When your mom doesn't approve

I wish I could give you an answer to that one. To cut a long story my son was born in 1981 and I relinquished him due to pressure from my parents and being lied to by the social worker. Just over 12 years ago I got married but haven't had children and we found out the reason why last year. However a few years ago my dh and I first thought about adopting we mentioned it to my parents. The looks on my parents faces were enough to freeze the Atlantic yet these were the same people who were adamant my was adopted :rolleyes: . For various reasons we delayed doing anything about it but are know going to look into it seriously. This time round, as things are a bit on the tense side with my parents, we are just going to get on with it. If all goes well obviously I will tell my parents but I have the attitude that if they don't like it it's their problem not mine so I refuse to fall out with about it. Pip :flower:

Most times when friends & family object, it's because they're afraid for you. They're afraid it won't work out and you'll be heartbroken. They're afraid that the 'real mom' will show up on your doorstep X years from now and take the baby away (thanks, Lifetime!). They're afraid they won't love or worse won't like this child. That the child won't feel 'like their own'. I've found the book "Adoption is a Family Affair" by Patricia Irwin Johnston helped. Ultimately, though, you're going to run into people who don't approve. Who can't figure out why you'd want to do this. I found it helped me to think through why I did want to do this, because I cared about these people and what they thought. It actually helped me reinforce my certainty that thsi was the right thing for us. Amazingly, once I could articulate that well, objections evaporated. Or I no longer heard them as such. Remember, that which bothers us about others is what bothers us about ourselves. If we're not bothered by it, then seeing it in others won't affect us. HTH Regina

Some people are also of the belief that blood is always best. My sil is supposed to be one of those christian types. And yet she makes it very clear that blood is all that matters. Blood is what make you a family Yada Yada Yada. She finally got the hint and shut up, but her belief system is still there, (from her parents and her church)and that is not going to change any time soon.My husband wanted to adopt, but I firmly said no, and I am an adoptee. I said no because in reality he and his fmily would never accept the child as one of them, my family would without even thinking, his, no way. Without knowing they wouild throw the adopting up in the childs face, and that is wrong. If your parents do not wish for you to adopt, you better think long and hard before you leap, as they may never accept the child, and this will cause problems for you and your family, and expecially the child.

I think you should follow your heart...do you want to adopt??? Will you be a good mother? Will you love this child as your own flesh and blood? If yes, then please adopt. There are so many babies/children out there without anyone to love them. Now, from my experience. We adopted a biracial baby boy. Before we adopted, my father went bilistic, complaining he wanted nothing to do with this child. I want you to know that my other family members stood beside me and we did adopt and now, my father is so close to my son...he is ashamed of himself...and I hope my son never finds out about this....but you have to remember this about you...not your Mom. Personally, I have very little respect for her thoughts.