giving up a baby

Wow, you're in a pickle and I sympathize with you. My experience with this exact situation is limited, but here's what I can share about a situation in my family where the first child was released into a kinship placement and the second child was kept. Both children are being raised in the same town. I'm not sure exactly how either child feels as I haven't discussed it with them, both are in grade school. From what I've observed, it's inevitable that the children will feel some level of resentment toward eachother and/or to the bio parent. I don't think hate is the right word. If you were to ask the child not being raised by mom I don't think she'd ever say she hated her mom. As she gets older I can see her expressing disappointment, but not hate. Same for the child w/mom. I think she too will be disappointed in some ways. One child may have the benefit of more material things and a more stable home environment but still long for the maternal connection. The other child may hate the less stable home and long for more creature comforts regardless of the maternal connection. KWIM? The grass may always seem greener on the other side. Kinship placements can be a great thing, but they're not without problems just like adoption isn't without it's challenges. IMHO - the best possible scenario is for you to keep, love and raise both children. But if that's really not possible for you to do then I ask the following questions: Whether you raise the second child or not, are you willing to acknowledge him/her as your child at all times? If you buy a special something for child A and take child A on a trip - will you buy for child B? Will the children essentially be raised as siblings even if you're not the parent of one of them? Basically - are all of the adults willing to bend over backwards to make sure that both children feel equally valued and valuable? Just my two cents...take it for what it's worth. :confused:

Already a mommy, Hey, I have been in your shoes not once but twice.My oldest daughter was only about 18 mos. when I got pregnant with my son. His daddy left us when he found out I was preg. I wasn't ready to take on the responibilty of another child. (I was trying to work my way off the welfare system). Well.. after being born premature. I visited him daily after school and work in the NICU. When he finally came home from the hospital, after two months, I found it very hard to take on the responsibility of two young children. (btw.. I was 20 years old) I found a couple that wanted to adopt him. They had just had their hearts broken cuz the baby they were going to adopt, the bmother changed her mind. Well... it was a very merry christmas for that family. And I feel good about my decision. Baby #3, I was 22, and her father and I was struggling, so his parents took custody of her. When her father and I got married, they gave her back to us so we can be a family. Well.. after a year or so, when we divorced, his parents adopted her. She was just a baby when they took custody of her, and we got her back when she was almost 2. Now, 14 years later, my lil girl wants to come back home to me. I understand what you are going through, believe me, and if someone in your family is willing to adopt or take custody of the child, that is the best option. I am proud of you, we all are. God Bless and :grouphug: we love you. Jo

Jo - No judgments, I'm just curious... how did your child/children feel about going back and forth. Did they change schools? Was the transition seamless? What impact, if any, do you think it had on them?:o

Im not your age but I was in your spot a few monthes ago. I decided to place the baby for adoption. I thought the bfather didnt want him but the night that I signed my papers his wife called me to tell me that he wanted his son after all. I felt the was the worst choice I could have made. I have a three year old little boy. The bfather has a what i think is a 8 year old boy from a previous relationship, a 5 year old girl from another relationship, the baby that I placed and is expecting a baby with his wife that is due in July. I dont know how he expected to support all these children. Did I want this baby more then world, could AI raise him with out his father's help not a chance. That is why I choose adoption. Unless he does something to support the pregnancy he may not have any rights to the baby. The state that I reside in severed his rights on the grounds of abandonment, becuase he didnt provide any type of support for me or the baby. So he may not have a choice. If you do decide to place for adooption please go thru an agnecy or faclitior dont go thur a lawyer, whatever you do please. There is a great web site that I would love to share with you if you want to email me, my emails is snptech@cebridge.net