What are living expenses?

I've often wondered this too! I think this is one of the big differences between US and Canadian adoption. Here in Canada, not only don't we pay any potential birth mother's expenses, it is illegal to do so. I think some of the states have these laws as well. I look forward to seeing peoples responses.

Generally expenses related to living support during term of pregnancy - rent, food, utilities, possibly transportation. They don't. Providing financial support - either living or medical expenses is considered an 'act of charity'. I recommend providing this only if you would have regardless of the presence of an adoption plan. In other words, if paparents would have helped anyway, they should. You're not alone. Many expectant parents dislike and reject any form of assistance. Not everyone's in the same boat as you, unfortunately. I've seen expectant parents who are homeless, or are made homeless because their families kicked them out when they discovered they were pregnant. There are times when complications of pregnancy make it impossible to work, or hours must be severely reduced. Some are not well educated enough, or have behavioral/physicial/social reasons why they are not employable. Of course there are those who look at a pregnancy as a way to get their lives paid for for so many months - a 'free ride' as it were, and some who abuse this - both expectant and prospective adoptive parents. This is why it's illegal to provide living expenses in many states and severely limited, curtailed or monitored in others. JMHO Regina

[font=Comic Sans MS]hi echaos, yes it must be an American thing. It just seems to wrong. (Americans, don't get offended ~ those are two distinct thoughts separated by a period.)[/font][font=Comic Sans MS][/font] [font=Comic Sans MS]tobeafamily, thank you very much for your detailed explanation. I understand most of what you said and appreciate the time you took to reply.[/font][font=Comic Sans MS][/font] [font=Comic Sans MS]

Providing financial support - either living or medical expenses is considered an 'act of charity'. I recommend providing this only if you would have regardless of the presence of an adoption plan. In other words, if paparents would have helped anyway, they should.

[/font][font=Comic Sans MS]It seems unlikely that paparents or anyone else for that matter would start heading to Western Union to send money across the country to someone they don't know who has fallen on hard times. I don't buy that for a second. An "act of charity" seems like a not-so-cleverly worded somewhere written into their legal agreement. [/font][font=Comic Sans MS][/font] [font=Comic Sans MS]

Of course there are those who look at a pregnancy as a way to get their lives paid for for so many months - a 'free ride' as it were, and some who abuse this - both expectant and prospective adoptive parents.

[/font][font=Comic Sans MS]That's disgusting. Good God. Are you serious?[/font][font=Comic Sans MS][/font] [font=Comic Sans MS]I just feel so terribly sorry for paparents who get hounded for money either directly or through their lawyer. It saddens me to see couples who have scrape up 25K as an adoption budget. It's just so wrong.[/font]

Yes, I am serious and yes, I have seen women who never even intended to place pretend they were so they could get their rent, food, utilities, cell phone, car payment, etc. paid. I've also seen prospective adoptive parents offer the same and more (offers to buy a trailer, car, scholarship to an expectant parent with the quid pro quo that the baby is theirs. Ugh to both. And I agree 'act of charity' is unrealistic for most. Understand though under the law that is how it is viewed - no obligation, no expectation. And that people fail to grasp this when entering into these agreements - which is why I say - if you wouldn't do it in absence of an adoption plan, you shouldn't do it period. JMHO Regina

That's disgusting. Good God. Are you serious? Unfortunately, it is more common than most would like to admit. Our first adoption included living expenses up to the exact maximum limit in the state. For aparents, IMO, this is where we are most vulnerable. We were matched - and it was a good match (basing that on the fact that we have maintained a very open adoption four years later, and bmom placed a second child with us). We had already developed a relationship with her when the bomb was dropped on us, so what were we to do? As you said, we scraped up the money. Personally, I would like to see a federal law regulating living expenses, as opposed to each state having it's own individual ones.

Evildishrag, I vote for you for president! It does stink... A lot of pbmom's I don't think realize what the paparents are paying for. Their atty's, their meals, their appts, (not all of them, and I think if they knew they wouldn't accept) but many agencies allow the pbparents believe the agency is paying for this stuff. But, really, it's the paparents. There are some things I refused to pay for. We had one match early on (the girl was only a minute pregnant I think...) and she needed living expenses for 9 months... don't know if it's standard or just our agency, does them through one month beyond birth. Anyway, she lived in a part of the country that is not expensive to live in... she collected X amount of dollars a month from welfare, lived with a relative, and was approved for living expenses in the amt of double what welfare was giving her. This on top of her welfare payments. Now, I know people come on hard times, etc, but this was a significant amt of money... some people pay less for their adoptions, and this was approved _just_ for living expenses. We had to walk away from that one. But, the pbparents we're matched with currently, have refused any financial assistance from the agency, only accepted a lunch from "the agency," which you can imagine where that really came from... which is fine. We were happy to do SOMEthing for this couple. They've done so much for us... Funny though that they were told it was on the agency, hmmm? Anyway, I agree, less money, or none, should be exchanged during adoptions. It's awful.