of all of it's members, I just think that they shout PRO-LIFE but then don't let thier members know what CHOICES they have (parenting & adoption alike). I am so glad your priest was so helpful, it really is refreshing to hear!! Natalie

Our priest's support was awesome. Christ-like. Waaayyy different from the 60', 70's, 80's. Happy G'Ma

Brenda: This is perhaps more than you wanted to know, but to answer your question about the bmom mass: Our diocese is very supportive of adoption as an alternative, and our local CC is big on honoring birthmothers. The week before Mother's Day, they sponsored a special mass at one of the area churches with readings focused on families---Book of Ruth and one of the gospels focused on Mary, can't remember the epistle, I've slept since then. Birthmothers attended, some w/ their adoptive families, some alone. The homily focused on the different roles mothers (both adoptive and birth) play in the lives of their children, with of course a tie in to Mary. The priest blessed some roses and the moms in the congregation were asked to take those in honor of Mother's Day. We attended w/ my own mother, H's birthmother and her parents. It turned out that the local paper sent a photographer and reporter to the mass, and the paper ran a really great story about open adoption the following Sunday (Mother's Day) H was showing off in a big way at the mass, so we were featured in the paper w/ his bmom, and interviewed for the article. Not only was it a lovely first Mother's Day for me, I think it made H's bmom feel very special. Her grandmother told me later that it was not until they read the article that they really felt like they understood the arrangement. I really applaud the efforts that CC makes in our area with regard to open adoptions. They don't push, but they're great about explaining the concept, and about giving you the information you need to make a decision.

HBV - WOW - those are awesome priest and bishop you have there! That sounds incredible. I may see if I can share that idea with our parishes around and our bishop for the diocese as well as our CC agency. VERY interesting and special!!!!

Thanks, Stork. Our priest (now a Msgr.)was really instrumental in helping us with our whole adoption effort---he wrote a letter to CC asking them to waive a rule about marriage length for us---(we'd only been married 3 1/2 years when we started the process, they want you married at least 5.) He wrote a wonderful letter to CC about us for our file, counseled us after the infertility diagnosis, and did a beautiful job incorporating H's bmom into the baptism/entrustment ceremony. That last was particularly important in our case, because that's why we were chosen by the bmom and her family. They're Lutheran, and the two churches have a similar outlook on infant baptism. We are serving on a panel next month to talk w/ other adoptive and hopeful adoptive families about ways to include bparents in family traditions. I'm so sad (and surprised) to see on this thread that the Church doesn't seem supportive of adoption in other parts of the country.

I totally agree with you that the church does not provide information on alternatives, but just tells women that abortion is bad. I remember that when we checked into adoption thru the Catholic Charities, it would have been so much more expensive than thru the attorney we ultimately went thru. I thought for sure that it would have been less expensive. I do believe that the church is in it for the money. In addition, I could not believe with the size of our parish (over 3000 families) that there was not an adoption support group. I know I could probably try to start one, but who knows how that would be accepted... I am disapointed in the church on this aspect.

I don't know that ours was any more or less expensive than a private would have been, and I certainly don't get the impression that they're in it for a profit---CC is independent of the diocese here and in many other places. They were less than a lot of other agencies, certainly, and they did a terrific job for us and for our son's birthfamily. I am really surprised that there's no adoption support group. I think you should go light the fire!! PM me and I will share some of the topics from ours.

This thread has turned from a discussion of religion to the discussion of an agency which we don't allow. I've deleted the agency discussion and closed the thread.